I'm feeling bad for my boys again.

It was so sad tonight, when I was putting Eric down to bed (the twins were already in their cribs in their room). I looked over at the pictures of "daddy" in his room (I put them there for him, with his permission, about a month ago), and I asked him if he still wanted them there. He said yes, and that he wants ALL of the pictures. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I promised him that tomorrow we would look through the picture books (albums) together.

He is missing his daddy so much.... and yet H hasn't gotten his lawyers to get their asses in gear so that he can see them!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (there's that word "[censored]" again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Without trying to get Eric too confused, I explained to him that daddy had to get some "stuff" done, before they could see each other. And then he told ME that, "daddy doesn't know how to do it". <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I'm not sure what any of your beliefs are out there, but sometimes I SWEAR that Eric has a psychic sense about him.

Eric wants to go to his daddy's house. I told him that he can only go if Grandma and Grampa <H's parents> bring him there, and that he cannot sleep there, b/c daddy is living with someone else, and there's not enough room (he's got a male roomate... my guess is it's "buddy guy friend" who tried to attack me, but I could be wrong). I suggested to him that maybe he and "the brothers" (the twins) could go to Grandma and Grampa's house sometime for a few "night-nights", and that maybe daddy could be there too.

I also explained to him that I've got everything ready for them to go and see daddy. But that I'm waiting for them to call me, to let me know when it's going to be. He wanted to call his grandparents right away... but I told him we could wait until tomorrow sometime, b/c it's bedtime.

I hope I didn't tell him too much... but avoiding talking about it would be far worse. SIGH! It's so sad having to wait for them (H and his family) to get their butts in gear. And in the meantime, Eric is hurting, and they don't know it, b/c they don't think to call and make arrangements for visitations.

Part of me wants to call them up myself, and give them hell for not following through with their promises. But it's not my place to do so.... yet.

I was down earlier, from hearing from my lawyer that the court date on May 6th has been postponed until a later date. And now this. My heart is feeling heavy.

Karen

(((((((((((((((((((Karen)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Call me if you're still up.

Love ya,
Me

Extra hugs for the tired lady this morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

(((((((((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))))))))

Glad we got a chance to talk last night.

Love ya,
Me

Karen

I understand totally. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by sadness and I don't even really know why. Sometimes it is specific things - like your boys wanting to see their dad and his inability to make simple arrangements to do so.

I think it probably didn't help you seeing him the other day, because when he was out of sight, it really can be out of mind. You can get on, live your life as you have to. Seeing him probably brought back the realisation of it all to you, and then your boys too.

You are doing incredibly well and the boys will be resilient. Children often are more so than us <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You did the right thing explaining to Eric as much as you could in an obviously loving way.

Take care, follow through with the sad times, because tomorrow will be a better day.

Lisa

((((((((((KAREN)))))))))))

you are doing great......hang in.

Knewjie, Lisa, and nikko:

Thanks for the hugs and warm thoughts. They are MUCHly appreciated. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm feeling MUCH better today.

I didn't get enough sleep (but I really loved talking to ya Knewjie! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ), and we still had a great day. I took the boys over to my dad's house, and then Eric and I went to mail a package for my friend (the one expecting twin girls anyday now). We then did some shopping at the mall, and he helped me to pick out an outdoor hanging basket for our front door.

After bringing home the goodies, Eric and I returned to dad's house with a few more rubber balls (from the playroom), and me and the boys went out back of dad's and threw balls around for an hour or so. It was great!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We came home, the twins went down for a nap, and Eric did some painting in the kitchen. After dinner, I'll bring them out to the park in our backyard (it's fenced in 3/4 of the way around, so it's easy to keep 'em all rounded up in there. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ).

Once the twins are in bed, I'll sit with Eric on the couch, and we'll go through the picture albums as promised.

We're doing just fine. And I know it. And I've always known it. I'm just saddened by H's choice to not have anything to do with it all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> (according to his actions, not his words of course).

nikko: you may be right, in that in MY case, it might be better for the boys to have nothing to do with their father.

lisa: I don't think that seeing H this week caused the "downer" mood, b/c if anything, I was feeling empowered, and one more step ahead in healing. But the mind is a strange thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Knewjie: I want to say something smartass to ya, but my mind's gone blank. Oh well! I'll leave it for now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Luv ya gals! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen