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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 97
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 97 |
I'm into a week of Plan B no contact with WW. Next week we've been invited to an inlaws (hers) 80th birthday party. If I'm going to hold to my no contact standard what do I do about this upcoming party? Send a birthday card with regrets that I cannot attend? It would be absolutely murder for me to go. Everyone in the extended family knows what is going on and that she is continuing her A. I would feel humiliated attending and it would break my no contact. Any advice please.
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Me BS 51
WS 47
married 24 years
D-Day #1 1980
D-Day #2 1981
D-Day #3 1987
D-Day #4 April 2003
Plan B 6/1/03
Asked WS to move out
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,465
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,465 |
Hello J1, I'm sorry for your struggle. I know your pain.
In speaking to Steve H. about exactly this issue (where we are both invited to the same social even), Steve advised that I should not attend if H attends. Protect yourself from further pain...and reinforce the NO CONTACT.
Take care of yourself and be strong.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 97
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 97 |
I mostly agree with you. The problem is I know so many of these people and they are my friends also. It seems like if I don't show up then I look the uncaring person who is snubbing everyone.
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
Since most people know about how your wife is cheating on you; I do not think they would feel you are are snubbing them. They will realize that you have no intention of condoning her constant affairs on you anymore. Good Luck.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
I really think you should go. This is not about you or your wife.
You can be cordial to your wife. You don't have to hang out with her or speak with her. Just be polite.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028 |
Since the party is for a member of her family, I think it would be better if you didn't go. Let her deal with all the questions and looks. A sincere card (no apology necessary) would be appropriate.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
An 80th birthday deserves a nice present, accompanied by a lovely card expressing these sentiments "I would dearly LOVE to come to this party and will miss seeing all of you, but under the circumstances it would just be too difficult for every one. I hope be at many birthdays in the future. Love to you all"
No contact means no contact. It protects the love that is left, and parties or other contact are opportunities for withdrawals to be made. Stick to the plan.
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