My question is, how do I get past the dependence I have on OW and the dependence she has on me?
You can't be that dense.

You're not even trying to stay away from her, let alone have no contact.

here's the thing blah...

you are on a Marriagebuilding site...

you are like someone going to an AA meeting spending a half hour telling a story about how good the bottle of merlot tasted...what full body it had...what aroma, what perfect fusion of taste and sensation...

and every one listening to you...can only shake their heads in dismay...as you go on with these details that have nothing to do with the real issue at hand...the real issue being that everyone listening to your story about the bottle of merlot and how good it tasted...knows that it was being drank at 7:00 in the morning...because you had the shakes so bad...and couldn't get off the bathroom floor to clean yourself off from having pissed on yourself the night before...

and all you can say..it how good it tasted...

we know you are hurting..we know you are hurting others...we know you want to run and make it go away...

but everywhere you go...ther YOU are...

get it...blah..we want to believe you....we want to help you...YOU... YOU!!

but you don't want us to...you want to post superficial stuff and run and duck...
you run place to place seeking advice that you won't stop long enough to listen...

I assure YOU we are listening...
GET REAL and then you can get to fixing things...

ARK

I see dead people <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

~~~~~ Just had to say that! This thread has me in a macabre mood.

Pepper:

I'll one-up ya...

There's a great cartoon printed somewhere...

"I see s2pid people. Only they don't know they're s2pid."

Not that I'm saying that people on this thread are s2pid. But there are times when we all behave that way.

"S2pid is as s2pid does" - Forest Gump.

"I used 2 know what a cubit was". 'God', in Bill Cosby's "Noah."

I'm gone now.
-ol' 2long.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I see dead people <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pepper,

{{whisper}} Make them go away. {{whisper}}

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ June 02, 2003, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Right on Ark, my H lied to me one night that he was going to AA instead he left w/ his cell and came home crying,it was last week, I confronted H and admitted he contacted OW after broken up for 3 nights, OW was in a bar,hung up on him,OW is good at making H feel insecure or jealous,OW would say things like she was at party,bar or hotel with friends etc,H would think OW was with OM, and as a matter of fact,OW had slept with OM during H's absence,H took it because H said OW was being honest, OW was being manipulative,the 4'10" troll she is. I don't know what to do with H, I am worried about his insanity,I am worried he is giving up school over OW,OW knows exactly how to hold her card,boy,my H is just more naive than I could ever imagined. Hopeless. I do love him, but I feel as if he is not worthy of my loyalty and true love, after all. He isn't trying to get out, he wants to taste this rotten apple until the day before school starts, another 11 days..H's mom said it is a re-run of his last year giving up on school in LA, now a better grad school and yet he is not working hard to prepare and occupy on his academic goal, he worked very hard on, H used to think OW encouraged him in his career which I did not, he tried PT school for the past 4 years,I had been with him,never given up on him even when he gave up on himself, yet H gave OW credit and now, OW is not showing any sympathy of H's screwed mind but to deepen his already mess-up state of mind, I do not call that love but to MANIPULATE and power on a weak person that hs problems, H is a good man with a very special needs, H ran to OW for emotional needs/support he claimed I could not offer, last night H said to me that OW is not giving him the emotional support that he can get from me, how ironic?H continues to lie to me, H would only say the truth when I confronted him, I am not stupid and I have something calls the woman's intuition, OW is just using H, now OW uses her children on H, OW used to say the reason OW was not able to show H where she lives and her children was because H is still a married man with an unstable mind, but now, within a week, OW showed H all OW refused to show for the past 1.5 year....still H believes it was because H lied about our divorce being filed...but no, all along, OW just does not want him, but to enjoy his sexy body and a mind of a boy that easily fed with her sweet promises, OW is indeed a saleswoman that sells insurance,cheapo mutual fund, cell phone..with a house she gained from her divorce, OW made H paid for hotels like Hyatt etc, H was very good at saving money,now H is good at spending money he is not having anymore,H is spending savings now...
My heart goes out to him,please help me God.

By the way I wonder why my H keeps going on MB to seek advice but continue running to OW for his so-called "needs", sex it is. ~I had an issue on sex hence it became our problem, I was sexually and physically abused(brutally...it was my years long night mare) by my XH of 3 months 15 years ago, I had trouble overcoming my fear at some point...~ now I see A as our wake up call and willing to reconcile and work hard on any part that I did do well as a W. I told my H that he should have gone to Affairsupporters.com if there is such site. I had told H that he would not get any support to hear things like yes, go for OW, dump your W...how can anyone help him when he does not really want to be helped? I had tried, but he entertained me by nodding & never really wanted to come out from lying and cheating, I understand H keeps running to OW because they are the same liar and cheater, I remain loyal. But my time is UP. I am really tired esp. now OW showed my H her house and the children OW tried to hide for so long, H probably feels that is hope in that A that he thinks he wants to make it work, as living proof to anti MB??? Perhaps.How could I even love him still?

I just wanted to share what was on my mind, right now.

I sometimes get thinking about when am old. What will I have to look back at???? Will I be prowd of myself and will I have things that I will deeply regret and wish that I had taken a different path.

So far, so good. I will be prowd of myself and I have "Nothing"" that I regret. (well almost)

I will be able to tell my "Grandchildren" that I made the right decisions and even when I made mistakes, I did my best to correct them.

I will be able to "admit" my mistakes and even then I will be able to look at myself in the mirror.

But when I think of situations like the one in this thread, I feel so deeply sorry for the involved ones.
Gosh, what will "blah" have to say??? What will he say to himself????
It's so sad to have to look at situations like this and to see how a single person can make such terrible decisions.

Decisions that they will "regret" a lifetime. Just because they want the "moments" and they want what they want, no matter what pain is being caused.

Is this truely what life and love is about??? I don't believe so.

I think life has deeper values and they can be combinated and if both spouses are "willing" to give their best they can both become happy.

If people in this situation would become aware that they just might need time on their own, without any OW or OM, they'd have the chance to "get their heads outta their $utt" and start thinking clearly without the "Hormones" involved.

blah, I just really hope for you that you wake up.
I hope that you don't end up to be an old man that will look back at his life and feel lonesome and sad.
I hope you will be able to look at yourself and say: Yes I made a mistake, I hurt many people and yet I corrected my actions and went the "right way".
I began to think and I began to "Question" others in my life. I didn't just believe what some OW told me.

blah, do you really want to wait until you are old until you see how valuable "Loyalty & Honestly" is???
"Lust" is something that comes and goes, sometimes more, sometimes less but is this what your "life" is all about???

blah, are you aware that your mind is "shut off" and your "Hormones" are on the go right now????
I'm serious!!!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

When this phase is over, you're going to feel like a "Fool".

The best cure for you would to have a talk with
"OW XH", I'm sure this would be quit awaking for you right now and you might be able to see her with other eyes!!!!!!!

bb

PS: Remember one thing, "Women" can be dangerous and mostly "Saleswomen". They know exactly what they are doing!!!!!! You will never have a chance and when you come to realize this, you've "LOST" everything that really counts in life!!!!!! or do you really want to "try this out?" and see if I'm wrong!!!! Hey, I'm a woman!!!!!!!!!

Blah
you are committing adultry
you are a whoremonger that is what the priest will tell you.

The ow is an adultress and she is a whore.
you need to repent...that means stop..to turn around and run get out of there now.

you are on your way to hell..
the bible talks about women like her and the path that leads to her house leads to hell..
I think you better wake up and put your lust aside.
your lust for sex money and material things and go back to your wife.
IF she will have you. because according to the bible she does NOT have to take you back.

I cannot you have been asking for help and continue to live in sin.

I am tired of pussyfooting around blah.
you have to decide one way or another.

also you need to decide "Heaven or hell"
your choice. your decision..REPENT turn around
walk to the arms of God..confess your sin to him..sins..HE will forgive you, make things right with your wife.

If we confess our sins HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness!" 1 John1:9

You are going to end up in hell if you don't get your act together.
also what kind of example did you set for her children sleeping in her house?

Please turn your life around, you will have peace.
Be a real man..Why don't you go to promise keepers and keep the vows you made to your wife.
they will keep you accountable unless you want to continue on a downward spiral.

I sure hope you have been using protection as if she is sleeping with others I can only imagine you might end up with a disease now or later. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Ok thats all I have to say. I think it is so sad.
God help you both to do the right thing.
EarthAngel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />