For those of you who don't know my situation, here's a brief review: WH and I are legally seperated. I live on mainland and he is still in Hawaii. Even though it was against my better judgement and the fact that I was just completely sick of dealing with him, I left and left it up to him to ship my stuff. I was able to leave because I came up on my WH orders which are sending him east. Anyway, he told me my stuff would be shipped to my parents' house where I am currently living. Movers are packing my stuff right now and it turns out it is all going to where he's going. I will not get my stuff now until Sept. or Oct. I am mad. He walked out on me and my son and I still have to take the consequences for his mistakes. I love him and I do want to keep my marriage going but he has said he does not want me to go with him to his next duty station.

My question is, how do I handle this situation without LB's on him? I didn't yell at him but I am angry. Plus, he will be in the area in 2 weeks. I don't know how to handle that either.

Hi Lunadove! I wish I could help but I am in the same situation as you! I just want to lash out at H for all he has done!

That being said there are alot of people on this site who will be helpful. Stay tuned.

Good Luck! Cherie

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LunaDove:
<strong>My question is, how do I handle this situation without LB's on him? I didn't yell at him but I am angry. Plus, he will be in the area in 2 weeks. I don't know how to handle that either.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you may have misunderstood the definition of a LB! It does not mean you cannot get angry or enforce your personal boundaries! It means you do not carry on with destructive behaviour patterns of the past.

I'd tell him that the arrangements he has made are totally unacceptable and he needs to fix it...NOW!! When he is in the area...plan A but do not, I repeat DO NOT beg, appear needy or let him disregard your boundaries!!

Luna,

I am sorry that he did this. Hind sight is 20/20 should of probably had something in writing with the seperation papers.

You can call his superiors and suggest that they send evreything to you at your parents and that he will have to come to you to get his things. Just a thought am not sure that that is possible. I know when xH and I seperated he was PCSing and he had his shipment and I mine, it would've cost me over $3000 to rent a truck to get my stuff from VA. So I was thankful. I also made sure that I got my share of dislocation allowance and travel pay for me and the kids. Not lots of $$ but everything helped in getting re-established.

Play the what if game as far as his upcoming visit. Know how it is you want to act so that you don't react. What if he does xyz, I will .... See what I mean. Know your boundaries and stick to them. Decide how much time it is you are willing to let H have time with your son, will those include over nights? Will you want to be included in H and sons plans? It helps if you right these things down, you can refer back to them when needed.

Be nice in H presence, do not talk bad about H to anyone, this always bites you in the butt! Don't be needy, be strong, show the improvements that you are making for yourself. Look good!!! New hair cut, color, style, manicure, pedicure anything that will make you feel great about you!!

Be supportative of son and acknowledge his feelings, they will be on a rollercoaster while dad is there. Make sure that you plan some extra special things for you and son while dad is there.

Come here and vent and post!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just thought I'd give a quick update. After husband called for the third time, turns out he called transportation to get it fixed. He says he wrote it on all the paperwork for my goods to be shipped to my parents' adress. I believe him. He told me enough times that he doesn't want me to go with him to his next duty station. Anyway, he tends not to read paperwork. Turns out on the final paperwork from transportation it said everything was going east. He signed it so now it's set in stone. I yelled at him a bit. The only thing I could think of for him to do is let the stuff go east and when he gets there take the seperation paperwork to transportation there and have it shipped to me.

As for talking to his chain of command, they won't help me. They didn't help me when I was there. Blamed all his problems on me. He's the one who changed into a jerk. I didn't change him. Being in the "fog" can sure mess up your career. Anyway, they didn't even help me when I was trying to use our vehicle. It was in both our names but they told me to figure my own way to work. They are not an option.

As for when he visits the area, we had a long talk about that. He called me atleast five times today. He says he misses me and our son. I told him son can stay the night with him if our son wants to. Son is 4 and can make his feelings known. Husband did say he wants to spend time with me too. I suggested a movie and he said that'd be fine. Who knows what's going to happen? My mom's not too thrilled about him being here soon. She's mad at him and gets mad at me for talking to him and being nice. It's not my fault I love him.

Looks like he might be finally getting over ow. It also helps that she's engaged to the guy she left him for.

Ok. A little bit of an update. Husband called me today to tell me the household goods have been shipped. He kept telling me he was emotional standing in our apartment bedroom and how sad he was for how things turned out for us. Also to tell me that he signed our to housing and had to pay money to have it cleaned. He doesn't have time to clean it himself. Anyway, he asked me what I've been doing with my days since I'm living with my parents. I just told him keeping busy. I don't know what else to tell him. It's really none of his business. I'm just getting mad again. He keeps telling me he's sorry that things aren't working out for me. He left me and our son and he's still appoligizing for how bad my life is turning out. (which it's not, just on hold for a little bit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) Why does he do that? Guilt?

He also keeps telling me that him leaving has nothing to do with XOW. I know it does. I don't know what he planned to do (ex. marry her) but she played a major part in all this because he is/was having such a strong withdrawl from her when he was telling me he was trying to work on it with me. I guess I'll just keep doing plan A.

Luna,

This is something orchid wrote awhile back and works really well when dealing with a WS in the fog. Read it and see if it might help you with your H's upcoming visit.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=019927#000015