I am posting just to vent a little.

Full story is irrelevant as it follows the most common pattern. Love you, but not in love... No OM "of course"… Got an apartment to “sort things out”, yada, yada, yada… D day March 9. Plan A till could not stomach her lies and the pain she was inflicting every time we met. A in the open for quite some time… Plan B started in April. NC with 3 phone calls in 57 days and one time met WW at the house.

So, here is the update:

WW calls and starts the separation agreement talk and dividing assets. NO signs of getting out of the fog. Tries to lure me into LB-ing her, but since NC there is nothing she can get me with. The most she could do is tell me (with a lot of anger in her voice) that I should have asked her before signing D and I for the dancing lessons and gave me sh&*t for changing the floors in the hallway. Our accounts are still joint and I “steal her money” by renovating the house that I know I am going to keep. She follows the script as if she had it printed. I imagined her holding the script in her hand and talking to me on the phone and almost burst in laughter. Had to cover the phone with my hand.

I, of course was sweetness itself, apologize for not telling her, promised not to do it again. Explained that the flooring was paid with my MasterCard and I will pay it off later, when we split the assets. You should have seen her reaction. For some inexplicable reason she still expected an angry outburst. I guess, she knows that is wrong to accuse someone for signing for dancing lessons with his daughter (any mother and wife would be happy to see her husband and child dancing the waltz together), and a normal reaction would be to react negatively to such nonsense. It threw her off, that she has to start over saying the same thing. I imagined her reading again. LOL I repeated the same thing I told her, with the same tone in my voice as the first time. She was speechless. I asked her if she has anything else to say and she said no. I said goodbye and hang up. I must admit that the conversation affected me but not much. After all this was to be expected.

Past week-end was invited by my wife’s boss to his house for a dinner. We are GOOD friends. The topic of the day was our situation. They offered $5,000 if I needed it to help me buy WS out. It was very nice of them. Since the A started at work, everybody is interested in my side of the story. I don’t tell how frustrated I am, how much it hurts, but they know. They give a lot of support. I got some info on OM. He is as arrogant as they come. One of those people that cannot talk about anything but themselves. When they started the A, he was involved with two other women that left him immediately as they found out of each other’s existence. Tells how far this R will go, doesn’t it? They told me that my wife lost almost every friend she had. There is one lady however, her emotional advisor, that keeps supporting her. Her husband though doesn’t. So she has to keep this fact secret from him. He was a BS once and has very STRONG opinion about affairs.

WS didn’t expect so many obstacles when the A stated. Everything looked so good on paper. Get rid of the Count Dracula (me) and everything will be a fairy tale from then on. LOL She’s still running away. The next step is legal separation. I know that this won’t change anything, but she doesn’t. I will have a laugh at her expense when she is going to get frustrated that NOTHING she is done helped her be any happier. Then will be the new house. That won’t change anything either. Then she will probably push for divorce. What a waist of energy and time…
I don’t want to sound bitter. I love my wife very much and could not have imagined saying things like that a year ago, but I am talking about a different person. The one that she is not. The alien that took over her body. I wonder how long until the alien leaves…

They plan to marry. What a joke. OM didn’t even meet our D. Says he is not ready until everything is finalized. I don’t know what it means. He is ready to marry a married woman, but not ready to meet her child. They already live together every second week, but when our D stays with her mom, he stays at his apartment.

Our D (11) is taking the situation very well. We’re HUGE buddies now. We chat on MSN every day and I save our conversations. It may help in court if WS tries a custody battle. She repeatedly tells me how much she loves me. I do the same. We have never been closer. Sometimes I think that in a strange way, my wife’s affair brought the best in both of us. D became more mature, more flexible, more understanding. We never had any problems before in our relationship, but now it reached a different level. We are closer than ever. She even tells me her little girly secrets that only moms get to know. What a joy being with her.

I could continue but I am tired after the soccer game tonight and got to get some sleep.

Thanks to everyone who read my long post.

God bless.

BigStar

<small>[ June 13, 2003, 09:14 AM: Message edited by: BigStar ]</small>

Hi,

Glad to hear you have a good relationship with your daughter. This is vital for both of you. As for your W, well it sounds like she has not hit bottom yet but she is sure headed in that direction.

Just the fact that the OM is a loser is crazy. To see a one time sane person be sooo irrational hurts the mind, eyes, heart and soul of all close to her.

Right now there isn't much you can do. Be there for yourself and your daughter. Be each other's support and comfort right now. Work on bettering yourself. When she comes back to her senses, your W is going to need her entire family.

take care,
L.

Hey Big Star – good to hear an update. Sad to hear thought that your WW is still irrational, lost, aggressive, destructive… you name it. The fact that they want to marry (without him having met D once) is just beyond contempt.
One question: you know my situation is roughly similar. I read your update and ask myself…. Is there any love left between you? Would you take her back? Could you two be together again? Under what conditions? These are the very same questions I ask myself – at this point, both you and I have it easy to sit back, relax, enjoy the Greek tragedy played before our eyes and see WWs struggle and discover reality. See what I mean?

Cheers
N

Thanks Orchid for reading my post. I appreciate your comments. I am bettering myself in many ways. I never thought I can dance, yet here I am dancing Swing and Cha-Cha with my D and enjoying it very much. I never thought of reading the Bible, yet here I am reading it before bed. All this time I have for myself I use wisely, not wasting any of it. You should taste my cooking!!!! Mmmmmm... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Nick!!! My man!!!

Glad you did the big move. Try to enjoy it to the fullest. It won't be easy at first, I know.

I have been asked those questions before. Is there any love between us? I can firmly say YES! I still love the person I married. I know that that person still loves me. The fact is, she is NOT the same person I married. It sounds almost like an episode of "X Files" but this is how I see it. I can imagine how in the Middle Ages a person like that could have been viewed as "possessed" and burnt at stake. She IS "possessed". We're talking about two different people.

To answer your second question if I could take her back. At this point is a definite NO!!! Not until she becomes the good wife and mother she used to be. I couldn't care less for the reasons she will come back to be herself. Be it that OM bails out, or she loses her "love" for him or the guilt for what she's done will eat the alien alive, I don't care. Only when the transformation happens, can I decide if I should take her back.

I made this decision for myself: I won't question her why she wants back. Imagine the stress she will have to endure if OM bails out and she is "forced" to comeback. I won't be adding anymore. This would be similar to what the "alien" did to me when I was at most vulnerable. Hurt me when I was helpless. I won't do that. Instead, I will give all I can, and if THAT is not received with gratitude, I will not let her in my life again. Of course I hope for the opposite. This is the condition.

Thanks again for reading my update, and God bless,

BigStar

<small>[ June 13, 2003, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: BigStar ]</small>