My H stopped by after work tonight and I had sexual relations with him. I gave in I wish I didn't. But he said he is more comfortable with me than her. A friend of ours met her the other night and said she was ugly and was a ***** to her. She didn't like her at all and told my H. Our friend told my H he has to chose and he said he doesn't want to be with his gf.I can tell he still loves me because just 2 weeks ago with the ticket thing he never wanted to talk or see me again. He was so afraid she would call at the house when he was here he made me take the phone up so the kids didn't answer the phone. On Saturday morning he stopped by the house for a few minutes and she called about 10x's to see if he was here and he was only about 10 minutes late going to her house. He left and she came here to see if he was still here. But he is afraid of her for some reason. And I know she is very jealous of me. Plus my friend said she tries to look like me with her hair and color of it. Does anyone ever see alot of OW doing that?

Maybe I'm weird or don't know your story, but why on earth is OW allowed to call your house?

Well Goldie,

This might shock you...but guess what??
I'm not gonna blast you for the SF...

Having SF with a WS is your call...some can handle it well, need and meet that connection...others can't...

It is very important though to not place unrealistic expectations and outcomes...that you must take great care to protect yourself...both physically since he is sleeping with other people....and emotionally as things have been very unstable ..and sex doens't fix things <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ...never has...never will

It sounds like from your post...the fact she called a gazillion times...that there is loads of evidence why YOU should be doing this lovely Plan A...

The more she escalates , demands, remains unstable is all more the reason you should do the oppposite...let her be the one at the end of each day that has caused chaos and grief...and you be the one who has been calm, responsible and loving to your children....

quit focusing on her what she looks like...
quit sending out and looking for reporters to tell you all this he said she said...
take your phone of the hook if she is calling over and over...

Don't gloss over and rewrite history..he didn't stop over sat...he was harrassing you for more money...(porabably to spend at a bar)...and stole both your car keys and threatened you with no tranportation till you met his money demands)...

Stay focused (or get focused) on you...
Goldie having sex with him is your choice...but your goal is decrease pain and crisis in your life...take only actions that bring that...

today is a new day...
are you going to..
contact alanon...(i will not let that one go)
have you talked to older daughter and made things good between the two of you...
helped your children feel safe...
worked out a monetary plan ..that meets the childrens needs first and give a copy to your husband...
made an appointment to be tested for stds...

lots to do today...and not one this has anything to do with ow... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ARK

Because he is living with her, since December. He came home 2x's since then 1 time for 2 weeks and the last for a month. Believe me she is a *****.

I honestly think my H is going to wise up 1 of these days and wake up and realize that she is no good and we both made mistakes in our marriage. He always had to be under control with me, but his gf has control over him and I just can't believe he puts up with it. Maybe that is what he likes, do you think I should do that?? And why do you think his gf is trying to look like me with the same hair cut.

I will go to Al-non, because since I went the last time my H and I got into a bad car accident, because I picked him up at a bar when he was drunk and I was the one to get severly hurt.

As for money I filed with my lawyer for child support, but he hasn't told me that he got the papers or not. Maybe that will wake him up, because he also has to pay for me and my health insurance while I am not working because of the car accident.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He always had to be under control with me, but his gf has control over him and I just can't believe he puts up with it. Maybe that is what he likes, do you think I should do that?? And why do you think his gf is trying to look like me with the same hair cut.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Go back and read again what Ark said. She said it perfectly and is very wise. That is what you should do. Please listen to her.

It doesn't matter at all how OW cuts her hair!

Quit focusing on OW.

Focus on you and your kids and helping them feel safe.

Susan

<small>[ April 24, 2003, 07:18 AM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Goldie,,,

You crack me up...do you ever HEAR anything...

but his gf has control over him and I just can't believe he puts up with it. Maybe that is what he likes, do you think I should do that??

Goldie are you for real...are seriously thinking that the way to reconcile with your husband is to learn how to control him?????
Get a big dog...you'll have much better luck...

And why do you think his gf is trying to look like me with the same hair cut.
Since you can't do anything but focus on her...good diversion tatic for your and his responsibility....dye your hair purple for spring and see if she follows suit...better yet shave your head...and see what happpens... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

get it Goldie...each ounce of energy and thought you spend on her is wasted time....
She will self destruct on her own...
Rise above all this...

Look fabulous for yourself...who cares what she looks like...
feel good for you...

Goldie..you definately get an A for effort in the area of diversional tatics....

know this is meant with good intentions....
can't wait to see the purple hair <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Goldie, I'm not going to tell you that you're stupid, but I am going to suggest you should not jump into bed so quickly with your H.

Let's see if you can answer these questions, or if you'll ignore them. If you ignore them, that tells me something too:

When you had SF with your H, tell me how many minutes passed before he ran out of the house again, and did he have any new cash in hand from you when he did leave?

(Abusive) men are nice to us to get what they want, and too often what they want is sex (and in your situation, money), not a complete and healthy mutually respectful relationship. Take it from someone who feels like she's lost a significant amount of self-respect for letting her H have SF with her, but basically ignore her the rest of the time. I've gotten pretty much no where letting him have SF with me. He's said things like "I'll never be as sexually attracted to anyone else like I am to you," but is no closer to wanting to recover our marriage.

So consider the questions in bold above!

Jen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Goldie,,,

You crack me up </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ark, you crack me up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Purple hair???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I'm surprised she hasn't got her teeth pulled out yet too like mine from the car accident. (only kiddin) Maybe I will go get my hair dyed purple, my kids would like it. I think the backhoe bucket did something to my head from my accident. Speak of teeth I better go get a shower so I can go to the dentist to get my new teeth. I know that is what I have to do I I just have to keep typing it and thinking it on what you say so it gets drilled into my head.

Peace to you on this day Goldie..

you sure do have a lot on your plate...(dang accident)

but really I think a purple haired woman with no teeth..would be adorable...you go girl...

seek solace in all you do...
ARK

See my H always made and I thought I was ugly, Do you know how many heads I turn and I didn't realize it. Even with 9 teeth missing, and I look good after getting hit in the face with a backhoe, no one can believe me.

So take personal pride in knowing that you are beautiful, inside and out, and don't even consider what the OW, or your H when he is being hurtful may think.

Hmmm.....are you ignoring my questions above or are you "processing" them?

Jen

Jen, He left about 15 minutes later and no I did not give him any money. By the way I chickened out I didn't dye my hair purple. Instead I got it dyed green. (only kiddin') I did get some new clothes though and pj's.

Goldie-

They sell temp dyes in the hair salon that wash out after a single shampoo....

Can't tell you you're stupid, you love you H.

Just make sure that you protect yourself from any STD's.

Keep being nice, he'll swing back your way...will you still want him then?