Please Rate The Following: My WW says stuff like "Gee why were you so upset I was flirting with another man."

#1- Daily phone calls when I am at work, some even a 9 at night --Flirting or "A"

#2- Going into his office every day to "talk" Flirting or "A"

#3- Telling him about her perceived problems with the marriage. Flirting or "A"

#4- Propositioning him several times for sex. Actually told him she F!#$ the S^%&* out of him.
Flirting or "A"

#5- Several "love letters"...Flirting or "A"

#6- Depression/Anxiety after she knew it had to end. Missing him, telling him she needed him"
Flirting or "A"

#7- Always lieing to me about the nature of her relationship with him. Flirting or "A"

#8- Still wants to maintain nothing physical ever happened. "Fog" or thinks I am stupid.

#9- IF (BIG IF) nothing did happen, if she was the one pressed for sex and HE didn't want to, is it just as bad as actually doing it? After all it wasn't her that said "No I am married, its against the vows I took."--It was him that said no. (Cheating or They probably did it). Because she is beautifyl sexy etc...and he was single and had no responsibilites.

Just venting

Anyone?

Wow:

Tell me again why this is the woman you wish to spend
the rest of your life with. These statements are unbelievable. It seems pretty clear that your wife has a broken moral compass.

Bryan-

Thanks for your reply. No offense but you always seem to sit right next to Jesus Christ in judgement of everyones feelings. I don't know what it is that makes you so judgemental but that wasn't the question.

Tell me what is Christ up to these days. I am sorry you feel so much resentment

Ok I'm really really confused..

what do you want from posters here??

NONE of your wife's behavior fits the definition of flirting....it is all way beyond that
bet you any amount here no one here would consider any of it flirting...well... fogheaded-aliens might...

BUT when bryanp states what anyone who reads it is thinking....you jump all over him...

If you want to hear is that it is just innocent flirting..then that's what it is...
If you want people's OPINION...(what you asked for..then when given attack a person for "judging")

my opinion is that 1-9 are all attempts to rationlaize and normalize irrational and abnormal behavior and not the expected actions and behaviors from anyone who is married and committed to their marriage...

rlyhurtin, your wifes statements/actions are unbelievable just as bryanp said....in respect to having any value to marriage vows...

ARK

Give me a break. Bryan's assessment is right on the money. This is not only an affair, she is outright disrespectful of you "flaunting it in your face". She obviously has no concern whatsoever for your feelings. I draw these same conclusions reading your words.

Guys-

My apologies. His comment called my intelligence into question. To me he was saying

"Rly you dumb a$$ why are you so stupid" or thats how I took it.

So my apologies to all...sincerely. I was just got taken back with his comment. Bring on the 2x4's

ONE TWO BY FOUR COMMIN RIGHT UP.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">His comment called my intelligence into question. To me he was saying

"Rly you dumb a$$ why are you so stupid" or thats how I took it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought he was trying to make you think about what redeamable qualities your W still possesed that made her worth fighting for. You obviously still feel some love for your W and you wish that she was the woman you married, but the truth is that right now she is not even close to being said woman, and you need to do some very serious thinking about whether you and her have a future together.

Rlyhurtin:

What is or isn't an affair is dependent on your perspective and the boundaries you had in your own marriage. If you believe that an affair has happened, then it did as far as you are concerned and that is what your focus should be on. If your wife seriously believes that any of what you describe falls into the "flirting" category, then I'd say she's about as self-deluded as one can possibly become. Besides, even if flirting were all that had happened, it would still be an EA, IMO.

I should think it is obvious from your various postings that you want a reconcilation with your WW. If you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with her you wouldn't need this kind of support forum - you'd simply need a decent attorney. There's no need to justify your feelings to this group. Remember that most of the posters on this forum are also hurting and their responses are quite biased - mine as well (read signature).

That said, however, at least two important points were made by previous posters. Although bryanp makes the point somewhat angrily, you may need to know the answer to that question - why - to provide yourself with the strength to survive the hurdles to reconciliation your WW is throwing your way.

Two, the point was clearly made by ark - what exactly did you hope to get by asking that question? Did you really expect that anyone would read those examples and support your WW's view? If this is really going down this way, then you must get her to admit that at the very least, there has been an EA bordering on PA. Otherwise, I just don't see any way that you could actually make progress. Personally, if I were in your situation (as little as I understand of it), a solid plan B (do not stop at A) would be my response.

As to "flaunting it in your face", I don't necessarily see what difference that makes in the end, personally. All affairs are disrespectful of the BS to the extreme. We BSs take a serious beating to the ego if and/or when we decide to forgive and reconcile. For me, though, there is no point to forgiveness and especially to reconciliation unless your spouse is willing to admit the truth. The truth should be the beginning of your journey to healing.

3XL

I am sorry that you misinterpreted my comments.
Too Much Coffee understood that I did not mean your were stupid at all. I was asking you to ask yourself what qualities in a woman or a wife would you want and do you believe she still has these qualities. Would you want your wife to stay with you if you manifested these qualities towards her?
I would like not to consider myself as rigid. I am not religious at all but believe in the tough love approach. I was hoping you would be forced to understand what is it that you want in your life. The comments she made were pretty sad for a married woman to make.
I remember one day when I was fighting like hell to keep my home in the mountains but my ex would not budge and I did not see how I would be able to make the mortgage. The counselor asked me "do you own the home or does the home own you?" On that day a lightbulb went on and the next day I sold the house.
In short, I was just asking you to reflect on what type of person would say and engage in these activities and do you feel you really are able to build a future with a person who has such a broken moral compass. If you feel because she was unable to "screw the ... out of him" because he turned her down; that this does not count as an affair.... well we just disagree. I did not mean to upset you but make you reflect on things. I certainly will no longer provide my opinion. I wish you the best.