So much becomes clearer to me as the fog lifts and days pass. Time is the greatest healer of all, for myself (the WS) as well as H. As I see him accepting the A and finding forgiveness, my
focus shifts some- from his recovery to my own wounded spirit.

I realize I do not feel whole. Last night we discussed this. I thought at first it was due to my grief and withdrawel from the OM....but it's so much more than that. It's my regret and sorrow over giving so much of myself to another person....of wasting years of energy, love and emotion. I gave away all I could, what I hold *most* sacred...and one question haunts me forever: "For what?"

OM told me that I will always be a part of him.
I grieve for that part of me that was lost. And I doubt he even fully appreciates all that was given. It is like a stranger came into my life and robbed me of something precious that I am not sure I can ever get back.

I now thank God each and every day for my H.
Through this all, his loves remains pure and true. I have come to find out he is 10X the man
that OM was...with AMAZING charachter and strength. He is the most unselfish person I have ever known. I look into his eyes and feel grounded and safe.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Nice to see. Keep up the posts B.

MTD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is like a stranger came into my life and robbed me of something precious that I am not sure I can ever get back.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sweetie, you can get it back, and much, much more.

I felt the same way at one time. I beat myself up forever, but all of this started me on this journey of self discovery. I am much further down the path than you are, but I will tell you this. I bring you hope.

All of it NOW is but a faint memory for me.

You will get there too. God bless.

Susan

Breeney .....

I am glad you are on MB.

You're going to be a huge success story! It takes time and patience .... and determination, and Grace. I think you've got what it takes.

Grieving is appropriate. I am doing a bit of that myself these days

Bree ..... I'm going to change the subject for a second: (>hi Suz<) ..... I had a bad day today. I had a temper tantrum at work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , I came home and cried, and then went to bed at 3 PM and took an hour nap. I just want to cus a blue streak (as if that does any good).

Bree ...... I am praying for you and your husband's recovery.
Pepper