Well since all this has happened my WS had been trying to convince me that he was not up to anything there was noone else. But his behavior every weekend of having to go out and all the secrecy brought me back to snooping. I checked his cell phone last night and heard 2 messages from a girl named April, she is 22, sounds like a kid. Anyway, on the first message she was asking him to call her, on the second message she said "If by some chance you get this message before you go home, I think you should stop by" So I thought for a second and decided I would not tell him I listened to his message , I wanted to know if he would lie, and of course he did, he denied talking to anybody he denied knowing APRIL, he denied everything. In one of my previous posts I shared that WS wanted to seperate to think out his issues and be alone, well I am guilty of allowing him to stay because I knew he really wouldnt leave. Well after I heard the messages and he lied, I told him it was better that we got this out of the way now, I told him to leave today -- and he said OK, that was it just OK. He doesnt cry at all anymore , he doesnt show emotion and it seems as if it doesnt bother him to go. and it may not. I of course cried , I told him I loved him, I held him. It was like a final Good-bye. He went to bed emotionless, did not get near me at all. He woke up got dressed and went to work. I cried again. My baby gets restless when I cry he moves and moves and moves for hours until I calm down. WS called me from work once to see "how I was doing" I told him honestly I am not doing to well. He called later to tell me he talked to his sister and asked if I would be here tonight when he gets his stuff, at first I told him no, I would drive around for a few hours so he could get what he needs and leave. He called once more to ask about money how we would divide the finances, by this point I told him to take whatever he felt he needed from the account and not call me because this was not as easy for me as it is him.

There is part of me that is so angry because I told him to leave, I know he would not have left, but that message along with OW/OC/OC#2 (aborted) 1 1/2 years of lies and being a GIVEN to him for so long helped me to say no , Jessica deserves better. It is hard, It will be hard, and it may well get harder. I have not told my family yet but I will soon. I decided to be here tonight when he comes to take his clothing, I called him back and told him the amount of money he could get out, I was calm, no crying, and I will try really hard not to cry tonight while he is here. I wonder is it healthy to cry and get it all out , does it eventually slow down, does the hurt subsude a bit, I have this unborn child in me who is feeling my every emotion and that makes me feel worse, I just want to move on, I want him to hurt , I want him to know I am no longer a GIVEN in his life. I dont know what will happen, I just know I am tired.

Please offer any words on what to expect next, this is my first attempt at standing up for myself and I do not want to fail.

Jessica,
My heart really goes out to you. My situation is less complex, so really I can't offer much by way of specific advice on how to get through this, other than to say you must focus on what you (and baby) want and need.

You (and your baby) deserve to be loved exclusively by someone who respects your feelings, won't hurt you and will care for you and protect you. I think you already have understood this. Remind yourself of this if you feel your resolve weakening in Plan B.

As for what to expect in PlanB, well I am relatively new to Plan B. Wiser MBs said to expect my resolve to be tested up to 10 times. Already it has been tested 2x since Plan B letter was sent. I failed the second test, and am now regretting my decision to communicate with him. Be strong. If your H contacts you, remember the conditions/boundaries you have set, and if these haven't been met (importantly - no contact with OW!!) then don't back down. Otherwise you will undermine yourself and he will think that you really don't mean Plan B.

Have you thought about how you will handle Plan B conditions once the baby is born? Maybe you could post a specific question here for some suggestions.

My best wishes. Take care.

Claire <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

jessica,

Did you do a Plan A first? Sounds like you just found out and have already jumped to B??

Jessica:

I agree with Starfish. According to MB principles, it is important to do PLAN A first in order for PLAN B to be effective. Step back a bit, go slowly and do a PLAN A.

Read up on PLAN A and try to find WAT'S GUIDELINES on this site.

Take Care.

Starfish and Mimi I have plan A's/ WS refused NC has seen the OW for childs sake according to them , that is how she ended up PG with OC#2 and she aborted the OC#2. This was back in Sept I have stood by all his decisions and unfortunatly accepted things the way they were not to make life easier for him but instead because I feel as if I cannot live without him in my life, you know I have a fear of being alone, No WS in my life. I am sure life would probably be easier without all the drama, especially while I am pregnant. I am at a point where I dont want this anymore, I dont like the way he makes me feel, I love him dearly but he is more concerned with himself, he says now he hasnt lived as he would like to , he wants to be single, he feels as if he is missing out on something, and to top it off he is going out everyweekend and every weekend he stays out a little later, he says with friends, I of course think otherwise. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I know this is an unhealthy situation for me and my baby to be in, I just cant seem to get past being alone and without him. I asked him to leave, I told him to have his space to figure out what he wants in life, he says he will leave once the baby is born. My biggest frustration is not knowing when , or if since somedays he cant stand to be here and somedays he is madly in love and doesnt think he will leave. I dont have any support with family or friends Its just me and I am looking for support here, I still have faith and hope above all , I pray for God to soften WS heart , I pray for OW to move on with her life, and most of all I pray for God to help me be strong for whatever comes my way. I dont want to lose my H but lately I feel as if he has been gone for a year and a half. If I could figure out how to post my original story as a link I would to help you all understand. Please offer support/2x4/ anything. Been plan A'ing for 18 months, ready for plan B. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

jessica,

Yes my dear....I would say it does sound like time for Plan B. H has been cake eating long enough and you can use some peace and less drama during your pregnancy. Have you written a Plan B letter....you should post it and have it editted here. I can probably look up your original story and put a link for you if you would like? Do you remember the name of it? Remember that the most important thing about Plan is NO CONTACT....that means at all....so have all your ducks in a row....as much as possible so you are ready. Talk to the pastor of your church and get help from them if you have no family. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you....but remember you are not alone. (((((((jessica))))))))

jessica..... here's your original story so folks can read up and help.

Jessica, I have to agree with the others, hon, the time for Plan A is long past and it is time for Plan B. You have essentially been doing a Plan A for almost 2 years - to NO avail. Your H is not doing all this because of any unmet needs in your marriage, but because this is a way of life with him. I am shocked at what you lived through so much and strongly feel like you need to protect yourself from this continuing destructive behavior.

Plan B is not an easy move by any stretch, but it is much easier than the alternative. We have many members here who are in Plan B and there would be great support for you.