I'm new here. Not sure if I'm in the right room or not. First I want to say I had a HARd time picking a screen name as all my choices were already chosen - I finally had to pick a spanish word so here I am finally.

I am a BS who found out 11/02 and there is another child involved. I do not wish to fall into the forum for people in my same boat yet so please do not refer me there.

My H and I are trying to stay together but it has been very difficult at times. He maintianed contact with her until February and then it appeared as if contact on his part had ceased although she continues to call him at work. There were no listings on our cell bill to or from and no more phone cards were being found. Then a couple of days ago I got our May statement and it showed he placed two calls to her and there were several from her to him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So I guess my question is - now what? What do I do? I know as long as I let him stay, he will but how do we get to the point of no contact at all.

I know my story is VERY vague and tust me I could write a book on our R but I'm reaching anyway. Thanks!

So I blew up of course and he keeps reassuring me he wants me not her and then he tried to blame me for him calling her because I "kept bringing it up" to him. You know how you're doing well for a while to NOT talk about it so much but then you take an emotional dive and suddenly have the urge to "talk" about it? Well that's me. So it's my fault because I kept reminding him of her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Chula,

Welcome to MB. Sorry to hear of the turmoil you are doing through. I recommend you do some reading here. You have the added issue of an OC. The preg/child site (I know you don't want to go there) has been real helpful to me. You may not want to post but keep reading it. Eventually you may want to post there. Those people (both men and women) are real supporters and understand that scenario better than most of us here on GQII. Even down to how to determine your legal rights (depending on where you live). This is will be important to (esp if OW is a golddigger).

Anyways, do you have an MC? Are you both able to visit them? Take the Emotional Needs questionnaire. If your H won't take it, you take it once for you and another for him. It may be revealing.

Read the book his needs/her needs by Dr Harley. There is more book type support and good references may be on the preg/child site.

Let us know what you think after reading the concepts section above.

1st we need to help you get to a point where you can find out how much you can deal with and then how to handle the parts you can't.

L.

Besides Dr Willard Harley's excellent book 'His Needs, Her Needs', I recommend you read 'Surviving An Affair' and 'Love Busters'. In the meantime read all the articles in the concepts and Q&A sections of this website.