I’m not sure this is the proper forum for this, but what the heck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Statistically, arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate, a much lower infidelity rate, and a higher “happiness” rating than normal marriages. My friends who have been arranged, on average, seem happier than my friends who were traditional. Hell, even the couples on Married by America looked more content than the couples on the other dating shows. I just can’t figure out why this is the case.

Is this a question or a doctoral thesis? This a question for the ages...there are many answers attached to socialization, communal interaction, religous devotion, etc.

But hey I am not working on my doctorate right now so that will have to do.

ayslyne

Probably because arranged marriages prevail in a part of the world where the culture is essentiaaly one of repression.

Not to say that success in marriage under these circumstances in not noteworthy and commendable, but the repression in other areas of this culture is the price.

Hope this isn't too political.

Fairly simple, if not entirely "healthy" at least as far as OUR standards...

Arranged marriages come from cultures that are much more about community, family, culture, children, and the realization that all of these are more important than our personal pleasures.

As such, people from these cultures are raised and taught to think of these things before they think of themselves, and this makes arranged marriages apparently more "successful".

Now I'm not making a value judgment here at all. Who's to say, in the long run, what is better? I am simply expressing something I know about because I have lived in cultures such as these.

In fact, Americans were also more like this in the past, but with women's liberation (love it!), and all the freedom and "culture of the self" we developed over the last 50 years or so, we've become a culture mainly of "our rights", and to a great extent we've forgotten about "our responsibilities", so we can't relate to this anymore.

But if you were brought up like that, and that's what you were taught and learned, you'd be more likely to accept the notion of arranged marriages and the "sacrifices" that go along with them.

Again; I'm not making a value judgment. Simply stating what I have seen and experienced.

My grandparents were an arranged marriage, and we celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary before either of them passed away. I will not assure you they were perfect, or that they were personally fulfilled, or many other things; but I will say they did whatever it took to keep the marriage, family, businesses, and everything else together. Probably at a high personal sacrifice at certain times, but with the best intentions for all involved at all times.

Is that so bad?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by catamount82:
<strong>Probably because arranged marriages prevail in a part of the world where the culture is essentiaaly one of repression.

Not to say that success in marriage under these circumstances in not noteworthy and commendable, but the repression in other areas of this culture is the price.

Hope this isn't too political.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I beg to differ. Granted there is repression in many of the places where arranged marriages are common, but there are arranged marriages in MANY places where there is little or no "repression".

India, for one.

There is no repression in India?

I have an acquaintance from Ceylon and her marriage was arranged. She's been married 22 years and they're very happy. Her spouse is 10 years older than her, and they're both medical doctors. She said her parents told her that she could refuse to marry him if she absolutely 'hated' him after meeting him two days before the wedding. She said she liked him right away and knew she could grow to love him for as she said, "He made me laugh right away."

I think arranged marriages are successful because they are based on common values and religion. I think I've also read that culturally many other countries don't value the notion of 'romantic love'. They think we're fools to so value the idea of it. I think too that we in western culture perhaps expect marriage to supply all of our happiness, and we expect too much of our spouses. I know I did, and hence I'm sadly now divorced.

Interesting question!
H_P

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ayslyne:
<strong>There is no repression in India?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only in the isolated incidents and backwater villiages that the media likes to portray. It is akin to another country portraying American values based on Scott Peterson and a few, tiny white supremacist towns.

India is a great country, and the women are super.

Both sets of grandparents in my family had arranged marriages. One of my grandmothers had the duty of bringing over her young BIL before she even met her H. They called them picture brides. I used to listen to the stories and told my grandma that I never could have made it. She agreed.

This generation is too self centered to adhere to the customs of arranged marriages. The custom goes back for centuries. Worked quite well until this past century when freedom of choice attained a higher status than using a sound mind.

Mind you I am not condeming non-arranged marriages and I also may not have made a good arrange marriage candidate but even though I never knew both grandfathers (they died when my parents were both young), my grandmas spoke very lovingly of each of them. Neither grandmother married after their H's died. I think that done in a proper manner an arranged marriage stands a better chance of survival since the requirements of each individual is scrutinized without the emotional attachment and hormonal flow that runs rampant today.

My grandmother on my dad's side was the spunky one and the one who traveled from her home country to another country and then to a US territory, did not even know what her H looked like except for the fact she was told to bring his younger brother. That was not my grandfather. Her 1st H died about 5 years after they were married (she was widowed around 24 years old), then she married (again arranged) my grandfather who was at least 20+ years older than herself. My grandmother called herself the 'poison frog' since my grandfather's first W was supposedly some sort of beauty queen back in the old country. My grandmother was really a cutie!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ha' I think I inherited my grandmother's sense of humor and height (she was a undertall). LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That sure made up for my lack of beauty or height!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JHMO of course,
L.

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 12:23 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

My wife comes from a country where marriages are either arranged, or - even worse - girls abducted to be married. (Having said that, "abduction" may also be "by choice" as it makes a marriage compulsory&#8230;. Very convenient in cases the couple wants to marry, but the families not). But I think it's fair to say that the forced abduction is the rule there, closely followed by 'arranged' marriages, followed by 'by choice & consent'.
Pretty much all of our friends there (and relatives) married either by arrangement or abduction. All told, I think their marriages are mostly stable, but with some ups and downs of course. However, despite the downs they don&#8217;t end up in divorce often. Why? I think the main reasons are that the couple is never really alone with problems - but part of a large family and social network, where problems can be discussed and elders give good advice (no shrinks, IC & MC needed). With arranged marriages I also truly think that the combined wisdom of the elder folks provides generally for a good match.

In any case, you cant export/import these cultural things. US dating rituals wouldn&#8217;t work there, as arranged marriages don&#8217;t really work in the West.

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 03:40 AM: Message edited by: Nick123 ]</small>

Rather than ask why arranged marriages trend as more "successful" let's consider that marriages are supposed to be faithful and together and successful. I'll begrudging call this "normal".

But in the US, we have a 50% divorce rate.

Come up with a list of reasons why marriage fail so often, "reverse" that and you'll have 80% of the reasons why arranged marriage trend more successful.

That might be an easier way to think about it for some, since the failure reasons may be more obvious.

My thoughts is,

Arranged marriages, there is little preconceived expectations or notions about the person you are marrying.

What about today's attitude towards marriage. In the past, to get a divorce, you had to prove something very wrong within the marriage. Now, you can get divorced because you want to.

I know of some, who have the attitude, "oh well, if it does not work out, we can always divorce" In the past, when couples married, it was the expectation that they will be together until they die. People did not leave when things got tough, even abused women did not leave (not very often), for many reasons. Now, it is acceptable to leave because you are unhappy, instead of trying to work it out.

In some cultures, divorce is a disgrace. It used to be a disgrace here too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ayslyne:
<strong>There is no repression in India?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, if our measure of "repression" is "anything less than we have here", then only about 10 other countries would qualify as not being "repressed".
Otherwise, there are many, many countries where basic freedoms are respected, even though in other ways they may not be as free as us.
Heck, many people here in the US are complaining that we are too repressive, and are alarmed that we may soon be under a tyranny not unlike Hitler's!