This one's about finances, but more importantly the timing of approaching her about it, and how.
The issue of finances is this:
I'm not interested in financing her dating anymore; their hotels, gas, trips to far off cities, amusement parks, countless other recreational activities, clubbing etc etc that has been going on since I got here. She blew our budget on this stuff already. Our savings is in sad shape as a result.
I want to remind her of her decision to separate our finances and to lay out the plan I would like implimented for mine so that I don't get scr*wed when I get back from war and she leaves me (IF she leaves me, with any luck and Plan A).
The timing dilemma:
My command is making that call TONIGHT about making OM disapear. I figured if I shoot off an email about separating finances now in conjunction with a barage of questions from her command, or barring that, at least the OM leaving and her alternate life being upheaved, it may make her case against me (forcing the breakup) that much more credible.
As I've said, this is outta my hands with regard to my command and I don't want to be pinned with it.
Should I wait awhile to send the proposed financial arrangement?
How should I put it? I haven't thought of any GOOD way to say, I'm not paying for your affair.
Also, she controls all the finances right now and if she wanted to f*** me she could, bad. I trusted her enough when I left to leave her an unlimited PofA and therefore access to everything in my name.
Maybe I should just ask her what her plans are for me financially.
I don't know, any suggestions?
This is a delicate time, any wrong steps and.....
I don't think she would try to screw me financially but then again, I didn't think she would cheat on me either. Wait a minute, she IS screwing me financially. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
That's why I'm here, AGAIN, bugging you guys AGAIN. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
One of the only consistant things in my life is that when things happen they always happen QUICKLY and in GROUPS. Like this.

In the meantime, I've figured out a compromise on the career issue.
I'm putting in an AGR packet that would enable me to stay in MN and continue full time army while I try to figure out if there is any hope for our M. If it doesn't work out, off to SF I go. This way, I don't have to move, if she stays in the house I can be there to make LB$ and if she moves to SD it's still within reach. The alternative was, of course, just going SF and see if she waits for me for 2 years. YEAH, RIGHT!

Your concern is a valid one and I would ask you to consider telling her that because you two are separated, and with no idea if this separation is a temporary one or permanent one, that you beleive that it is best to separate your finances as well for each others sake. If you can take unilateral action to do the separation of finances, then I suggest you do it ASAP especially, as you said, you may be called to go off to another hot spot in such short notice. Remember that you are only out to protect yourself from being screwed once more by her reckless and selfish behavior, NOT to screw her back.

Hey DW,

I know you didn't ask for my help, but since I have also been in this situation...meaning military and dealing with a WS from a great distance...I thought I would give you my take on things.

It is possible for you to have the power of attorney changed. My exh did that to me without me even knowing. I was in charge of all the finances, etc while he was in Korea, so after he told me about his affair he was worried I would blow all of "his" money...although I am not that kind of person or that immoral!

I know that you are worried that making such a significant change would interfere with recovery. But, remember this, she is in a friggin fog...I would be worried about what she might do...like not paying certain bills, taking the money and running (I hope not) and other crap that WS do when they are pissed...esp after the OM gets the boot from you guys' base.

Maybe you could just phrase it like this..."I know you are having a tough time right now, and I thought that since you are handling x,y and z, I could just take that over while I am over here and that would take some of the pressure off of you" This way you aren't telling her you are taking over the POA because you suspect she is misusing the finances for her affair. You also relieve her of extra stress that might help her to sort out things more quickly.

Is she taking care of the bills while you are away? Would it be possible for you to handle them for the rest of your tour? Maybe a friend or family member can help you with setting up paying them from your current location?? Just my 2cents

Hope it helps a little. I will be praying for you and wishing the best for your marriage.

truth