Hi bad night. I went out for awhile with my friend and I had a babysitter for the boys. At 2 am on my way home I got calls from my H and his gf saying they were at my house and asking who was watching the boys that no one was here. His gf was saying she was in my kitchen and said the colors of it. I thought great the babysitter took off. Well I called my father because he lives close by and he came over. When I got home there were 3 cops at the house. Here my H threatened to kill the babysitter if he didn't leave the house and he took off to call 911. My H and his gf were gone when I got here. I have to get a pfa against him and possibly her too, because she was told awhile ago by the police not to be near my property. The boys said him and her were snooping through everything downstairs and upstairs. Now I have had enough of this it has to be over. And his gf is a wacko for sure now. She is the one that was calling me not him, even though I know he had a part in it too.

hello goldielocks. I never replied to you before but I read your things all the time. I'm no pro but I would like to offer you some opinions.
you're being dragged through an emotional wringer and it's not fair to you. have you read about plan b and have you thought of heading in that direction? I'm not sure how old your kids are but this can't be good for them either.
you need to take control of your life back. you need to protect you and the kids. even if the ow is wacko your h is fogged out and not being himself either. protect yourself. protect your kids.
finally are you in counseling? just my opinion again but I think it would help your perspective if you had a professional to guide you through this mess your h has created.
once again just my opinion. goodluck

uggghhhhh

Change all the locks on you house today...

I swear to god I hope the baby sitter is pressing charges for the threats they made ...
God talk about dragging an external innocent person in to this mess..

Were the children at any time left alone because of their actions...and also who the heck wer with her children at two am if she recently just got custody back...

Goldie you must becomre as protective as you can...
change all the locks..
secure all the windows...
assist the babysitter in any and all charges that are applicable....make them acountable...
See what charges if any you can file against her...

Were your children witnesses to all of this??
gag and shheeesh...
Goldie let go of even thinking about her...focus you energy and thoughts where they belong on your husbands shoulders...

steals all car keys on Sat...
doesn't she kids for easter
comes over for SF..
and now terrorizes his own children at night...

drop the loser...
(at this point in time..he causing great stress to your children...)

ARK

goldie,

I am going to play Devil's Advocate.

I realize that people need a night out every now and then. I also realize that people need the company of other adults.

What I cannot figure out is whether you are really taking into consideration your children's needs in all this drama.

Just a few questions to ponder and I do not mean to come across as questioning your parenting skills.

Why would you need to know the legal age that you can leave children home alone at night? Do you plan on hitting a few of the bars in search of your WH?

Why would you be out until 200am when you have small children at home? Your children do not need a mother that is doing her own fair share of bar hopping.

Again, everyone does need a night out on occasion, but I am not so sure that now is the time to be doing that. Your children need some stability and emotional support right now. You are the only person in line to give it to them.

Concentrate on your children, take care of them, provide a safe environment for them. Do not leave them alone for such long periods of time with a babysitter like you did last night.

I realize that I could get blasted for taking this POV but I really think you need to put your own needs and wants aside right now.

Parent those children, do not abandon them...either physically nor emotionally.

The bottom line...I think that you are trying to play some type of game with your WS. You want to be in places where he is likely to show up, such as bars. You are not doing yourself any favors by doing that.

JMHO
committed

Committed - I am not going to blast you but hey I am gonna disagree... That was one night she was out - I mean she had a babysitter - they were obviously at home in bed where they belonged... I don't see what her going out until 2:00am has to do with the fact that her husband and girlfriend tresspassed... I mean I am sure that the children are her top priority or she wouldn't have even asked how old they had to be to be left alone - she would have just left them but instead chose to get a babysitter.... I must be missing something because I am not sure why you think she was out on the bar scene hoping to see her exhusband??? What did I miss - ?? I just think well - obviously this was a bad situation and I don't think Goldie needs any blame to be put on her to make her feel probably worst than she already does... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

maw,

It's ok that you disagree. The world is based on people that have different POVs...it's what makes the world go round. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am NOT blaming her for what happened. I just suggested that it might be best for her to stick close to her children right now. She doesn't need any ammo for her WS to use if he attempts to get custody of the children. It is always best to be prepared for that.

She needs to keep focused on the kids....and I did wonder if the reason she goes out is in search of him. That's why I asked her to look at those things. People have done things like that before.

Again, I am not placing blame on her ...just thinking that she might need to ask herself what is really best RIGHT NOW for those children.

Respectfully
committed

committed - I didn't really think that you were blaming her but she might feel bad about what happened and it just might put more guilt on her....OK and I guess I do agree with your theory on the ammo for the wacko husband as she likes to call him... I guess you are right - She needs to do what is best for the children right now....OK so I guess I am leaning towards your point of view.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

For your questions on going out last night. I was with a couple of my friends that I don't see that often. I am not a bar hopper, and I don't drink hardly at all. Yes I feel guilty as to what happened and I love my children more than any of you can ever imagine and I want what is best for them. I lost my H to this girl, money and I am not losing my kids to her or him. I am trying to get on with our lives but how can I when he keeps it up? It's so hard now to get a PFA unless you are threatened to get killed so I am filing harrassment charges against the 2 of them. My H called today like he did nothing wrong and said it is his house too and he can invite anyone he wants over. She was told my the cops 6 wks ago not to ever come on my property again. As far as the house the house isn't in my H's name. My kids were glad I was going out last night to get out with friends I haven't seen, and because they like the boy that was babysitting and they enjoy his company. How was I to know he would threaten the life of the babysitter to get him out of the house so they can come in the house with the kids here. Especially with the kids here. I guess he doesn't think too much of them as I have been seeing over the past months. They love me and want to be with me, because they trust me, they don't trust my H. And no I am not trying to compete with my H or go to bars that he goes to, I have had enough of this childless behavior with him and his gf and I want to get on with my life and make myself a better person and my children. Please don't condone me from going out every now and then, for I am not an abusive mother, alcoholic or druggie I am a single mother with all the responsibilities to make sure my kids grow up right and not be like their father.

And yes I am very upset and feel guilty, I feel guilty about everything that is going on and put the blame on myself for even having an A 18 months ago. I am trying to get over the blame and my H is responsible for his own actions now.

bump

bump

Goldi,

The actions that transpired was not your fault nor that of your children. As a responsible adult you took the steps necessary to ensure the safety of your children. What you may not have realized is that your personal presence may be what is protecting your H & OW (she doesn't even deserve the title GF) from doing this in your presence.

So now what? Well that 'threat' can't be proved until H and OW cross the line, which they did last night. Now you should have grounds to show you fear for the safety of your property (home and contents, including vehicle and other places) along with the safety of your children regardless where they are.

Why? Because in time they would also consider you fair game and do the same to you, the children and the property.

They were looking for something. Did they find it? How old are your children? Can you change the locks?

Get the RO, call the abuse women's hotline in your area and get some ideas and support. Speak with your lawyer to get your legal options. Ask the police what your civil options are.

This is not to be treated lightly. Even though you H may regret this later, he does not need to be given any slack right now. You don't know his thinking pattern so you need to do what it takes to protect you and the children.

If he says you are making a big deal out of nothing, let him know that it is your choice based on his actions. When his actions make you feel safe, then you can think about relaxing your choices.

Do not give into his bullying tactics.

take care,
L.

Yesterday my H called like nothing happened the night before. I said you threatened to kill the babysitter and he said no I didn't I don't threaten anyone. I said yes you did and the babysitter was scared ****less. Then my H wanted to know if his paycheck was deposited in our joint acct I still have opened and I said yes and he said good I'm getting it out to pay my truck loan, so now that is 2 paychecks since my H went back to work that I have not got any money out of. I did file for child support but did not have a hearing yet.

Then last night me and the kids weren't home and he called my cell saying he needed his hunting stuff, I said we aren't home and he said I have the key to get in the house that he took last Saturday and I said I got the locks changed today and then he said I will break down the door then. So I said no I will go home and get your stuff and you can come get it. So he shows up with his gf in the truck and rings the door bell, I give him his stuff and there him and her are making out in my driveway on purpose. My H said it is his house and he can invite whoever over that he wants, I told him your name isn't on the house so it's not his and she was told not to come on my property at all. They said I can't get a PFA, but I can file harrassement charges on the 2 of them.

They called me at 1 point and asked me who was watching the kids and I said my daughter's friend. Then they called again and I didn't hear it right away and I called back and my H's OW answered her cell phone and was saying no one is here with the kids and I am in your kitchen and said the colors of the kitchen. I looked around yesterday and he took a bag of clothes that were his and a couple of pictures, but my 1 son said they were going through papers in the kitchen too.

Goldi,

Just know that they will try to do more so just give them less opportunity to have access to you and your family (including property).

You are really tightening the noose around the OWs wiley ways. She doesn't like it and is starting her own LB ways. Now she will be directing them straight at you so be alert.

Know that the WS right now is more of a pawn. Dumb pawn but still a pawn. OW maybe the one calling the shots and the WS may think he is the one who is calling the shots, either way, someone is shooting you and your family with abusive insults and great disrespect..... not to mention potential theft and the threat of more......

Be wise, be prepared and be forewarned. Put all in your support group on alert. Code Orange!

take care,
L.