I'm the 36 year old BH, no kids together the XW had an A with my former best friend and moved in with him across the street when we divorced a year ago.

The OM and I still play softball together, but it is the only contact we have anymore. After the game last night the team goes out for a few beers. The OM pretty much concentrated on the women in the place and made quite a few comments. Judging them on how much beer you'd need to drink to find them attractive or want them. Most of the team are married or divorced and there usually isn't any talk like that. He was talking with one of the single guys.

I found this very disrespectful to my XW and I was rather surprised he'd do this in front of me. When my GF showed up he continued to do it. I'd think in front of me he'd want to seem like the perfect in-love guy regardless of what the truth is.

Men: What do you consider appropriate talk about women when you're out with the guys?

Ladies: How about your opinions?

Focusing on the "out with the guys" part, I'd say anything goes on talking about women if only the guys are there (no GF's, no Spouses) and, if no one finds that banter offensive or objectionable. Just MHO. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Talk is cheap, and the more beer the cheaper the talk. It can be hurtful. And we shouldn't do that, but we know it is done. I try to live and talk as though whatever I say and do could be repeated in front of my spouse without offending him.

The OM had consummed one sip before any talk started and nobody got drunk. This just isn't that kind of group.

I like your golden rule attitude WFLOWER and come to think of it that is pretty much what I try to do. I don't always do it, but I try.

This sounds crazy but I kind of felt like a big brother would towards the little sister's boy friend. I wanted to grab him and say you're supposed to be in love and you WILL respect my X you piece of #$#$.

What can you really expect from a man who sleeps with a friends wife?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WFLOWER:
<strong>Talk is cheap, and the more beer the cheaper the talk. It can be hurtful. And we shouldn't do that, but we know it is done. I try to live and talk as though whatever I say and do could be repeated in front of my spouse without offending him.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good point, not only because it's wrong but also because you never know who might repeat what you said back to your spouse.

With regards to the OM, he is further proof of how WS's almost always trade down when they leave their BS's to go live with them.

<small>[ May 16, 2003, 08:51 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I can say before my lovely wife's A I participated in these type of "discussions" but since then I do not.

d_rose:

I take it you realized what you had in your W and what you really aren't missing. I learned more about love in the time since my XW left than I had learned in my entire life before.

back to WFLOWER'S quote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I try to live and talk as though whatever I say and do could be repeated in front of my spouse without offending him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My GF called me to find out where I was at and to come join us. My behavior didn't change one bit before she calle, while she was in transit or when she got there. She came up behind me and gave me a big kiss. It's easy when it is real.

Guess I'm the only scumbag here so far! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Though I must admit, since I D-Day I find myself engaging in such talk a lot less than I used to. Suddenly, it didn't seem as fun or as funny as it used to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Guess I still have some room to grow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blind Sided:
<strong>Guess I'm the only scumbag here so far! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Though I must admit, since I D-Day I find myself engaging in such talk a lot less than I used to. Suddenly, it didn't seem as fun or as funny as it used to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Guess I still have some room to grow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No you're not a scumbag and you know it.

We ALL have our habits of thoughtlesness that we need to overcome in order to avoid being the source of our loved ones pain.

Don't feel bad. I was guilty of saying some things I shouldn't have about my X while we were still married and joining in the guy talk. I stopped doing that long before the divorce, but I was never forgiven for transgressions that happened years before.

Live and learn. Maybe we have something here. This looks like an indication of lack of respect. For WW's out there where does a lack of respect fall in respects to your A's?

<small>[ May 16, 2003, 09:39 AM: Message edited by: I Did it Again ]</small>

TMCM

Thanks. It just seems that whenever these "male issues" come up, I see all these "politically correct" touchy-feely euphemisms from the men as if they are tippy toeing around so as not to upset the ladies in the forum, so when I respond with unabashed and sometimes brutal honesty, I feel like I am a dirty little man-slut in the company of gentlemen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sometimes I feel as though I dare to speak what other men only think!

I am a multi-faceted personality. I can be very childish or very mature, very earthy or very spiritual. But no matter what I am at any given moment, I am me, nothing more nothing less, so take what you like and discard the rest. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

If you talk to other men about your spouse at say a bar with other guys, is it negative or positive? And do you share that same information with the wifey?/?. Otherwise, you know why do it?

When the spouse spent time at the bar after work I wondered what could possibly keep him so long? Later on I realized that it did not matter as much as the time shortchange for family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by I Did it Again:
[QB]d_rose:

I take it you realized what you had in your W and what you really aren't missing. I learned more about love in the time since my XW left than I had learned in my entire life before.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My A started about 6 months after I found out about OM#1 and OM#2. I knew what a wonderful woman she was but she would have nothing to do with me. It was all OM#2. She was in love with him and Doug was taking that away from her. She pulled away and I pursued her which just pushed her away farther.

The OW came in to my life as a friend, a sympathetic ear. she found me attractive and nice and it felt good. My lovely wife was staying, going, staying, going. No counseling, no plan, no affection, no conversation. My wife was staying because of our daughter. She said that she would never stop loving OM and that there was a good chance that she would never love me as a husband.

My A has been over since 21 december 02, I told her about it 02 APR 03. she moved out 21 Apr 03. She has been in contact with OM#2 throughout the last 10 months. I know she is still in contact with him but it doesnt hurt like it did before.

I have learned much about who and what i am and am looking forward to much more

The guy's a LOSER and your WW was foolish to hook up with a dude like that. Seems like she just might be getting her comeuppance for busting up your Marriage.
JMHO. Harold

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It just seems that whenever these "male issues" come up, I see all these "politically correct" touchy-feely euphemisms from the men as if they are tippy toeing around so as not to upset the ladies in the forum, so when I respond with unabashed and sometimes brutal honesty, I feel like I am a dirty little man-slut in the company of gentlemen.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're telling me? Hey I just escaped from a thread I started (Getting Divorced Checklist (For Men)) over at the Divorced/Divorcing board, that got turned into a flame war because one of the ladies took ofence to the link to a website I provided. Too bad there isn't a Graemlin depicting a crispy face because it would perfectly described my experience. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

TMCM:

Thanks for my laugh of the day! Now I have to look at your "naughty" thread! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
quote:
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It just seems that whenever these "male issues" come up, I see all these "politically correct" touchy-feely euphemisms from the men as if they are tippy toeing around so as not to upset the ladies in the forum, so when I respond with unabashed and sometimes brutal honesty, I feel like I am a dirty little man-slut in the company of gentlemen.
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You're telling me? Hey I just escaped from a thread I started (Getting Divorced Checklist (For Men)) over at the Divorced/Divorcing board, that got turned into a flame war because one of the ladies took ofence to the link to a website I provided. Too bad there isn't a Graemlin depicting a crispy face because it would perfectly described my experience.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

TMCM:

SWEET JESUS!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You weren't joking!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I almost replied to you in that thread but I didn't want it to rise back to the top again!

I'll say no more for fear of starting another flame war! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />