3,

Are u here I really need to talk to you

L

LISA , I am here, I read your post the other day , I am so sorry I had not a moment to spare I started to post to you then I had to delete ,something came up .

I am very relived to hear thet OW is not pregnant .I know that must have been horriable to even think about .

Any way I can help to support ,you I am here .

I do not want to advise you as to how to preceed , I am not a very good example to follow and though you are right our situations are VERY simalar , I can only offer you MVHO .

EVEN though I did not do PLAN B THIS time around does not mean that I do not agree with PLAN B ..

I told you when you first started posting YOU need to be ready , but do not use excuses to say you are not ready .

BEFORE MB I PLAN B my WS and it WORKED .!!!!

Everything I did after that was my choice, do to the change of the situation .

I am NOT telling you either way , you have to KNOW for you .

Having the A in your face is far worse then having him gone ... I can definately tell you IT will increasing get worse .

THE pain , anger , disrespt , And lowselfesteem IS HORRIABLE ..

YOU have small children and you need to look out that you can care for them .

WS may only see OW 2x's a week now , so did mine .

THEN 2x's was 4and so on ...

THEN before I relized anything it was 2 relationships .

I see the obstcales the business that you have and eveything else but you can PLAN A with him out of the house so that will be a boundery right there .

I will post late tonight , I have to JET H home going to dinner . PLEASE know that I am hear and thinking of you ,, go back to some of my posts on my origanal thread in QG . LISTEN to the pain and how it gets with the A in your face . ALSO listen to the advice I received . PLEASE READ through them...

Take the MED"S if you have them ..

OH and it is good that the A was exposed alittle .
I also did that the first time .

BAsicly I followed MB princeples when I was not on MB LOL ..

I exposed A, I contacted OW , I went to PLAN B .

HE came home BEGGING !!!IT took 5 months

I just lost it all after he was home LOL

PLEASE , look out for you , laugh , live and love yourself .

Theris also another post I want you to read here MIMI1254 , READ her story and her PLAN B .

Also explain to family right now that they know that you need there support not there anger. THEY love you and most family and friends only want to protect you from pain . BUT they need to know that YOU choose to SAVE your M .

Ask for help with kids and time for yourself .

LISTEN DO NOT TRY TO BE SUPER WOMEN !!!!

This is not healthy , I am telling you my every mistake .

Although I am feeling better , it should not have to this long .

I am stuboran , thick headed and I always think I can take more then the MAN of STEAL .

THIS is not good . TALK , CRY , WALK , SLEEP , do not hide from your emotions .

THEY are normal , you are normal . YOU did not do this , BUT as I was told you must set BOUNDERIES.

There are some very good things IC, MC, and ws is still communicating .

IF your not ready to PLAN B yet OK , BUT set a dead line in your head , if contact continues then start to get ready for PLAN B ..

PLEASE do that , set a dead line another month what ever you think you are able to handle .

and be honest with yourself , WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE . DON'T lie to yourself .

WHILE the dead line approachs make sure you are PLAN A and also working on inner peace with yourself .

PLEASE post back . Again I am so sorry I have not posted sooner I feel horriable for that .

THINGS are starting to take such a turn around here I hope I am not headed down a raod to false recovery ..

I am PLAN A all the way with the N/C for this week so far . And H is taking huge steps so I am in such early stages VERY EARLY ..

In this mess I helped to create I shouldn't even be hopeful that this N/C will last but I am taking steps to heal every day for ME !!!!!!

FIND 1 thing to laugh at and about . I find this to be very fun, healthy and well great for me . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BE well and post back I will check !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

BUMP ,LISA YOU AROUND?

3,

Thanks for responding. I have been so busy the last couple of days. If talking to me is too distracting for you with your own recovery please let me know.

Since my meltdown since last Thursday, I have felt wonderful. It has nothing to do with my situation improving at all because it has not. It has to do with me. I have not cried in a week and feel good about that. I am finally starting to feel completely comfortable with who I am and realize I Have a life that continues and a family to take care of. I feel much more self-esteem and confidence than I think I have ever felt.

I have told H this and said I have done a complete 180degree turnaround. He is still talking to OW and probably will be seeing her any day now. I think he hasnt seen her in over a week. Today I told him I was preparing myself for him not to come home one of these nights and he said nothing. Then I asked him if he could possibly imagine how that makes me feel. He said no. He also told me he feels as though in a couple of months I am going to tell him to go F@$%K himself, because of the change in me this past week. I said I had no intentions of doing that, my intentions are saving this M. I then asked him why he has been so far away from me this past week, and he said see the more I pull away from you the the better you feel. H said that must tell you something. I told him it was not that way. I feel as though taking control of my life. we have been communicating better and working together better. He really did not respond. I guess he is still deep in fog. Any thoughts.

My biggest fear right now is how I react the next time he doesnt come home. I think it will be the last straw. Or do I continue to keep doing what I am doing in hopes that we can move forward.

Hugs to You 3

L

NO not to much for me to handle , I am good just can't get on to respond all the time. Please do not think I am avoiding you or not here for you .

HOW will you REACT the next time ? wow , I sat MANY MANY nights with the same thing . FIRST if you are going to choose to stay in this longer with the contact , IT is the first hurdal you must learn .

NO REACTING ,,,,, THIS is very difficult to do .

IT's how you act that counts , NO REACTING .

NO LB , NO CRYING to him , NO begging , AND No waiting for him to walk in .

OK sounds , what like I am crazy , YES it is crazy thats what I am telling you .

LISTEN ,,, THERE is no reson you should worry about it , SET BOUNDERIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TELL him , no MORE staying over with her or get out . PERIOD END ..

IF you don't want to do that , then you need to suck it up and not BLOW UP .

THATS what the difference is if you are not going to PLAN B .

I hope I am not confusing you . LISA this is very hard and again I only did this do to the situation of things chaging when he came home .

AGAIN I did PLAN B the first time and it did work . I had contact though only do to kids .

WHAT are you doing for you ?

ARE you leaning on family more now that they know ?

And what was that all like ? you haven't mentioned what happened and how its been now that your mom & dad know . ???

Ok also I have bumped up your thread so more MB vets can help . PLEASE do not get discouraged if responses are slow , some do not like to respond to people who are in it with on going contact .

DID you give thougth to what I said, about a dead line ???

IT does not mean you are giving up on saving M , IT is just telling him when he has N/C , you may be willing then to consider conditions for reconcilation .

OH and I am a horriable speller so bare with me LOL .

Ok answer some questions and I will talk soon .

I am on edge cause tomorrow is FRI . And there is still N/C and FRI> this OW always seems to kick into high gear . And I will tell ya I have had it , and can't have it start any more . THERE comes a time when you get at peace with yourself that you just don't want it any more .

I did not do PLAN B and that is the down side , cause if it does not stop it will just be over . That is what happens if you let it go on and enable them , you are not preserving the love you have to recover.

BECAUSE after N/C theres still alot of work and you need energy for that .

BE well and please even though you feel good a couple of days it comes and goes.
be WELL ..

((((((((((HUGS GIRL))))))))))I will PRAY for you and WS and even pray for OW ...LOL oK to soon for that LOL

3,

Hey How are you doing. Well he came home last night..he had to work. We had a very nice interlude with rose petals and candles. Something I WANTED. I have a feeling he will not be home tonight. I really dont know how to react anymore. He has definitely noticed a change in me the past week.

The other day I was working with H and in our truck was a picture of H and OW at the wedding they went to together. I saw it and didnt say anything. A few minutes later H asked me if I was mad I basically said nothing. They he said you should be mad, yell at me I deserve it. I told him what makes me mad is the fact that he has to ask me if I am mad. DUH!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He has given every indication that he wants me to get very angry at him. I just dont understand him at all anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

As far as my family they all have been very supportive and I am leaning on them immensely. I have wonderful parents. Everyday I make sure I do something for myself and I pray. I truly feel good.

3...here is my dilemma..you know we are a blended family. On July 1st my 2 step children will be here for two weeks straight. Then again in Aug. We have fought through the courts for 4 years to have more time with these wonderful kids. I am really looking forward to having extended time with them and them spending time with their brother and sisters. If I tell him to go I totally ruin this, and I feel that is not fair to everyone else involved. I guess it will be his choice on how much he wants to involved with us those two weeks. Also I think having them here and seeing all of us together may help things. What do you think??

Well gotta go for now..I guess if our Fri nite turns out crappy..we can chat tonight.

Hugs

L

OH , of course he wants you to REACT !!!!

DO NOT DO NOT LB!!!!

This will happen if he sees you "hadling yourself"
Then he will be nervous that in a matter of time you may through him to the wind.LOL

So the DILEMA I am not telling you to do it , BUT MVHO is that you if you can PLAN A your butt off till end of AUG. vac . with family .

THEN , IMVHO you go straight to PLAN B !!!

NO question about it .

YOU see PLAN A into PLAN B is to leave him with that loving good FAMILY inverment so he will take that to OW .

IN hopes the last impression you leave him with is safe , loving , comfortable, knowing that he will think of all those things when he is out of house , in turn he will be misarable with OW .

DO you understand all that it is of PLAN A and that step into PLAN B ???

READ more if you don't . BUT I think it will be important to have that time as a family as his last thought before you PLAN B ..

SO if you are strong enough to do it till kids leave in aug. then I say stick it out . THEN PLAN B . that should be your deadline time .

HOW is ws feeling about family knowing ?
HAS it had an affect on him?

Also is there a pattern to when he sees OW ?

SIRTAIN nights ect...??

ok I hope to GOD not to be on for long tonight, cause if N/C is broken I will be NUTS .

SO with that said, I will check in ,OH and by the way please read the threads I told you also if ORCHID should jump in to LISTEN she is wonderful and if you need call out to her . SHE has a real great way of expressing herself .

Don't stop posting on your other thread , otheres need to help you and you need to listen to what they say .

It is very helpful to get all veiws of this . Sometimes one person says something that will just help so much or give you away of thinking that you haven't thought of yet .

OK PRAY , be strong and YOGA helps you think clear <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I try everything women !!!LOL

Write things down get a juornal post in it every day , write down when he sees, speaks or is out all night with OW .

FOR alot of reasons this helps , you see patterns and you see yourself in it when you go back and read , you may not even be able to belive what you are putting up with .

Also read my thread I am telling you , you will get another veiw and may even say oh my GOD why did she out up with that ?? I would never ..

THEN do not do it . GET the point ...

((((hugs))))