Isn't it funny. How fast things detioriate after D-Day.

The very day before D-Day (2-6-02) I had the most loving e-mail from EX-WW saying how great I was, how generous, loving, sexy and blah blah blah
With the next day being D-Day. In the short 16 months after, we seperated, then legally seperated, then divorce was made final on June 5, 2003.

How did I go from hero to zero in 16 short months?Kind of makes me feel like I wish OM's girlfriend never told me. Now its over and I don't care. Is it a natural phenomena for things to deteriorate so rapidly after D-Day?

I am saddened by all of this and I know what my part in this was but at least now the guilt is gone as I know she has just as much to do with the crappy condition of the marriage Pre-A as I did and I can hold my head high for not cheating even though I wasn't exactly "fufilled" either.

Anyways anybody else experience a rapid decline after D-Day? And why do you think that is.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Just bumping my thread...Would really like some opinions.

rlyhurtin,

If you glance at my thread you will see that i also had a rarip decline after D-day. If fact I went from devastated to don't care in 5 weeks.

How long it takes for this to happen depends on the LB$ balence at D-day and how much WS is withdrawing from it.

At the end you are supposed to feel the way you do now. Knowing you did the best you could to save M and also no longer in love with WS and ready to move on with your life.

I'm sorry for you that it turned out the way it did. WS still may come back and you will then have to decide if you want them back.

As for me ,I'm only in it for the kids now and I will wait the 2 years b4 I move on.

Rly,
I wondered what happened to you. I don't come here as much anymore.

Yes, everything declined rapidly here after DDay. ExH filed for divorce about 5 months later.

I think that DDay exposes all of the ugliness and complete misery in the marriage. What could be worse , than being betrayed--or knowing that you did the betraying.

I hope you feel better soon. I wish I could offer some hope in that area, but I can't. My divorce was final 10 months ago but I still am filled with deep sadness over the loss of my spouse. I don't cry as much, but the pain is there.

Take care,
H_P

Rlyhurtin (and others)
I'm having some trouble following threads back to the beginnings. I don't want to hijack but in your cases, was your S involved in an A and, if so, is your WS still with OP. It seems that I see many cases on these boards where a M ends because of an A, yet the WS and OP have not stayed together. My WW has had NC with OM for over a month and has no intentions of restarting the A but has shown no desire to work on our M. Is there hope?
________
BS-48, WW-45
M-23years
D-day 2/16/03
WW moves out 2/28/03
A over, NC since 5/2/03 but no interest in rebuilding

Just thinking about this post and I am VERY CURIOUS to hear what others have experienced as to why things go to hell after D-Day so fast.

I mean her e-mail to me the day before D-Day professes her love...Then after D-Day turns out I have been satan all along ...I don't buy it.

Do you think I was a "great guy" as along as I put up with her getting some "on the side"--Probably what she meant...Oh well.

Would love to hear from more of you.

Rly

Rly,

Well, I'm not sure I can give a whole lot of answers - just let you know that you aren't alone. It was much the same with me and my WH, and seems to be the case with a lot of people.

In my case, my WH and I had decided when we first married that we didn't want to have kids. It was more what I wanted than what he wanted, but sometime within the first year we were married, he said he agreed with me, and that he didn't want kids either.

Two days before dday, I got an e-mail from him (he avoids actually talking about issues like this; would rather do e-mail than talk, and usually would rather avoid completely above anything.) The e-mail said that he had realized he really wanted a family, and how did I feel about that? I responded by telling him (not in e-mail, I felt this deserved a face-to-face) that I had been feeling much the same, but since he had always agreed with me about the problems we would face, and that he didn't want any, I hadn't been willing to bring it up. That I was still conflicted about it, so I hadn't been willing to bring it up yet. We spent the next day talking about how we could work around some of the problems (I make more and we can't afford to be without my salary, but I would have to be off work for some period of time....not deal-breakers, just things that needed agreed upon ahead of time.) That ended up being one of the happiest days of my life....at least it seemed that way at the time.

The next day he told me about A.

Everything went downhill fairly quickly after that. I still don't really understand either. The only thing I can figure is it's the whole "not living in reality" thing that so many people talk about on these boards. He seemed to be able to separate it...tell me he loved me, and do things that indicated a future with us, yet have a whole future planned out with OW at the same time, calling her the love of his life.

That continued until I found he was still seeing her and lying extensively about it and a number of other things, the whole while we were going to MC and he was swearing that he wasn't seeing her and was working on fixing things (among other things, he took out a 5-year loan without my knowledge to buy her a truck...she has it, but the title and loan are completely in his name.....he was supposed to be working on getting it back to sell it and take care of some of the debt he had run up.) Once I found out the truth, he started acting like I was the one who wronged him.

The only thing I can figure is that he was living in two worlds, and happy to be having his needs met that way, especially since it meant he didn't have to address any of my needs that I'd been trying to tell him weren't being met for years. And I'm the "bad guy" for putting my foot down and insisting that it couldn't continue. I ruined the fantasy.

Oh, and I guess I can add one other thing that a lot of others have said on these boards:

It's called fog. Once the affair was discovered, part of living in the fog is the WS must see the BS as a horrible person to justify his/her actions. If you look around, I'm sure you can find some old threads that talk extensively about fog and what the WS says and does while in the fog. A lot of people around here have said that it's almost like there's a script for WSs. And I have to say, mine said all the normal "fog" stuff: he never really loved me, it never felt "that way" with me, he's never felt about a person what he feels with her, never thought he could find that kind of love and so he "settled" for me, he loved me but was not "in love" with me... I could go on, but I know it's all been described around here before. Maybe some of the MB vets could put up links to some of the better threads explaining this stuff.

Me, I've only seen my WH in the fog since this started. They supposedly do come out of it eventually.

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: penguin ]</small>

My fellow BS's how many of you can truthfully say that once you found out, that you did not engage in any love busters (angry outbursts, selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, etc) against your WS?