Gazz, so I take it she has filed for divorce? I am sure sorry that it has come to this. I wish there was something I could tell you to make the pain go away, but theres not. Only time heals the pain and it won't always be like this. Hopefully, there is some light at the end of tunnel for you. Take care!

No Melody, she hasn't. She thought evrything would be agreed on before she filed. I also think that she lacks the funds to retain a lawyer so it will be left up to me to file.

GAzz, so what papers is your lawyer filing? Are you filing for divorce?

Yes Melody, my lawyer is drawing up papers for me to file as she didn't. She probably won't agree to what I am offering, but yes I am filing.

It's been a while since I have posted, how is everyone? It seems my wife did file for divorce, my lawyer just couldn't find any records untill he went to file for me. I have to admit I sometimes wonder about my lawyer, he came recommended to me but he also is a little old and has taken some actions that have me wondering. 1st he or his secretary sent me a copy of a letter he wrote that was meant for another client with the same surname, it took him over a month to find that my wife had filed, and now he sent me a letter yesterday telling me that he is trying to set up mediation for me. He dictated a letter a couple of weeks ago outlining what I would offer to my wife and mentioned mediation as a possible avenue, but I have no idea what responce my wife had to my offer or even if she is aware of the offer and now he is trying to set up mediation. My wife I know origionally wanted $21,000 from the house and I offered her $7,000.

I bought this house 2 1/2 yrs before I married my wife and considering the fragile reasons for her wanting a divorce I feel $7,000 is being more than generous as she has contributed not one piece of furniture to this home. Infact she would hardly lift a finger to keep up the house. My wife agreed to pay on a credit card that she mostly racked up and because she wanted seperate accounts I took her name of mine which the credit card was under and now she has refused to pay on it even though she took cash advances to help with her legal costs. Now I have to pay it and it gauls me to pay for her some of her fees. The flipside to this is this computer is in her name and I am unwilling to pay on it, but this computer is less than half of the card. This may be a little petty but I am taking on 90% of the bills alone.
I told my lawyer that I would not budge on my offer and so I am confused as to mediation. I called him yesterday but had to leave a message. I have no plans to offer my wife anymore than origionally, any suggestions I would be grateful.

I hate this!

Gazz12 you may want to consider getting a second divorce attorney's opinion as to the settlement, just to see if your offer is realistic enough to pass legal muster.

Thanks TooMCM, I may approach another lawyer to see if I can forge a better settlement.

I read a fair amount of the postings on this board and it's amazing how many of you face the same anguish and also deal with the same despair as I do. Too this day I fight with myself on what is the right path to choose, also the least damaging emotionally.My wife has been married 5 times and perhaps I should have known better than to chance my life with her but I did. I search myself to see if I can answer how I feel about her and whether I can live with what she has done. The truth is I really have no idea if I can answer either question. Do I love her? or is my ego so bruised that I mistake it for love? I do know that when I married her I did do it for better or for worse. I was married once before, and then I fought for my marriage but to no avail. I now find myself in a place I desperately wanted to avoid being in again. But against my wishes here I am again.

Star! You said earlier that my wife has no idea how to make an interpersonal relationship work, and by heavens I think you're right, but also I invested my life with her and am now left wanting for any answers to the posistion I find myself in. Yes I can justify going through with this divorce on moral grounds but that alone leaves an empty feeling and no sence of victory. I am 42 yrs old and feel no closer to being able to master relationships than I did 20 yrs ago. I failed in my ability to guide this women from every stand. I didn't try to guide her I just let her come up with her own conclusions regardless of their right or wrong, and that lazy attitude has landed me on a road with no destination. Am I always right? No! But I do know that she needed some guidence that I should have provided and didn't. I am not trying to defend her as you can't defend the path she has chosen, but I am left feeling that I contributed to her skewed view of relationships. GOD only knows what I am trying to say as I'm not sure what I am saying. Maybe that I am not innocent.

Star, or anyone I could use a little advice.

At the advice of my lawyer I approached my wife to see if she would be willing to sit down with me and discuss how we could end this as soon as possible. She later phoned me at home and left a message saying that if I could not agree on the $20,000 she is asking for we had nothing to talk about. A little while later I phoned her back and she more a less said the same thing, I told her that I would rather talk face to face than over the phone. Unfortunately she wanted to talk right then and it wasn't long before she was bringing up the past, this was something I really didn't want to talk about but she wanted to know why I was willing to see her when in a letter I left in her car I told her that if I never saw her again it would be too soon!
I explained to her what I saw that night and to try and put herself in my shoes, my wife getting intimate with another man was a little more than I could bear. She told me I was spying on her on which I agreed but I replied you are my wife. Then she brings up an incident that happened 8 1/2 yrs ago of which she could not remember what it was all about, just that I was out of line. I really have no idea where she was going or why, in the end I told her if she really does not want to meet then I won't push it. She eventually agreed to meet me on tuesday and I could use a little advice on how to possibly get her to accept less in the settlement. I told her that if she wins the 20,000 I will have to sell the house and also it is unlikely that she would end up with what she wants. I plan on being as civil and cool as I can, I'm just unsure of how to direct this meeting. Any help I would be grateful.

Hey Gazz,

Haven't been on board much these days....so sorry I missed this for a while. I am sure that there are things about you that contributed to the demise of this relationship, for instance...I find an element of "control" suggested in some of your heavy handedness about the way you approach things. In spite of that...your wife reacted to this in the most negative and destructive way possible.

As far as the convo on tues. I would say keep it about radical honesty....and not intimidating or threatening. If she won't agree to come down on the settlement.....perhaps you can work out an agreement for paying half now and then installments so you don't lose the house. Think as logically as possible....and make this a business as a opposed to emotional convo.

Glad you checked in. If you ever need me....you can always email starfish4729@hotmail.com

Well it's been a while since I've posted and I wonder how many remember this. A few things have happened since I last posted, and all has led to this marriage ending. Mediation has sorted out the financial terms and my wife has agreed to them. I can walk away from this chapter in my life knowing I tried. I have regrets but that is a tale that I cannot change or would. My wife has and no doubt will choose the wrong path. On the other hand I have no regrets anymore. I have been able to put her behind me and am now looking to the future. Unless I miss my guess another month or so will see an end to this nightmare. I wish to thank all who contributed to my posts. (esp Star! Remember me?) Thank you so much for a place to talk when I needed it.

Howdy Gazz! I am sorry it didn't work out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />