Hey Orchid, thanks for the support. Yes, I am the strong(er)one here, sometimes I feel like I am carrying a baby on my back, esp. now. I am not desperate anymore, I am tired. I feel sorry to see Blah being so weak and so naive to believe there IS love with OW, OW is indeed a very tricky and cunning you-know-what. I have many good friends that love me and I live a healthy life and have a great job that I love, everything else is going great in my life EXCEPT my M. Yes Lehua is Hawaiian, it is indeed the state flower of Hawai'i,my Hawaiian name is indeed Lehualani(heavenly Lehua) I am a Hawaiian in heart, I dance hula and I learn the language...I used to have beautiful long hair that was how H got attracted to me the first time he met me, I cut off my long hair in Dec and I quit dancing( very frustrating, he used the time I went for class to see OW..this was before I found out, when I found out, I could not believe he has an A for 1/2 year, he was always home, he did not have a cell phone then, house phone rang and hung up many times when I answered, never suspected, one time I walked pass H in the hall way and saw him on the internet IM to someone with his picture attached, I wondered, I had always trusted him, too much, I am afraid...he lied when we checked out of the hotel in HK, there was a phone number with a different area code, OW lives across the bay, I asked him where did he call, he said home to retrieve messages, wanted to see if there was news about grad.school...how could our home# showed a different area code, I began to confront him, he kept quiet throughout the whole flight home. I was having jetlag and slept for a few hours after landing,H was out and about to meet with OW, I suspected because H was the worst liar,(he was never like that, he was very honest and trustworthy, the present H is just so addicted to all he's STILL doing)H bought some kitty keychain in HK and told me that was for his lady boss, I believed H then, when I woke up from my sleep that night(our anniversary)somehow my instint told me that something was wrong, I started to unpack and could not find the key ring that H had me paid for...H denied and said I probably misplaced it, you know Orchid, I have excellent memory though I experienced jetlag...I couldn't sleep the whole night, got up, started to send H an email, H woke up...finally admitted after 4,5 hours talk....how cruel..now, I am fine. I could only forgive him these many times and I am all worn out. I only fear that this OW will destroy him all at once, OW uses beautiful words like H is the most handsome man,worships his body etc,H felt like I didn't express to him this way, I just did not do it on daily basis,of course OW can do that each time they met and had sex, no responsibilities and commitment, just hit adn run, why not when OW's needs are fulfilled,OW is too ugly for my H, I must say.(not even attractive, with flaws all over her body,even H told me once that OW has a body that is 10 years older than me, when OW is 1 year my junior) it is OW's saleswoman's talk that H is indeed absorbing, that is sad, of course beauty is skin deep, how could you find any beauty in a husband's snatcher, oh yes OW said H can't move in with OW because OW has two adolescent daughters, that enable a bad example and value to the kids, to live together before marriage...ridiculous isn't it? And H buys it just like that, I am ashamed how naive my H IS! Like a 17 year-old boy with a well built body.
OW is wicked and fake. You can tell I am very tired. Today H tried to make amends, but I am not just going to take him and move right back in, he needs to get pass and grow, I can only help as much as he is willing to be helped. H showed by filing a Request for Dismissal over the Dissoluition of Marriage this morning, following with the NC, if and when he will really do it...if he continued to be wishy washy I will end up to be the one that will be ending the M once and for all. H is a good mess-up man. I still love him, will he let me in? That is his choice.
Thanks.
