I know most of you old timers know my story. A brief look at my signature line pretty much tells it all.

Steve H. has been advising me for nearly a year now that I should file for divorce. Due to my own insecurities and a desperate feeling that I needed to make sure I’ve done everything I possibly could to save my marriage, it took me this long to actually take action. I’ve actually avoided coming back to this site because I didn’t want to deal with what I knew I had to do. What made it even harder was dealing with the homosexual aspect.

It has become painfully evident that my wife has no intent of reconciling. Separated from me now for over two years, she is perfectly content with having my and our daughters’ lives revolve around her secretly being able to keep this ongoing affair with this OW. She could have filed a no contest divorce after 18 months of separation. But there still is no end in site. As far as our marriage is concerned, we still do the things that benefit her financially. We file our income tax as married and split the auto insurance with all vehicles in my name.

I signed the divorce complaint this week. After all she has put us through, it was the last thing I wanted to do. But as SH has stated, it is no good for me to continue living this way and our daughters need to know that this is not the way a family should live.

I want to thank my friends here, especially Bramble, WAT and Cleo, for all of their great support.

HI Always-

Just to let you know someone read and understnads our pain. I filed a month ago after 2 years of my H hving left me and setting up home with another woman. I didn't have the homosexuality to deal with but I know the pain of having hung on and tried everything with hope that they will come home, and then the ventual acceptance that nothing is going to change. Having filed i have found a strange peace and happiness with life. I hope you do the dame.

Jante

dear always hopefull- im sorry to hear this but you seem to have done everything possible. hopefully this will give you some peace.

good luck

Always Hopeful,

I am sorry it has come to this for you... maybe she will wake up?? after the filing... maybe she will change... sounds like her lifestyle, for HER, HER, HER is more important than family, at least in her 'right-now' state of mind.

You deserve better and now maybe you can find it when you are ready.

I too am heart broken that my WH is not breaking his addiction to alcohol, and that he puts his 'lifestyle' above me and the kids. I am truly heart broken... I am unsure my wh knows what it takes to make a family work. Funny we go into Marriage so in love, and we just assume someone we are so happy with ... will surely understand commitment down the road with the kids, etc. My WH seems to have run away from being a grown up.... - don't tell him I said that.... and your situation looks a bit familiar.

I am unsure if my WH is still in any sort of relationship with any OW... or a new one, I doubt it at this point..b ut as I draw my boundaries to his way of life... we lose each other, and he may find someone more accepting of how he lives.

Anyway, I ache for my children and this wkend and holidy visitiation and how awful it is. I am sorry my poor 4 yr old is almost entirely going to grow up this way if nothing changes.. and it is in his court... for us to have a WHOLE... family unit... we can't control that....

But we can control what happens when the kids are with us alone, and maybe someday in a blended family... sad, but better than with a parent who is not in on the 'family' stuff/goals/life... etc.

I am saddened by your filing, and I know I may get there too... don't at all feel bad. I am so glad you posted. I am 19+ months into my seperation and growing very very tired.

Hugs to you and Strength as you take the right steps. Keep doing the Next Right Thing.

Hugs, Honey

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>

I am sorry it has come to this for you... maybe she will wake up?? after the filing... maybe she will change... sounds like her lifestyle, for HER, HER, HER is more important than family, at least in her 'right-now' state of mind.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think SH had this somewhere in mind, but I'm not counting on it. Its been two years since she left and the affair started at least that much before.

<small>[ April 28, 2003, 04:49 AM: Message edited by: Always Hopeful ]</small>

I don't know your story but am sorry to hear of the painful decision you have come to. However, if your wife is a lesbian, there is nothing you could have done about this or to change it or save your M. I am sure you have researched this issue, but it is perhaps more common than you would think - people blieve they are hetero-sexual but are in fact gay or lesbian.

I wish you strength to deal with the forthcoming DV - I am there too, and although my situation is completely different, I still filed for DV with a heavy heart and much sadness. Know that it will get better and you will again become peaceful.

Lisa

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lisa in London:
<strong>I don't know your story but am sorry to hear of the painful decision you have come to. However, if your wife is a lesbian, there is nothing you could have done about this or to change it or save your M. I am sure you have researched this issue, but it is perhaps more common than you would think - people blieve they are hetero-sexual but are in fact gay or lesbian.

Lisa</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've done two years worth of research and reading. I even checked out an AOL group of straight people with gay spouses.

The problem is, there are a lot of different views on the subject. There are those that think that people are either gay or straight with no middle ground. There are others, including our own Steve Harley, that believe there are choices given the circumstances. There is even a widely accepted measurement known as the Kinsey scale that rates sexual preference on a scale of 1 to 6. One end is completely hetrosexual while the other is totally homosexual.

All I know is that I've reached the end of my rope. My wife will have to make her choice very shortly. I'm not going to let her use our marriage as a cover. All the lies and covering up she is doing is having an adverse effect on my life and certainly our daughters lives. She actually has my youngest not mention to her father the fact that she brings her to see this OW. How does that make me look in my daughters eyes and what are we teaching her?