Men and women, please respond! I need your feedback!

If your spouse has a totally wonderful personality, is someone you LOVE to just hang out with, and you both just get along well and love doing the same things together, does the physical fulfillment just take care of itself? I mean, do you stop worrying or/and caring about certain defects in the physiqe of your spouse? I guess I'm more interested in the response of the MEN on this one, thanks.

<small>[ May 21, 2003, 07:07 PM: Message edited by: petermg ]</small>

Does she have a fetus growing on the side of her face? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The *MOST* important physical feature of a woman is her face. She's very pretty in the face. Her body is less than what I usually am attracted to. May very well be flat up top, yet has a little more on the back side that what I'd like. I am *SO* drawn to her personality however. I just didn't want to make a compromise that I'd later regret. Therefore I am asking for opinions.

I'm a woman, but...

good grief... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If this is a problem, how will you ever deal with the effects of ageing in a spouse?

Suz

Thanks Suz,
I'm wondering *IF* it will be a problem. Sorry if that was unclear by my original posting. With my STBXW physicality was a problem, but I wonder if it was only really a problem because of our lack of personal connection.

I know you asked for more men to respond but I have to jump in here. The external features are temporary because as she grows older, unless she can afford plastic surgery, the beauty will fade and the external attractive features will show their age. However that scintillating personality, and the fun person she is will still be there.
Wouldn't you rather have a woman with whom you can enjoy life and the goodness of life than a plastic doll who might only worry about her appearance 24/7.
On the other side, when a man asks that question, what makes him such a winner? Should a woman be asking if I find a man whose company I enjoy, who makes me feel wonderful and can provide for us and a family if we choose to have one, be preferred over and a super attractive, muscle bound man, who has nothing inside his head but concerns over how much he can bench press.
Finding a person who satisfies your needs in all ways is perfection, who is perfect? Are you?

Food for thought,

Texasgirl

Texasgirl,
thanks for your response. Women are not as stimulated and motivated by the visual in the same way and to the same degree as a man, therefore I am looking forward to more men commenting. I can just say that I've been moved with more feelings of love towards a women when I find her more physically attractive. With my STBXW for example, when she was working out and really got into shape, I was very motivated to shower my affections on her. Lust? Perhaps, but that's not wrong so long as it's your spouse. Lust is just desire, and sexual desire for your spouse is a MUST. Especially when it is fixed on your SPOUSE!!! It becomes a safegard! At the same time however, sex and sexual desire spend less time occupying a relationship than other things, like who both of you are together, your habits, your character traits, those things, those very important things. When all the excitment is not new anylonger, when the thrill of getting to know the other person has worn away, what is left is what is true.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does she have a fetus growing on the side of her face?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoa! It's conjoined fetus lady. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> WAY too much TV.

In a healthy relationship, features like that will fade to the background with time spent together.
Granted, if that's what you choose to focus on, that's what will matter to you.

I'd give it some time and see if your feelings change.

toomuchcoffeeman..

I am sending you the bill for the clean up of my computer...as I spewed my COFFEE (of all things) all over my monitor and keyboard...when I read you post..

ark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

petermg

I'm a man and I had my share of GF's prior to my ex-WW, and I can tell you that the best ones, for me, were the ones that other guys would consider 5 or 6's because even though initially I wasn't attracted to them physically, their femininity outclassed the two GF's that were 9 or 10, and eventually I felt much more attracted to them. I've talked to other male acquaintances and discovered that I'm not the only one who has experienced this.

My W might be considered a 6 or 7 in other guys lists, but I don't care because they can keep all the 10's in the world for all I care. To ME my W is the most feminine and lovely woman I've ever met in my life and I'm an exceedingly happy man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">toomuchcoffeeman..

I am sending you the bill for the clean up of my computer...as I spewed my COFFEE (of all things) all over my monitor and keyboard...when I read you post..

ark
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry about that ark^^ but as an unofficial clown of these boards, I felt it was my duty to shine a little humor on this subject, was in order.

BTW you are the second person that I unintentionally had stuff spew all over her computer. Last year another lady MBer, spew her Cheerios when she read a post of mine in which I said: "Who's been pissing on your Cheerios?". Maybe I should include a WARNING at the beginning of my posts to avoid having other folks suffer the same fate as you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 05:50 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

T00MuchCoffeeMan,
when you say your "ex-WW", is that by way of reformation of her character.. or divorce?

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: petermg ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by petermg:
<strong>T00MuchCoffeeMan,
when you say your "ex-WW", is that by way of reformation of her character.. or divorce?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Divorce.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> YEAH!!!!

So.. what rating would other men give your ex-WW then? (I am trying to draw a correlation here.)

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: petermg ]</small>

I'm with Peter on the face issue. And study after study supports the idea that men are generally more visually guided in all matters of perception, so yes, your impression of your spouse's appearance does matter. She has to be pretty to me. And just so the women on the forum don't jump to conclusions and tell us men what we must accept, let me say that I believe that if the other things are all in place, your W will still be beautiful to you as she ages. Beauty is subjective, after all. And even though, in some objective sense, we all will "lose" our looks and physique over time, the strength of your relationship will most likely cover up those blotches. Of course, the reverse is also probably true - if your relationship with your spouse is bad, you will tend to focus on the imperfections. My W's smile is the key to her beauty, and for me, the attraction will probably always remain as long as she smiles at me now and then.

Another thing that I've noticed is that Peter may have hinted at, for me it is not so much the actual appearance as my perception of how hard she works to keep herself fit. In other words, I'm actually more attracted to her when she is working out regularly, regardless of her actual weight. I don't know why that is, but for me it works.

3XL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by petermg:
<strong> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> YEAH!!!!

So.. what rating would other men give your ex-WW then? (I am trying to draw a correlation here.)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Presently I would say they would probably give her an 8 or 9 on the scale.

AH HA!!! I would have guessed. Thanks TOOMUCHCOFFEEMAN!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by petermg:
<strong>AH HA!!! I would have guessed. Thanks TOOMUCHCOFFEEMAN!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Please enlighten me why the AH HA!?

Many a sub-9 woman can raise themselves to be judged as higher on the scale if they flaunt what they have. Many 9 women are such due to their flaunting of themselves. There is a way to dress and advertise and there is a way to dress and keep secret what you have. From my avenue of life, most 9 women are flaunting what they have. Do you want a spouse that advertises? Not me.
Which leads to the next bold question/statement, who other than an adulteress would advertise, being married? Stay away from billboard women!!!!

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: petermg ]</small>

Jeez-o-Pete, what gives?

What's with this "sub-9" baloney? There's nothing a woman really loves more than being reduced to a number. Or a set of three numbers. What a lucky woman you have.

First her rump is too much for you to handle, and now you say you don't want her to be too pretty. At least, not out in public.

Oh, but you don't want to hear women's opinions on this neanderthalic rating system.

Let's hope for your sake she isn't as picky about personalities as you seem to be about butt sizes.

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: wiegee2 ]</small>