I have been seperated from wife since January. Together 11 years, 3 children 14, 6, and 3. She initiated this because she needed her space. Actually turned out to be for a male "friend" who was a shoulder to cry on as we had difficulties in our relationship. Lack of time together, displays of affection, etc...
She has seen him since then and of course he is more than a friend now. I have done plan A with a few slip ups with anger, judgements, and negative comments about the other man. None lately.
We have had serious relationship conversations the entire time which results in her either saying she needs time, is confused, or telling me to move on. Most recently it was to move on, that she wants to be friends and spend time together but that it doesn't mean anything. As soon as I begin to move on, somewhat initate plan B by backing off quite a bit (no letter) she reacts, gets upset and calls me up telling me I am causing her pain, expressing how she was selfish in leaving and that she should have never confided in anyone else. So I let myself back on the string so to speak, wait some more and continue plan A. Her friends say that she doesn't really want me to move on. She says that she still loves and cares for me. We spend some time together, drinks, occasional dinner, conversations on the phone and in person. No sex, just occasional hugs, pecks on the cheek etc...
During this time she has told her friends who I communicate with that she see's that I am changing, still loves me and has thoughts of working things out. She expresses that she may be making a mistake by rejecting me but that she does not "trust" me in the sense that my changes are real and lasting. She tells me that she feels like she doesn't know me because of how different I am acting and wonders if it is an act. Basically the loss of her and my family rotating between households caused me to look deeply into my faults and realize things. I have told her that but to no avail at this point.
Her friends tell me to give her time and that she is thinking. My resolve for plan A is dwindling and I'm beginning to wonder if I am allowing her to have her cake and eat it to or if meaningfull progress is being made. Things are much better then they were and her friends tell me that she is thinking about me more and expressing concerns about traits this other guy has but she still is seeing him and not moving towards me. I guess actions speak louder than words. So should I plan A some more or go to B? Any opinions are appreciated.

Hi,

Some of her babble is just that WS babble "(She expresses that she may be making a mistake by rejecting me but that she does not "trust" me in the sense that my changes are real and lasting. She tells me that she feels like she doesn't know me because of how different I am acting and wonders if it is an act."

The way I would address that statement is by saying, 'well it is an honest attempt to better myself for the right person to appreciate it. Then again, I wonder about the changes you have made.' (add with a look of wonderment?!?!?)

See???? you put their babble back in their court. (Reverse babble technique).

In regards to plan A vs plan B, I think you need to read up on what those plans really are vs where you are and where you need to be.

There are a few here whose sig lines carry plan A and plan B info (redhat, john39???? ,etc.).
You can also read about it in the concepts section above and from the Harley books. What have you read from here?

Are you in any type of MC or IC counseling? Steve or Jennifer do great phone counseling.

JMHO, please let us know how you are doing.

L.

Thanks for your comments. I have been in IC since Feb, she declined MC but mentioned twice to me recently that maybe she needs IC. However I don't think that she will go. She is trying to be (act)strong but admits to her friends and even me a couple of times that she is depressed, confused etc...