My WH and I have been married for 7 years and together for 12. We do not have any children together yet. We had not been able to get pregnant up until this past year. D-Day #1 for me was Nov 8,2001. I found out that my WH was having an EA/PA with OW. I was a workaholic and didnt pay much attention to my marriage or husband. My WH did not like that I did for my family whenever needed but would not put his feelings first. Since D-Day #1 many things have changed. I found out all in one day that WH was in love with OW planned on leaving me and OW was pregnant as well. I told WH that I would forgive him and work on us, I begged for another chance. I was in a very low spot at that time and not sure if mentally I have ever come out of it. I tried killing myself and now I know he may have stayed this long for that very reason, he was worried about me hurting myself. Needless to say after reading everything on this site, I followed NOTHING. I allowed OW to come to my home whenever she wanted since this was hard on her as well. You see I looked at it as he lied to her as well , she was hurting as well, and of course she took full advantage of it and came over whenever she felt necessary. All along my WH promised that he would not do anything with her anymore and I actually believed him. OW baby was born on Apr 19, 2002. I have come to love this child as I felt it was the right thing to do since WH was still in marriage and it was not the childs fault. Once OW had child I put my foot down and said no more , I decided no more coming over no more nothing, but never stood up strong enough to tell WH that I didnt want him seeing her at all. As soon as I would mention it WH would play the "you cant keep me from my child card" on me and I would give in.

D-Day #2 came on Sept 9,2002 , OW was pregnant again with WH 2nd child. When he found out he was angry since he thought she was on the pill. I was not exactly shocked or angry at WH or OW as much as I was mad at myself, you see this time I figured it was my fault, I allowed this. I told WH I wanted him to leave , the marriage was over, I couldnt do this anymore. WH and OW decided to have an abortion of 2nd child this happened same day 09-09-02. WH begged me not to leave him, begged for forgiveness, asked to marry me again, renew vows, everything you can imagine, everything I wanted to hear so I stayed. OW got her own apartment and WH started going over every morning before work for about 2.5 hours and played the "I need to see my child" card. Although he knew I disagreed he went either way with no regard for me. In November WH and I got into a huge arguement lots of LBing and he left. WH called me the next day and said he stayed at a guy friends apt and needed a few days to sort things out. He said he loved me dearly , missed me much and we would talk soon. He left the Sunday before Thanksgiving. While he was gone he came by to visit on that Monday and Tuesday as well as Wednesday. All these visits consisted of me crying and crying because I missed him so much following sex. On Wednesday he left and said everything would be ok. I stayed at SIL house because I needed to get out of our home, away from WH and my memories. Around 4 am that same morning I left SIL house got a wild hair up my a$$ and decided to go to OW apartment. When I pulled up, again I was not surprised to see WH truck parked outside. I sat there and wrote him a letter telling him I understood how he felt for OW and OC and that I would step back , I just wished he would be honest with me . I placed letter inside his truck and came home. This was Thanksgiving morning, I didnt plan on seeing him this day and was ready to move on or so I thought. Around noon WH called me crying from his truck, he had found the letter. He told me he had not been staying there the whole time, he had only gone that night that I found his truck there, he said he was confused, he didnt know what to do anymore , he didnt want to choose between his son and his wife he was confused. I told him to stay with his son , give OW a chance since he obviously loved her enough to continue affairs, I told WH I understood and I wanted him to be happy. I would be fine I just needed time away from him so that I can heal and maybe we could continue as friends. WH disagreed saying he didnt love OW enough to be in a relationship with her he only loved her as mother of his child, he said he loved me , I am his wife. WH came home the saturday after thankgiving and told me he would not stop seeing his child and that was the only way he would come home. He said he missed me and loved me and came home. Of course he didnt stop. Well god blessed me in December with our 1st child. In so many years that we had tried for children we were finally blessed with one of our own. My WH was nowhere near as happy as I was to be having a child. He did say he was happy but it just didnt seem real to him not just yet. I celebrated the New Year with the news that I was having a baby. Starting in January WH started making comments during arguements that he cannot imagine being with one child and not the other, he didnt want to be commited to one person. My response was, fine, leave then, I understand. WH is still here he says he isnt doing anything w OW as for her, she is insane, she has come over banging on doors windows anything and I have called the police on her twice, she beats him up, he lets her. Mentally I know what is best for me, Emotionally I have not let go. I tell my WH everyday he can leave, I understand, but he hasnt , now he feels guilty for leaving me while pregnant. Now all this will affect my unborn child. I have lurked alot in the last year and a half and now am looking for support. I can honestly say my self esteem is down in the dumps , if I even have any left. I dont care about my marriage anymore and like I said mentally I have accepted I am better off without this person in my life. Emotionally, I feel I cannot live without him. My OB has put me on Zoloft so I am hoping that helps with the emotions. I am just waiting for the day to come, and although I will cry , I will not beg , and I will not ask him for one more chance. I accepted the blame for the affair, I bent over backwards to make this work, and he had his cake and I feel continues to eat it too. So now I am here and needing some support now more than ever. My plan is that when he leaves I will automatically go to Plan B. no contact, at all. Once baby is here we will decide from that point about visitation, but I need my time to get past all this and he needs to realize what life is really like without me by his side. Plan B coming anyday as I have turned into the supportive spouse telling him to do what is best for him, and I will understand. But will I? I hope so.

As for my new Baby Boy, I am now 6.5 months pregnant and he is growing perfect. Ironically I am due 09/09/03 a year from the date of OW abortion. He moves awhole lot and he makes me happy to no end.

Thanks for listening. and hope to hear from you all soon.

Jessica

Jessica,

Welcome to MB. I am sorry to hear of your situation and want to encourage you to put your safety, health and welfare for you and your child 1st.

R U sure OW's child belongs to your H? Has a DNA test been done to confirm that? OW sounds a bit looney so please be careful.

Your H is in NO position to be making demands of you. His coming home is not with him making the rules, it is with your permission. So you must learn what your boundaries are and stick to it.

You enabled the A and caused yourself more grief by allowing contact with the OW. OW will continue to take advantage of you even if you are with child..... so be careful. OW may also try to push 1st born rights so check out your inheritance laws. All the more reason to get confirmation and not just go on a verbal acknowledgement.

Do you have a MC or IC? Can you do some phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer here at MB? Also, please read the book surviving an affair and Givers/Takers.

There is another site here: Preg/Child where they help you deal with an OC (other child). You can ask medical and legal questions (people will give their opinion - please remember we do not claim to be professionals in this field just have 1st hand experience - YUCK!).

take care and let us know how you are doing.

L.

.

Jessica????

Please let us know how you are doing?

L.

Thanks Orchid for being concerned with me. I am doing well so far. A paternity test was done prior to the OC being born and my WH is 99.97 % biological father, so that is definate. I have been through so many damn loops as on a rollercoaster that I dont seem to get as angry as I used to. I read on another post the other day that BS get to a point where all can be going well and we just cant believe it and wait for the Sh** to hit the fan. My WH is still "on the fence" so to speak. He is still home and not sure when or if he will be leaving. I tell him I understand him wanting to be alone and not in a relationship, I tell him I love him enough to want to see him happy and I am being sincere. After all that this man has put me through I seem to love him more and more especially now with this child growing inside me. I am at a point where I am tired of the games, the "what ifs", the "if I leave's" the "when I leave's", I just want it to happen so we can move on. This man has hurt me in so many ways that I dont believe him , trust him or believe he could ever change. Today I told him the way he could do right by me is the next time he is in a serious relationship for him to not be secretive, to be honest, to be truthful and not ever hurt anyone the same way again. Even if this may well be with someone else he could do right by me in that way. This man has been my best friend, husband, lover and worst enemy, but I am learning to love me . I am Plan A'ing until he leaves and then I will be doing Plan B because he will never know what life is like without me if he can come over or talk to me whenever he wants and I know its a chance I am taking, but Its a chance I have to take, I have to know if he comes back its because he loves me not because I am crying , begging and pleading for him not to leave. So I am here looking for support, not sure how it will all turn out, but it has been a long 1 1/2 years and he still seems to be stuck and I still seem to be standing by him. In all this the best thing I could do is to learn how to love me, pick myself up, dust myself off and take life one day at a time.

Jessica,

U R a strong person of character. This is good. Take care of yourself and your little one.

You have been @ MB for a while. What have you read from here?

Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

Well things dont seem to be getting any better. My WH hasnt changed much at all, I am plan A'ing the best I can. I feel as if he is having some kind of affair with someone, maybe OW maybe someone else. For the last 6 months he has been going out everyweekend, at first it was every other weekend, now its every weekend, When I tell him how I feel about this his response is "he is tired and he works all week so he deserves to go out" " I tell him I dont want him to go out every weekend, he says to bad" so now he pretty much just doesnt care about how I feel, now for the times he does come home, although he is only going on either a friday or saturday he used to come home by 2:30 after the club well these past 2 weekends, 5:15 am and 4:30 am, and then he has the audacity to walk in with sleep lines on his face and I ask him where was he , where did he fall asleep and he said he didnt. I am so frustrated, I dont feel like there is anything I can do anymore, I have shown this man he can walk all over me and all I do is deal with whatever sh*t he gives me because I have this fear of being alone, I do love him very much - I want him to be honest with me, the funny thing is if he told me there was someone else I would probably deal with matters alot easier-even though every part of me tells me he is messing around, I want to hear it from him since normally I dismiss it as its just me being paranoid. All the signs are there, locked cell phone, messages from other women, going out and coming home well after the club closes, pushing me away if I try to be intimate, granted he is all for the quickie but not anything more than that. All the signs are there, I just dont know what to do anymore, do I tell him to leave because I cant deal with him anymore, why am I so afraid to be alone, I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy and instead of preparing for my son, I am trying to hold my marriage together. He doesnt want to stay anymore, he is staying till the baby is born but then he is not sure if he will leave , he says he loves me - I know he is not in love with me.. I am at a loss, I dont know what to do, I cant deal anymore, somone PLEASE HELP ME and please do not sugarcoat anything... PLEASE