Hi Everyone,

I have posted a thread under "Just Found Out"..maybe some of you could read it. Well it is 3months since D-Day and this situation is so screwed up. I feel as though it may be time for Plan B to save my sanity. But then I think I have made it 3 months already maybe only another 3 months to go. If any of you read my thread..I would greatly appreciate any responses. Thanks

Hello Lisa0705

I read you post and you been in plan A this time and it has not helped you or H's fog at all.

He is getting both of you know, each one filling needs so he doesn't see a need to change. Plan B can be complicated cause he can run to OW and you feel further alone and your mind can play tricks. Go to that plan just for your mental health and if you feel you are strong enough to support it.
Althought right now I don't see any other plan for you.

Take good care

Review what you have learned in Plan A and make sure you are doing it great!

Plan B can be complicated cause he can run to OW
It's pretty much always expected in Plan B.

A good Plan A shows that you can be a great person. Plan B is because you do not wna to show that you are becoming a "bad" person.
When the affair ends, you want to be the one he can return to because he saw what you have learned in Plan A.

Hi Lisa,

Maybe you could do a synopsis of your story and post it here. You'd probably get more responses. Has your H agreed to NC yet?

BUMP , FOR LISA !

SHE is early into this , some repsonses from those MB VETS will go along way !!!

LISA ahng in there , you will get alot of support week ends are slow and post alittle more back round for everyone . Situation , kids, how long M , IC, MC status and the fact of ONGOING contact and how long .

HIS improvmnets and your fears , confustion ect.

THESE are great people hear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Guys,

Thanks for the responses. I have decided to come over her because now I am 3 months from D-day. Quick background: Have been with H for 6 years..Married alittle over a year. We are a blended family and alltogether have 5 children. We have our own business. H admitted affair to me because of guilt and he said he could not continue to lie to his best friend. H met OW over a year ago...became PA in October.

H has been in IC for about 11 weeks now..has had somewhat of a rough life. Today we had our first MC together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Problem here is continued contact with OW. H told me today he really doesnt even know why he continues contact. H just feels as though he can not make me happy. H told me there was no comparsion of the relationships..very simply stated I WAS HIS WIFE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Well then start acting like you ARE MY HUSBAND <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

I have been trying to Plan A with continued contact..and on some days I can do it quite well and others I cant. I thing I am going to try to continue with Plan A. I think I can do this now for two reasons: We have started MC and my Dr. has given me something to level out my emotions. Believe me I really want NC but the more I insist the worst things get.

Like I said my original post is under Just Found Out..much more info there.

Thanks again..looking forward to some great advice and support..

L

LISA, glad to see you feel ok with going on MED's , also that you guys got to MC session .

HOW are things going with you since you contacted OW ? Have there been any fall outs with H since then ?

Does MC know you are there to save M ? and that is your goal ?

TAke care of your self I'll be checking in , LIKE I said , there will be many others here that are great people and will be here to here you vent and that you can feel comfortable with to know exactly what you are feeling .

PLAN A your BUTT off !!

Hey Everyone,

Haven't been here in a few days. I have been feeling pretty okay the past few days. At least I haven't burst out in to tears like I was all the time.

Me and H went out together on Saturday nite..it was okay..H wasn't feeling to well. Sunday we did yard work most of the day together. We really haven't had any falling outs this week with the exception of him being mad at me for going on Meds. I finally asked him on Sat why he was mad? He said I was the strong one in this relationship and how terrible it made him feel that I had to go meds because of him.

Sunday afternoon he told me he cried his eyes out while he was working Friday night. I asked about what..H said everything. This is the first time he has cried since this all began. H has not seen OW in 8days now, but they have talked on the phone..mostly OW calling my H.

I think the fog may be lifting..H has now started to talk about OW critically, something he never did before. In fact if I talked bad about her he would get mad at me. Last night he told me he is pulling away from her and he is starting to realize the magnitude of the situation. I dont know and I sure will not let my guard down. H is continually IC and we have our 2nd MC on Friday.

Any opinions would be appreciated..lets hope we are starting to turn the corner!!!

L

Hi Lisa, happy to hear things are calming down a little. This would be a good time to start talking about your joint ideas of a recovery plan. Maybe you could start by printing out some of the stuff from this site on MB principles. Has he agreed to NC yet, to writing a letter? Recovery can't happen until NC is agreed to..at least not a complete recovery.

Has your H read SAA yet? If not please ask him to start reading it. He probably feels as if his situation is unique (my FWH felt like that in beginning) but after they start reading they realize quickly that they aren't unique...eyes open faster that way.

He told you he doesn't want to keep hurting you so tell him what you need to start healing.

Once you've started down this path you might want to start posting on the "in recovery" board.

DON"T take your gaurd down , but do see the good . THE steps he is taking , the mc, ic, and now slowing down on seeing OW .

PLAN A PLAN A PLAN A , AND stay away from talking about OW , very important right now , she may starting to LB and thats what you want .

YOU calm ,+ OW freak ,= WS sees her true c
colors. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

KEEP cool and busy very busy , it may get tense and weird feeling , not feeling sure if CONTACT will start again . JMVHO

3,

I hear you...hopefully he is starting to see his way..whats been going on with you..I read you had a tough weekend. I am here if you need to post back and forth. Thanks for all your help so far and in the future..its sounds as though we will both need it.

L

HEY LISA , go to your other posrt and really read MSJPW 'S response to you it sounds great ,might have heard that advice , but it was put so well .

THE things about really listening to OW's weaknesses . and then sorting through them .

GO read women !!!!!!!!!!