After filing the separation petition yesterday my wife called and asked what I had requested as far as custody. I told her that I filed for primary physical custody and visitation for her every other weekend, alternating holidays, and three weeks in the summer. She freaked out and said she couldn't believe I would do that. She claimed that we had always said to each other that if we split up we would have equal custody of the kids. I told her she was mistaken, that what we said was that we would never use the kids to hurt each other. She acted shocked that I would do this even though I told her on at least three other occasions that this is what I was going to do. Her Mom called me later that evening to warn me that she was on her way over here. She was ranting about taking the kids and running away, or maybe moving far away herself and leaving me to tell the kids what happened to their Mother. All the kinds of things I would expect her to say.

Well she walked into the house and announced that she was going to move back here, quit school, get a full time job, and save up enough money to get her own place. I was in total shock! I can't believe she thinks she can just move back here now. It's going to take her a long time to save enough to get her own place, and she still has to find a job! I don't know why she's doing this. She could stay at her Mom's or with the OM, any number of places. I would prefer any place other than here but there's not much I can do about it. I don't know if this was just an emotional reaction and maybe she will leave again in a few days or if she just wants to make my life hell so that I will cough up the money for her apartment. I would still like to work things out with her but right now I need some space to sort out my own feelings and us being apart would be the best thing. I don't know what I'm going to do next.

Sounds like she is scared of losing everything (as she should be) and is grasping at straws in thinking that this is what will make you happy. Sad attempt on her part. Every action has a reaction. She feels she has lost her control over you and she doesn't like it. Time to stand up and stick to your guns. Talk to a lawyer to see if you have any recourse to her actions. She is indeed hurting the kids by having them around a make believe marriage. Does she think that as long as she is there but continues to have OM that this will make YOU LEAVE instead? Stick to your plan. She has to hit rock bottom before she see's what she has done. And it looks like she is starting on that downward spiral.

If you feel you can't handle her back with her cake attitude, then send her packing.

When my WS announced he was coming home (with OW yelling in the background to take him back), I told him to stay with the OW longer.....I gave him back his words that they were 'soooo right for each other'. Then later when he would semi threaten to leave, I would encourage it. U see no more slack. The person I wanted back was NOT a cake eater.

Time to define and start setting your boundaries.

JMHO,
L.

Starman,

How R U doing today?

L.

Hi Orchid. I'm doing fine today. My wife has not been here anymore than she was before up to this point so it hasn't been bad. Early next week I'm going to talk with her about not staying here because I know as the negotiating starts on the separation agreement that it will get pretty tense for a while. Hopefully she will see this and do the right thing. Probably wishful thinking.

Starman, I'm sorry things have gotten to the point where you had to file for divorce. Unfortunately, your WW left you no choice. I am concerned about her threats, however, to take the kids. Obviously, you know her better than I do. Is this an idle threat where she was just simply ranting and blowing off steam? Or, does she have it within her to do something like that? Could your lawyer do something to keep her from taking kids and keeping her out of the house? I don't know what jurisdiction you live in, but do you live in one where two people can still live under the same roof and still be separated? I only ask because I'm concerned that your WW might manipulate the situation and claim that you weren't separated because she lived there.

Whatever you do, my prayers are with you. Good luck on negotiating the separation agreement!

Starman- Perhaps she is trying not to look bad in the eyes of the court for abandoning her kids- be careful.. it might be that she got some legal advice, even from a friend, etc... to move back home so she won't lose custody.

Watch out.

Honey

starman,

You have had a lot of grief.

Stick with your plan for now. It might bring WS out of fog.

Sometimes it has to be tough love, but its still love.

You know where you are, and what you need to do.
You have had some good advice on this post.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<small>[ April 27, 2003, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>