I read on these post that Plan "A" is to help break up the affair. And that Plan "A" should be used on a woman for 3 months prior to Plan "B" starting.

In my case my wife is having an affair with a married man who claims he wants out of the affair.

Now that he's said he want's out I assume there will still be contact between my wife and the other man at least during withdrawl. How much time should I continue to Plan "A" my wife until I move to Plan "B" and force her to make a clear choice. Work on us or I'm gone.

Please also understand that she moved out on the day she told me about the affair (3 months ago) and to this day remains distant. I'm lucky at this point to Plan 'A" with her 2 hours a week.

At this point everything she's done is pointing in here leaving for ever. Moved out, little to no contact with joint friends, less time for me or us,little conversation about us beyond it's over to much time has past, telling me about her future which doesn't include me etc. I feel I'm being pushed further away then when we were together. Have most of you had similar experiances with you WS?

Hi GG,

Let's bump this one up so you can get some help. There are some great guys out here that can give you a good male perspective on how to handle a WS w who has been rejected by her OM.

Her pride may be keeping her out. Other emotions may be coming into play and she may go after other OMs. Not meant to scare you but be safe, ok?

take care,
L.

gg,

One thing I wanted to mention...because like Orchid, I think the guys are the right ones to give you a bit of insight on this....is the time frame you have in place for Plan A. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the 3 months refers to how long a woman should practice a plan A...not how long you should do it for her. Men and women respond differently to Plan A....so length is important. Most women attempting this plan will drag it out too long and end up with a cake eater who is thoroughly enjoying have his needs met by two women...so she won't want to linger too long in the plan. Women on the other hand....need to see that the changes in their spouses are real and consistent which sometimes takes more time.

The second thing is that Plan A is designed to end the affair by giving your W an attractive alternative to the A. The A is over, and by my way of thinking your Plan A should go on only until your wife feels some inclination and indecision about going home. If I'm not mistaken, that could take up to 6 months....except that this affair has already ended. With that in mind....since the OM ended it....a short plan A to allow her to see the benefits and possibilities of returning home, followed by a SUPERVISED Plan B with a good coach might be your best bet.

Again, I bow to the greater knowledge of the guys who have been there done that. I would think Mortarman would be a good choice for advice and you can post to him if you desire.

Best of luck to you.

goodguy007,

I am a guy ... I didn't salvage my M so take my opinion with grain of salt. I did plan A and she did NC on me and filed however plan A bring and shine the part that I was negelecting and don't know I have them in me all along.

You can't focus on her and you can't violate her boundry. Away from you probably is a good thing right now. It gives you less chances to LB and less "hurt". You should have in mind "I set you free and seek what you are looking for; I beleive that we could make it if you are willing but there is no gurantee that I will wait FOREVER". When there are misbeleive in M that comes from years of hurt (she might not be honest about it & let you know) It is hard. You should hope that OM is away since it would add the fuel to it. Address one by one all the issues and hope she would comes out the fog before you taker kicks in. Remember plan A is for her to "see" that you could change or changed ... it would be nice if you could show it to her in person but as long as she is aware about it, you reach you goal.

-rh-