I posted in the planA/B section and really did not get enough replies on my situation.

My H has decided to leave (not sure for how long). He is going to stay at his mother's home in order to get some time to him self. He said he would continue with counselling but he needed to try and think things through and make the right decisions. My daughter is really pissed at him and is very upset. I am coping with my loss and hers right now. H knows how hurt we both are and has appoligised for this. He e-mailed me yesterday after I e-mailed him to explain our daugther's reaction to him. He said the he loved me, respected me as a great mother and as his wife. He said he would not have achieved all he has in his life without me and the I have been a very important part of his life.

My hope is that he goes and gets his head on straight, misses me and my daughter and his life in general (friends, social). I cannot change his mind about anything, he is very strong willed in this respect. He did read a chapter in a book I gave him before he left on business yesterday. It was on midlife crisis and was like looking in the mirror of my life right now. Beside the A, the depression, indecisions, not being happy, panicing and wanting to run. Anyway, I hope this will open his eyes a bit. I think he is planning on leaving after the weekend.

My question is that when he is gone, do I continue plan A and be available to him emotionally and show my interest in him, such as calling him during the day to see how he is? Do I let him come to the home on the weekends to help with the work around the yard and house - he seems to want to do this. I just feel like I would miss him every single time he left to go back to his mom's. Do I tell him to stay away completely for a certain period of time, but he can call and talk to his daughter and me?? How do I handle this. I do not want to really start plan B yet, but am sort of in between I guess. I have made a "to do list" for the house and showed it to my daughter and told her this is what we are going to try and accomplish over the next little while to help us get on with our normal routine of life. Hopefully husband will see the changes and miss some aspect of the life he is thinking of throwing away.

HELP - Please give me advice.

What do you need to do? You seem to be doing it. I just answered on the other section and mentioned diversional activities. Having an ongoing list of things to do, things you would like to do... like a wish list may be fun too.

I think that since he is moving out I would definately set parameters with him. Since, he has actually just done this to you by moving out I think. take care, wflower

Thanks Wflower - Still, do I plan A , what type of parameters do I need to instill when he leaves to sort his head out?? I am afraid if he comes by on the weekends and spends time with us it will hurt when he leaves again. I know I have to be strong, especially to show my daughter that she can rely on me to help her and be supportive for her. I am just afraid I will hurt too much to see him and not be able to keep him. I can run the house myself, cut grass, garden, housework, laundry etc. myself, I do it now. He travels alot on business. I am used to being on my own for days at a time. I just do not know if it will help with the marriage to allow him to come and go or if it will just prolong the inevitable.

I would appreciate any feedback as to what type of boundaries I should set. I do love H and want my marriage to work, and I am willing to do whatever it takes.

stated,
it does hurt when they come and go, because when your together everything feels good you know you could work it out, but they arent ready to see it yet,i know it hurt so bad every time he would leave us,but you know what it hurts them too,i could see it in my h eyes and the way he would change when he knew it was time for him to go, sometimes he didnt even want to say bye to the kids or me he just would say i gotta go,with tears in his eyes, he was just so confused, he wanted to b hear with us, but yet h cant let go of ow, hes just so torn inside. all my kids are mad at himthe boy not so much but we have 4 girls,and they are all having a hard time we start counciling wed. its hard because they love him butthey are so angry and they cant tell him they dont want to hurt him, so they let it out other ways, fighting with each other constantly, they hit now when they rarely did before, they are getting in trouble at school for fighting, never had this problem before, my 10 yo walks around yelling at anything and currsing at everthing in her way! he was her whole world and h really let her down! i wish they could see what they are doing to these precious spirits, because of h blindness they will never b the same, i worry about how much of there future he has distroyed we will never know what could have been <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I have never gotten so far as to have to set the kind of parameters you need. I think that there is so much guilt that it clouds issues. Try to deal with the facts. You just said you are able to take care of your entire family. How wonderful is that. Be confidant in you.