My wifes affair seems to be falling apart. And not her choice.

When we talked shortly after that event she became more distant and much angrier than I had ever seen her before. (If she would have been that emotional in our marriage, communication would have been much better)

I was told it was over between us and I should move on. Of course I can't without some closure at the very least and my feelings just can't be turned off in such a short time. She left 3 months ago.

Is her reaction toward me and are marriage normal?

I feel totaly lost again. I had gained some control about the affair and the separation and though this change of events (affair failing) should be time to rejoice I feel totaly out of control again. This is the first time she said she may not call me for some time and that I shouldn't call her.I've been plan "B"ed. This is just gut wrenching. I'm afraid that if she doesn't call for some time that I will begin to move on as she says I should. I feel so punished by her affair and the fact that she doesn't see what it's doing to me and us.

Is this realy how it can end. Her telling me not to call, angry with me, no remores, no closure or attempt at new marriage?

Hello Goodguy!

I am new at this myself but I would suggest letting her have her space. Tell her that you respect that she needs this and will do whatever it takes to make things work between you two even if it means giving her some time and space. Let her know that you haven't given up on her or the M. Let her know that despite what she has done you still love her very much and want whats best for her. Be understanding and kind.

My bet is that she is pretty miserable now. She left something lasting for something she felt was more right at the time - and it all fell apart. She is probably pretty confused right now. Give her the time she is asking for - either way you won't be disappointed. Either you will move on or she will return and be the person you miss.

Just a thought. Remember I am very new at this myself.

Good luck! Cherie

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: cnf ]</small>

CNF

Thanks for your input. Good sound advice.

I really have little choice. If I call or chase she may see it a controling or trying to manipulate her choices.

Just a tough spot not to talk with someone for what could be a long time after so many years together.

Your welcome! I don't know how long you have been together - but a few months more isn't that long. In the long run anyway. If you gain future years together - it will be worth it. She will respect you more for havin' given her what she has asked for.

I am waiting for the day when my WH has it fall apart and comes back - even if he is asking for space. It is just satisfying to know that -he will know with out a doubt the grass isn't so green on the other side. I am somewhat excited for you - if you can understand that... It may be a step closer for you to reconciliation - ya know?

Well - I definately understand how hard it is to not depend on and talk with the friend you once had in the WS. It is probably one of the most difficult things knowing I can't just call and talk when I want to or need to. I am sure with time it gets easier! At least that is what I am hoping for.

Give her the space she is asking for - you may be surprised at the results...

Hang in there! Cherie

Cnf

If you read this thanks for the female perspective.

BTW - When his affair begins to crumble hang in there. It was like going backwards for me in many respects. You will likely become the bad wife as though everythings your fault. Try and prepare for that day. Keep your A plan going.

goodguy ... what your wife is telling is fairly normal. when my wife's om broke it off with her, she told me that if were to call and ask her to come see him she would go without question or hesitation. we separated for seven months. she's home now and our recovery is underway. put your Plan A into motion and things CAN change.

show her a strong, confident and attractive man.

Goodguy - Thanks and Your welcome!

On my earlier post - I didn't mean to cut her off completely. Still be there for her as much as she will let you. It will be important that she knows you are there.

Like Whippit said - keep up with the Plan A. Be a wonderful husband regardless of what she is doing right now.

Good luck! Cherie