My H and I have been through two separations (longest lasting 5 months) He moved back in for good about 2 years ago and recovery has been challenging at times but it has been mostly okay. He still has spurts of wanting to go out with friends drinking and that has been the cause of most of our tensions (a big trigger from the "troubled times") Well, I was snooping today through his e-mail (I know, I know) and found an e-mail that I found inappropriate.
He wrote:
Hi! What is going on? I was just thinking about you. I hope you are doing fine. How is your boyfriend? You really don't have to tell me that. How is work? Are they taping you slacking off yet? When is the next time you are coming down? Maybe I will come up there. Maybe! Well email me at this address
(his name)
She replied:
Hey there! How are things down south? I know the weather is alot warmer than it is down here. I don't know when I'm coming down that way. D is coming home for my birthday in July, so I may come visit in August or September...we'll see. I know as I write this you are sitting back with your coffee watching your employees on like 30 TVs!! Shame on you!! And for the record...I never slack off..I always handle business Anyway, talk to you soon, take care, don't party too hard and all that good stuff.
(her name)
This was written last month and there were no e-mails before or after from either (that I know of) I immediately called him on the golf course and went ballistic. I asked him who (her name) was and he said "Uhhhh...that is D's friend" (by the way, "D" the girlfriend of one of his good friends) I went off on him telling him he would never change, etc. This was it, I wanted him to pack his stuff and get out blah, blah, blah and hung up. He calls back and tells me it is nothing. He has never done anything with this girl it was just D's friend he met in passing and he e-mailed her to see how she was doing. I told him the e-mail didn't sound very innocent because he asked her about coming down and even told her he may go up there. We fought some more and I told him it was over and hung up. All this time I'm expecting him to come right home. He proceeds to finish his round of golf (real concerned, right?) and came home and took a shower. He gets dressed and I ask him where he is going and he says out with his cousin as he had planned previously (he had planned to go out with his cousin because he is moving out of state) I'm just stunned because it's obvioulsy not bothering him how upset I am. He tells me that nothing happened and if I decide to end things, his conscience is clear because he didn't do anything wrong I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like if I don't leave him this will be a never-ending cycle. He is staying at his cousins tonight and says we need to take a step back and evaluate things before we make rash decisions (I'm the one saying It's over) I told him as he walked out that if he wants to know why I'm ending things it's because of our 18 month old daughter. I said "If I stay, I'll be teaching her that it's okay to stay in a relationship with a husband that continuously cheats. I don't want that for my daughter...I want her to have a 'true love'"and with that I walked inside and he drove off. We have talked on the phone a couple more times and he admits that the e-mail was inappropriate but he still stresses that nothing happened. He did agree that it could have opened doors for something to happen and he understands that I'm upset. He still is not real apologetic or even offering much explanantion for his behavior. I feel that if he really wanted things to work his a$$ would have come right home from the golf course and wouldn't be out with his cousin right now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I told him I can't and won't live like this anymore and he agreed. So we are "stepping back" and he is also trying to decide if HE wants to work on things also. What do I do guys. I don't want to have to worry about this all the time. I have NO trust for him anymore and I don't see that coming anytime soon! When is enough enough?! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
(BTW: He did try to turn things around on me for "snooping" I simply told him "a person that has nothing to hide, hides nothing" and it looks like I had reason to be snooping! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )
Sorry for the book.
