Ok I received a letter from ex-WH. I read it, for 2 reasons- 1, we are selling our house so I wondered if he said anything about it, and 2- I knew an alimony check was in there so I HAD to open it! And I guess 3, I wanted to know what it said. Chris123 said Plan B means not reading letters from WH or listening to Voicemails. I don't see that in SAA, anyone have feedback on that? I know you aren't supposed to be in contact so I guess that is technically contact, but I am not trying to reach him (Yes we are divorced but we were still talking after the divorce - final in March- and he was still talking to OW - she is pregnant with his child- due in August- and wanted to talk to us both basically so I sent a plan b letter and a letter telling him I was sorry for things in the marriage that I did and I quoted some specifics- ......Anyways, I wanted to show you the letter, so here goes:
M - Little Nutbrown Hare-,
I'm sorry this is coming late, but I wanted to be able to tell you I found a job. Well, I was able to find one. Well, I guess I've found two. I'm delivering papers & I got a job delivering patio furniture for during the day.
Before I write anymore, I want to tell you how much respect I have for you to write me and tell me what you are feeling. I have so much to tell you and say to you that I probably won't get everything out with this letter or probably in a lot of letters. I KNOW that you have changed and have God in your life. You talked about that you had a lot of "love busters" but I think I showed a lot of them too. I didn't help you NEARLY as much as I should have. Which leads me to think that I contributed greatly to our fights & arguments. I have so much to say about this that I think I'll save it for another letter.
It is so hard to trust God, but I know he will get me through this, just as He has helped you. And I know how hard it is not to talk to me, and that you so desperately want to help me, but sometimes the only way for someone to get better is to drown completely. I think that God is giving me step by step instructions to get my life back together. By doing this I keep my eyes on Him and don't focus on everything that is going on. Whenever I think about the entire situation I feel myself start to sink just like Peter did when he walked with Jesus on the water. The second he looked at the storm he began to sink. God is forcing me to look at my life Entirely. Not just the affair or you and our marriage, but also my relationship with Him and with other people. I took so much for granted and didn't appreciate the treasure that I had, mainly YOU. I was and sometimes still am so apathetic. It makes me sick, but it's a habit that has been with me for a long time, and I am struggling with it constantly.
Well, I haven't said nearly as much as I wanted to so I will keep writing and let you know how my walk is going.
Oh yeh, about the open house last weekend, I had ONE couple besides Faye come by. Oh well, I guess that is better than none. Faye really liked the house, but she said that her house would have to sell before she could do anything. Selling the house has been VERY frustrating.
Love,
R
PS NOTHING is impossible with God. And it is amazing how some of the disciples still doubted after they had SEEN Jesus' scars. I feel like God understands how hard it is and that's why He is so incredibly patient & merciful.

OK That is it!!!!!! What do you all think? IMO< It sounds like a love letter in part and in part a testimony of his life towards God, but not towards me? I don't know......I am not going to respond to it though. I did tell him in my Plan B letter -I wrote 2 letters- one saying what I did wrong in the marriage and that I was sorry- basically about the lovebusters and then the Plan B letter-Please don't contact me with a "let's try" or "we'll see" attitude but only with an "I will" attitude. If you choose to be with OW that is a decision that I will accept and move forward from. Oh and Little Nutbrown Hare is from the kids book "Guess how much I love you"- I ended Plan B letter with "With my love- Big Nutbrown Hare"....

Adgirl- I think this is a very positive letter from your exwh. I think he is finely beginning to
see, god will show him the right way. I am in almost the exact situation as you, OW with WH child. I will tell you to be prepared, the hardest time will be once the child is born and he sees that miracle, this is what has hindered our recovery, he is torn by the child not the OW.

Laurie2,
My best friend just had a baby and seeing her husband dealing with their daughter about tore me up. I hadn't really thought about the delivery much and if he would be there with her. It freaks me to think about it so i just have to pray about it and know that God will help me to see what is best for my life. How old is your OC?

Nice letter, but basically your Plan B letter stated, no contact until you are ready to let OW go and work on marriage. He is working on HIMSELF that's good. Don't respond to this letter AT ALL. Until he sends one that says, "I have made arrangements to be a part of OC life but not OW and I WILL WORK ON OUR MARRIAGE". Until then he is just continuing to keep you in limbo, the only difference is he is doing it by LETTERS of what he thinks you want to hear in hopes that you will contact him to EASE HIS GUILT. Plan B is about YOU, not him. Words mean nothing now, it's all about ACTION! You can continue to accept his letters, nothing wrong their, but don't break contact until he has said he is ready to work on your marriage together.

Thanks trying 2 forgive- you told me exactly what I need to do, and I knew that was correct, but just needed reassurance!! Because I told him, no contact with me until the OW is gone, and that I needed to move on, and to only contact me with an "I Will" attitude, instead of a let's try or we'll see attitude. So I will just keep on going as I have planned and not respond. Me not responding is totally out of character for me, so it shows I am really changing and really can make it too!!

adgirl-

Good for YOU!!!

He's definately wrestling his demons...this is exactly what you want...

My orayers are with you.

Thanks Kily! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Adgirl,

How are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Orchid,
Thanks for asking. I am doing ok. I am trying to just concentrate on me, and be strong for me. I am tired of playing games and my ex coming in and out of my life. I think I am worth more than the in and out dance. I don't want to hold onto an illusion but I want to be in reality. If he doesn't want me completely, then I want him out of my life completely. I can forgive but I can't be an emotional basketcase forever. So for now, I am just letting go and trying to focus on me and changes I need to make.
Again, thanks for taking the time to think about me. IT is nice to have people who know how I feel.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Michele