I'm pretty confused about my feelings regarding this latest turn of events. Should I be happy for her, worried, what? I think a small part of me wanted her to make some sort of effort at R even if it was after the D but that's not going to happen.

Further, I've been seeing someone that I really enjoy spending time with and have alot in common with so why should I care? Do you think most people care about their former spouses forever? I guess I'm worried about her decisions even still...Sigh

Do I think you'll always care about her? Yes. I think that's natural.

What you're struggling with now is acceptance. I know you didn't really want the divorce, but when the other person absolutely refuses to budge...that's often the only resolution in order for everyone to be able to move on and find some peace. She's obviously reeling from everything yet and now it seems she's running to OM in order to try to find comfort. It's doubtful it will work out, even if she is divorced.

Reguardless, it's time for you to accept that you are divorced and try to move on. Don't sweat a future you can't possibly predict. There are so many things that COULD happen, but only time will tell. And try to avoid rushing out and filling the holes in your life with someone else right now too. Rebounds can be quite painful. Just find a hobby you enjoy and take some time to heal.

Do you know Litchfield? I think this is the first time I remember seeing you actually start a thread, although you have always been such a huge support to me, I hope I can now offer a little in return.

How should you feel? Well, I think exactly like you do. I still keep hoping H might come knocking on the door one day, but it isn't going to happen, but deep down you too still thought this might happen with your XW.

I personally don't think after so many years that it is easy just to cut off and not care anymore, even it is only caring in respect of their best interests. So, do you care that she is with OM, or do you care about the potential fallout that this may cause her? I think you care most about her wellbeing and that moving in with OM is probably going to be a real disaster - but of course, it must hurt you too that she is doing this, even if you were waiting for it to happen.

Feel however you want to because at the end of the day, you have to get through these feelings to move on to a place where you are actually indifferent and it really doesn't matter to you.

Be careful too in your new R, I'm sure you will, but I am glad that there is someone in your life to share some fun times with.

Take care of yourself

Lisa in, well it was rainy, but the sun is out now, London <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You should feel however you feel.. there is not right way to feel.

At this point it’s probably best if you get on with your life. Having as little to do with her as possible and knowing as little of her life as possible will help you move on. You have a lot of healing to do. This will let it happen.

JMHO

LIL- Thanks for the reply, and you're right, I haven't started many threads since I've been here. I think it's mostly because with the search engine and current topics, I usually find the answers to any questions I might have. Also, it's been a huge comfort for me to simply commiserate with people in similar situations!

Anyway, to answer your question, I think I'm most worried about the potential fallout for her. In a nutshell, my XW is (IMO) a very good person from sort of a twisted family background. By that, I mean both parents have been married more than once and they actually D'd because of a A that her mother had. The reason I mention that is because I think my X is simply doing what she knows. Does that make sense? I know people have to be responsible for their actions though....

That's interesting Litchfield, because that is what I expected, you are more concerned for her wellbeing than actually being upset about what she is doing. I think this is where I am. In the main I worry about what H is doing to himself rather than his R with Shiney Head (which is just a part of the damage he is causing himself) and will of course fizzle out.

It is interesting too about her family history. I think we are all shaped by our families and our past, but then we become shaped and influenced (well most of us do) by other things as we age - current freinds, partners, media etc. None of us are a blank sheet of paper, we are all books at various different chapters. I think it is too easy an excuse to say "My Mum/Dad/Grandad/Grandma did X and that has affected me for the rest of my life". I actually had this conversation with someone last night. Yes, of course our history and our past affect us today, but we can use it to develop and learn about ourselves and where we are now rather than use it as an excuse for our poor behaviour.....

Take care.

Lisa