I know many who post here are christians and have a living faith and a place in their local church. I just wonder if any of you have felt as I do?

I have been a christian for 26 years- since I was 17, met my ex at church bible week, we married and were very very involved in the life of the church and in leadership in the church. Since the separation - and now dv, I have found it increasingly difficult in church. My faith didn't waver when it all started- and in the early days I stood firm believeing and praying for my marriage to be restored. As yet it hasn't happened and for the rest of my story you could read old threads about how I did try and save my M. However I find myself increasingly alienated within church. I had moved at the time of the separation and so have had to find my place in a new church. But it has never felt like home to me, and I find it hard to find my way. It feels as if not only the heart of my marriage and family but my christain walk and service was ripped out when my ex walked. I struggle to know where I belong any more. I'm not single but do have children and so find I don't fit into any category. Anyone out there experienced this??

Jante

Im so sorry you are having the feelings you are having.But let me tell you this, when you are in question of your faith, that is the time to pray and study as much as possible by living in the word. Dont go to just any church and settle in but not be fed spiritually. Visit around, find a place you feel called to ..Somewhere there is a place god wants you in to serve him. None of this is easy, being betrayed and things not working out is a hard bite to swallow. It wasnt God who let you down. And it wasnt your faith that failed you. it was sin that destroyed a part of you.
Visit around find a good pastor, someday you will walk in a place and just know thats where you belong. And a peace will set in, and you will be home. Bless you and keep me posted Id love to hear what kind of things you discover if you chose to broaden your horizons by going to other churches..Im doing tha tvery thing right now and IM enjoying it alot.

Dear jante,

I also am a Christian - I became a Christian when I was 24, 2 years before I met my H. Around the time I met my H, who was a convert to Catholicism from the Anglican church, I also became attracted to Catholicism - my H helped me find someone who would instruct me, and my H was my "sponsor" when I was received into the church, before we were engaged. I also feel that my faith journey was very tied up with my H. As you know from reading my posts, I have a lot of feelings about the hypocrisy of my H, in his EAs, and his "friendships" with OW - I feel he shelters behing his religion, and so do some of his female friends. But when I read my last statement, I can now see immediately how judgemental that statement is. I used to feel justified in making those kinds of statements, now I recognize that I am being judgemental, even if my feelings are natural.

When I discovered my H's first EA, I was devastated. I couldn't understand how my H, who I had thought was such a moral person, could get involved with someone in the way that he had. I thought that if I appealed to his morality, that he would think again. I found out that despite his principles, like all WS, he wormed his way around everything that he believed in order to keep what he wanted to have. Such is the nature of temptation. I had to go through a long, hard process of realizing that my own faith in Christ was very tied up in believing that God had given me my marriage as a reward for being a good Christian. When my marriage was threatened, and my faith in my husband destroyed, my own faith was thrown into turmoil. I hadn't realized that instead of making God my rock and fortress, I was depending on my husband to prove to me that God loved me. I thought that God's love for me was demonstrated by my husband's love for me. When my husband's love was taken away from me, only then could I begin to find God's true love for me. Through all the trials of the last two years, what had strengthened is my relationship with Christ. I have learned to separate my H's spiritual destination and journey from my own. Yes, we are married, and yes, our spiritual lives our bound up together. But he is still possessed of free will apart from me - if he chooses to betray me, he will someday face the consequences. I know that God still loves him, and also that God still loves me and that through my relationship with Him, I will still be guided through my life. My faith is no longer dependent on my husband's fidelity to me.

You did everything you could to save your marriage, but there are two parties involved. Your H made choices you had no control over, and is responsible for his own soul. And so are you. What I hear is your loneliness speaking, and your grief at the life you lost. But your spiritual journey is not over, unless you choose for it to be so. Many, many people are out there waiting to be in community with you, to share your pain, and to walk with you into a new life. You may feel shy right now, but with time, you will find somewhere you will feel comfortable and happy with. I think you are grieving now, more than you want to admit. As bad as this is, Christ is right there with you, loving you, even if you can't feel it right now. Just trust Him. I'll pray for you that you find Him - I know your trust in other humans is damaged by this, but you will get through.

love, LIR

Thank tyou for your thoughts and sharing your experiences, LIR and H, I do appreciate them. I am seeking God at the moment to lead me to a church where I can feel fully at home, and where he children will be happy. They moan that non of the churches here are as exciting as the one we left in Scotland. I will continue to look to God for help.

Jante

J
My kids are in the process of complaining that they never know where we are going on sunday morning until we hit the car. Usually qwe stop get them something to nibble on and decide then. We have been to many diff kinds the last month or so and heard so very good messages. Sometimes its like we were called to a particular place to hear th eguest speaker we had no idea was going to be there. Last Sunday there was a man at the place we went that spoke on samson...now we both know what happened there...Then the man gave a example of a marriage that might not be to its full potential and leaving the door open for sin. My gosh he might as well have called you.
He described the exact years we have been married, house 2 cars boat ect...It was errie..When we left that service something clicked,god doesnt let things happen. Yes he sees the forks in the road. But even in the bible he stood back and let faith be tested byt hings. Sometimes people forget things by not being in the word. If they ever get back in it you can see a amazing change. I have <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope you are OK, jante - bumping up for you.

LIR

Thanks LIR- doing a lot better this w/e than last. I thank everyone who has prayed for me over the week it certainly has helped. I know in my heart that God has begun a ood work in me and will carry it on to completion- just need to let Him get on with it. Hope all is well with others reading this.
Jante

I have prayed quite a bit about you and what you are going through, and just feel things will work out for you.

This has got to be one of my shortest posts ever to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I know you get around to other threads a little bit, I meant what I said about you.

SS

Thanks SS- I'm doing ok. Heard today I have some more teaching work next week, and also I 've been asked to speak about my pevious work at 2 conferences one in the auumn and oone next spring!

God is good.

Jante

I know you must still have down days. You still have no one to give you a hug when you need one. ( sorry for bringing this up, I don't mean to dwell on the hard parts.)

Are you able to realize that the down is just temporary and go on?

I believe you can, I always have believed that about you, I just was thinking - and I tend to type it out and not hang on to it.

God must hold you in very high esteem, at least I believe so based on the thoughts that come to me about you, and what to pray for in your behalf.

Your Heavenly Father extends care and protection to you, but I believe that he looks at things a little differently than we do. His main concern is that we return safely to him, and I think he counts the bumps and bruises as valuable experience for us. I hope you can feel his presence as you pray. I feel it as a calm loving feeling - reassurance and strength. Knowing that I will be OK if I do the best I can.. Often it is more personal than that, but I hope you feel that love and hope. I believe he tries to bring us experiences that will help us grow, and I believe that sometimes he does not shield us from things he could help with so that we may grow. Do you ever feel like you have had enough growth and you would just like a rest?
I am thankful that he knows best.

Things must be well with the boys, or you have learned that you can take care of whatever comes up. I was thinking about C yesterday. He has to act big for his age right now, I sometimes wonder how all this affects him. It sounds like the older two have made many of their adjustments already.

I doubt there is anything you need that we could give you through a keyboard, but our family would help any way we possible could.

You know, sometimes I spend too much time on some things. Maybe it's time for me to find something humorous again . I should think about what I could do - like have a gorilla jump out next time you come home and open the front door. The boys would think it funny, but you............you might not.

Something like that.............but nothing really comes to mind yet, so I'll keep thinking about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

Later edit,
I am glad for the continued work - and being asked to speak must mean you did a good job and that they are happy with the last time you spoke. I would like to hear it, but don't feel bad if I don't come.

<small>[ June 19, 2003, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi Jante,
Are you doing well?

Hi SS
Hadn't been on for a while and then saw you had asked about me.

Thanks- i'm doing well. I had 3 days work last week in a difficult school but I did so well if the teacher is off work again this week the head of dept wants me to go back. that did wonders for my self esteem as you can imagine.

I've just got back from a w/e away with my friends i met through the other board. We had a 70's themed party at one of the homes and had a great time. It was good to laugh and talk about so much else in our lives now other than the divorce situations. We did spend some time talking about how we had been helped ny posting on forums such as this one and the one where we met. I know now I will be ok what ever happens in my life. I am still praying about my role in church life but will know Gods peace soon I'm sure. Thanks for your concern

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> jante

Hi J,

Thanks- i'm doing well. I had 3 days work last week in a difficult school but I did so well if the teacher is off work again this week the head of dept wants me to go back. that did wonders for my self esteem as you can imagine.
Ha, I always said.......wait, I suppose If I say it again then I'll be repeating myself. Oh well, what the heck. I always said you were good.

I know now I will be ok what ever happens in my life.
Me too ! I knew that too!!!
I think I even said something about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I usually sit in bed and read before I go to sleep, and last night I was thinking about you again. I had a strong feeling ( again) that you will do well, and that you have a great deal of help whenever you need it. Someone up there knows you well, and is taking good care of you. I can feel it. Well, why not, you're worth it.

Jante, I am glad you are doing well. Give my greeting to your mother, and tell her that she has friends in America praying for her too. I hope she is well now after her struggles of last year.

I haven't heard how FIL is doing for quite some time. I wonder how MIL does with FIL's problems. I hope she is a strong person like you are.

Hope the boys are happy, but not TOO happy.

SS

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 04:00 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

SS
I'd be interested in your thoughts on the following
On saturday I asked T if he had completed the financial disclosure requested in April- I had already told him without it I wouldn't file for the absolute. He said he'd done some of the work but not all. I then said "I take it you do want me to go ahead with the absolute" to which he gave no reply.
Spoke to my solicitor today and he recommends not proceeding to the absolute without a financial settlement sorted. So delay is on its way!

Jante

I don't have any idea the why's and wherefore's of the law but that's not what you are asking anyway. I say it as background, because I don't understand why he wouldn't go ahead since he told you he wished to be done with it.

Logic says either he has second thoughts about the D, or he is afraid of the financial consequences of the final. You would know better than I at this point, becuase I don't know what has gone on between the two of you lately.

If he is already paying the money monthly as agreed, then I can only - no wait, could it just be because he has always been slow to get things like this done? No real reason?

I was going to say I can only think he may have 2nd thoughts about the D, but think of how he does things, how he has had a hard time with things related to money for quite some time. It may just be that he is slow because he has always been slow.

What are you thinking his reasons are?

I was thinking you would soon be dating, and perhaps kissing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

You have at least one single male friend. Do you both feel the same?

I am sorry for continued problems, I know the emotions are still there sometimes. I still pray for you and the boys. You have my continued respect and you are often in my thoughts as I speak with the Lord to care for you.

I have said this before, it is interresting the things that come to mind. Sometimes I don't know where they come from.

SS

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 11:56 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are you thinking his reasons are? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It may just be that he is slow because he has always been slow.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I think this is the reason but I just wondered if you had any other insights.

I was thinking you would soon be dating, and perhaps kissing.
You have at least one single male friend. Do you both feel the same?

Well I have had one linch date with a gentleman who contacted me through a dating agency that my details had been on from a while back. I hadn't seriously intended to use it. The gentleman in question was very pleasant but it did feel like I was out with my dad so i never met him again.

I continue to see the male friend you mention at get togethers- the last was last w/e and we get on very well. We have also met in the past on a couple of occasions without the group for coffee but though I do have feelings for him I'm not aware that they are reciprocated- he treats me as a very good friend. He did mention when asked by others at the w/e that he didn't feel ready to date as he was enjoying his independence but then asked one of the others who had met his partner through a dating agency hich one he had used as he may be ready soon to use one! So i continue to be friends with him and wait!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

No kissing on my part now for over 2 years!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Hope all ios well with you

Jante

Sometimes I don't think much before I post. I hope what I said did not hurt your feelings. When you have been married for a long time and enjoy the love and companionship 2 years is a long time to be without a kiss. I don't know if I should have let go or apoligize, but here I am.

I am still uncertian what I ought to say, if you are wanting to spend less time here, I probably ought not to keep asking you things.

Our family is well, and I am off work today. We had plans to go for a bike ride but W wasn't feeling well this morning and it it too hot this afternoon. I spent the time playing board games with the twins who wanted more time with me.

Next week we go on a trip to the Grand Canyon. It is officially a Boy Scout trip with the boys Spencers age but we needed a shuttle driver to drop us off for the 17 mile mountain bike trail ride, ( we finish back at camp) so W and the girls will go too and camp near where I will be with the boys. The W of the other adult leader will go to keep W company so they ought to have fun too.

I wish your boys could see the sights, if you want them to come, have them here Wed night.

Ah, well, I ought to leave you alone.
I continue to feel like you are doing well. No unease when I think about you today.

SS