It took me about 1/2 an hour to decipher that my reasons for crying, are because of a trigger, thanks to my H's disrespectful behaviour.
Here's what happened today:
It was schooltime, and our local elementary school was in (it is across the street from my townhouse). However, there were at least 5 schoolage kids (all around the same age of 11 and 12) hanging around the complex, and playing outside. I knew 2 of the kids, and consider myself to be friends with their mums.
Of course, my gut is telling me that they're ditching school (it amazes me how young some kids are who skip school nowadays). So, thanks to the help of MB, and learning to THINK BEFORE ACTING, I called up the school to see if it was open.
The phone rang and rang and rang. So I hung up, and called again. It just kept on ringing (I'd say I let it ring at least 10 times each time I called). Worried, I called the DISTRICT SCHOOL BOARD to find out if that school was opened or not. The receptionist I spoke with said that it was open, and that she had no idea why they weren't answering their phones, but to keep on trying to get through to them. That was at about 11:20am, just before their lunch.
Being a parent, and knowing that I would expect my neighbours to do the same if they saw MY kids out and about when they should be in school, I told the two kids off for being at home. The boy (next door), had been outside with his friends who were throwing rocks (that's what caught my attention in the first place), and I told him he should "get his [censored] in school". Then I called my other friend, and her d picked up the phone. I proceeded to tell her that she should be in school, and I know that he mum would not approve of her being at home alone. (both of the mums are at school during the day, and both are single parents like me).
At 1pm, after putting the twins down for their naps, I went to get my mail. At the mailbox, I met my other neighbour, who explained that the school wasn't really open, b/c of a power outage from this mornings' severe thunderstorm (we only lost power for 10 minutes on this side of the street).
Right away, I knew that I would have to apologize to the kids. I've also talked to their mums ahead of time. The mums understood, especially after I explained that I went through proper channels first, before talking to the kids.
Anyways... here's where the trigger comes in. The 12 year old girl was playing out back. I went outside and asked if I could talk to her for a minute. She said, "na", and kept on playing. Okay... so then I said, "That's fine ******, I'll say it in front of your friends... I want to apologize to you for yelling at you earlier today". She ignored me, and kept on playing. So I went back in the house, and then called her mum to let her know that I did apologize, however, she would not allow me to tell her the whole story.
Then I sat down and bawled my eyes out. It was bugging me that the actions of a 12 yr old were affecting me so much!!! How could that be? I did everything right (well, aside from using the word "[censored]"), and yet I was being punished.
Then it dawned on me. She was acting EXACTLY like my H would!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It's no wonder I was hurting so much!!! H would ignore me, and walk away, and never acknowledge me. Even when I was in the wrong over something and apologized to him, he'd shun me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I've been doing so well, and this latest "trigger" really took me for a loop. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But thankfully I have MB to come and vent it over to.
Thanks for "listening".
Karen
