We are about a month into this, my wife had an A with an OM.

I won't go into all the details but basically I am a week or two into Plan A. My question is weither I should say "I love you", try to hold hands, try to kiss etc. her. Usually she is accomodating if I do so, she will reply "I love you too" hold my hand or kiss me. But she will never initiate it.

Of course I want to do all these things, she is my wife after all. But I really feel that she is draining my bank so much latley. I have read some conflicting views on how to act during this time period. Some say be really nice, always say I love you, etc. etc. and others say to change your behavior, become a mystery, never let the other know how you are really feeling as that will cause them to respond.

Does anyone have some advise that I can do? If I dont do these things, that is fine with me, I dont have too. What I really want is a response from her and that is why I do them.

Thanks.

I desparately wanted to reconnect with my FWH after dday. We made love at least once a day, went for long walks, worked out...did everything together. We were always touching and talking...we became great friends and lovers again...the rest took time and counseling. Make sure you do the EN's questionairre and start meeting each other's needs...that helps get the connection going faster and it's fun.

We plan on doing the EN's questionairre tonight so I am excited for that!

I want to keep doing all that stuff, but it is such a LB when I get 0 response back. She isn't mean about it or anything, rather acts like she is going along with it to make me happy.

Without some more details (a seach on this forum only popped up the rough sex and "love" threads), it's hard to tell where your W is in terms of willingess to work on recovery.

Depending on the "diagnosis" the course of action may differ.

But if the WS is with you and not in contact with OP, then generally you do things that contribute to their happiness. I hope other aspects like remorse and/or empathy for your feelings are going well.

That's a good start. Once you both start healing and have dealt with the issues that came up in MC then that on top of meeting each other's EN's should become more natural.

Have you read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder, I realized from reading some of your other posts that you and your wife are very religious.

Dave is a pastor and writes his infidelity recovery book with a religious spin as well. Great book for both BS and WS.

Don't be afraid to show affection, women like it even when not ready to completely and openly accept it.

We have been married a little over a year and she recently went on a trip to another country. She said she was never looking for an escape or another man - it just happened. She says she wishes she had never gone because she loved what we had before. She is in love with this man, and he loves her, they believe they are soul mates. She has been home for about a month, they can't see each other due to the geographical thing but email and chat online quite frequently. The OM and my W recently decided they would not talk to each other for 3 months because they want to make the right decision here and want to base it on truth and not emotion. She is still in love with him and I honestly think deep down she believes she can be with him again.

It is hard for me to grasp since as you said, we are very strong Christians. She knows God does not want her to be w/ the OM but she still wants to go. She says she wanst to work on our marriage, but I seem to be taking the lead role. If I have a good talk with her, she says she wants to work on things and put forth the effort but her actions do not show that at all. She has meet with our MC and they have been doing some sessions just the two of them for a while. My W has some issues in her past and the MC believes this is the cause of the A, not her love for another man. The MC wants to solve that before we work on our marriage which is fine with me. The trouble is that my love bank is draining more by the day and I honestly dont know how I feel anymore. I want to love her, but it is really hard to do so. I am trying to have patience but with her being gone on this trip and then coming home I feel like I haven't had my wife around forever. Every second around her is a constant battle of how to act and what to say.

I haven't read Torn Asunder, thanks for the recommendation!