I'm just trying to figure out how long a one-sided EA can go on. I suppose you could call it a fantasy and if it hadn't gone to a PA at one time I probably could just grin and bear it. But W's continuing fantasy about OM is wearing me down. She continues to see OM in group setting once a week (bar league). I have never confronted OM for a lot of reasons and actually have shred of respect for him because I know he nipped this in the bud. He is 11 yrs younger than W (42) and has no interest. But her admiration and affection for this bum is wearing me down. I say bum because of his bragging of sleeping with 10 married woman. He is single.

When we have drinks together (her and I) she will mention how he is really a nice guy etc. etc. The recent comments are downgraded from previous comments like "cutie petootee", "most beautiful blue eyes", "friendship is spiritual". So I suppose you could say the FOG is lifting somewhat it is painfully slow. The ONS was almost 18 mos. ago. Obviously I have made some mistakes to allow 18 mos. to go by like this. My question is can this go on indefinitely? What can I do to speed this up without bringing the house down?

I am just curious but I wonder how long your wife would have put up with this if the roles had been reversed. How long she would accept listening to you telling her how great the OW was and how you had one nigh stand with this woman and that you still like playing baseball with her. I bet your wife would be very patient and accepting of all this? She cheats on you and continues to tell you how great this guy is? My friend she is still disrespecting you and your marriage. I guess there are no consequences to her actions or disrespect. It certainly does not sound like she is remorseful in the least. How can you put up with this?

"The ONS was almost 18 mos. ago. Obviously I have made some mistakes to allow 18 mos. to go by like this. My question is can this go on indefinitely? What can I do to speed this up without bringing the house down?"

Yes it can go on indefinitely if you do and say nothing. What this situation needs is the truth and some marriage counselling.

Bryanp, I wholeheartedly agree with most of your comments. I would disagree to some extent about the comment of no consequences. I think we both would agree that the burden of a WS may be in the same league as that of a BS. At least I see that from the few posters that come here. My wife is certainly not oblivious to my feelings, though you're right in that it obviously hasn't been enough motivation to change things. I have to step up my effort/pressure or nothing is going to change.

Tomaz, agree that counseling may be in order. Right now she's in IC as the suggestion of her MD which is encouraging. I am hoping she confides the affair here so that the IC can give her some independent input into how devastating this is to me. Hanging in there.

Walkin