Thanks to Star*fish for showing me how to edit so that I could change title!

I thought of posting under "Just found out" but I didn't just find out, so I'm a bit confused as to where I should put this.

We've been married 11 years and have 2 beautiful daughters - 9 & 5. D-Day was 2 Sept 2002. It didn't come as a huge shock - I had picked up 2 voice mail messages on 7 June. I suppose I should start at the beginning. So much has happened that sometimes I battle to see straight.

I never answer UH mobile, but that night he was in the shower, phone rang and I was taking it to him, but answered it on the way. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the voice of a very drunk woman saying "I love you, I wish you were in my arms" The 2nd one was indecipherable. He saw the colour drain from my face, I asked him what this was, he said he had no idea - must be a wrong number. Later that night he said that he was so unhappy. I asked if it was me/our marriage that he was unhappy with, and he said NO! I asked him if he was having an affair and he said NO! He then said that it was his job. That is another whole long story that seriously contributed to him having an affair in the first place. I'll be brief here if I can. We are currently living in a small Middle Eastern country. It is our 6th country in 7 years. The place before this was UK. My UH had accepted a job there after working for the same co for 15 years. We thought it would be a great life for us.

He met this woman at work, her BH also worked with him. They became friends, and then somewhere along the line she talked to him about her unhappy marriage, and he obviously told her about his. I was oblivious. Around the end of Jan 2002 the PA started. They got together whenever they could, usually on business trips - he's an exec and has always travelled in his job.

We bought a house in March, finally owned it in June. I threw myself into renovating it, thought I was going to create the perfect home for us. In June I picked up the VM's. I think I suffered from ostrich syndrome after the messages. We have gone through so much together, I couldn't imagine him even looking at another woman. On 30 October we went to see some friends and on the way he started talking about our marriage, and asked questions like, "why don't I wake up in the morning and say Hello my gorgeous, sexy wife? Alarm bells went off and the next day I wrote him a long letter, telling him about how I felt about him as a person, a husband and lover. At the end I said that I would always love him, but if it was his freedom that he wanted, he could have it. The very next night he sat me down and said "I haven't been honest with you. I'm having an affair" He told me who it was with and how long it had been going on for. I was devastated. I cried and cried and said that I love him, that I had neglected him and could we rescue our marriage. Was he prepared to give it another go. He said yes, he said how sorry he was, and that he would end it. In light of this he took a job in another country and moved there mid-October.

The roller-coaster ride was just beginning. Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec we talked, we cried together, we fought - it was pure H-E-L-L! Sadly he didn't go NC, inspite of that being my only demand. The contact was on/off. He is in love with this woman and with me. She now lives 6000 miles away. He says there is NC, but I'm doubltful.

Yesterday was a very bad day, we had been making so much progress. He was about to go on a business trip that I've been dreading. 11 days away, 3 of those in LONDON (where she lives.)

Our 9 year-old came to me and asked "What does L-Y mean?" I told her it means "Love You". I eventually found out why she wanted to know, she was obviously upset, and didn't want to say. (She knows what has been going on because I caught him out visiting OW in Malaga where she was holidaying and I was packing up our home. I said I was leaving him and told the girls. He convinced me to stay.) Anyway, D-9 told me that daddy had been on the phone and said L-Y. I told him about it in the nicest possible way, said I don't want to start anything, I just want you to know what has happened. He said there was no way he said that (a known code) and D-9 must have heard wrong, but talked to her about it and settled things with her. We talked a bit last night, and he says he feels a barrier between us now. He left this morning and called from the airport. When he called I said that I was thinking that at least he wouldn't have to put up with me for 11 days. He just said why do you do it? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!! He called from Heathrow, en route to his meeting, was very indifferent. I have been stewing all day. I've convinced myself that he is with her.

I just don't know what to do. It's all so complicated. We're expats, kicking him out is not so simple. I have not many friends, certainly none that I could talk to about this. He won't do MC - doesn't believe in that sh*t. Family know, but think it's all in the past. I'm a wreck.

I am so sorry that this is so long and rambling. There is so much more to tell, but I'd be here all night. (Not that I've got anything better to do!) Thank you to those who bothered to read it all. I just needed to unload. Some contructive comments would be welcome. I LOVE my husband with all my heart, I just don't know what to do. Leaving him, which I don't want, would mean the 8th school for D(9) and 3rd for D(5)!!!!!!! HELP

Vital stats:
Me BW 39
Him UH 37
D-9,D-5
Her MOW 43
BH 45ish
D-2/3
D-Day 2 Sept 2002
Ongoing saga

<small>[ June 24, 2003, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: Jackie O ]</small>

Jackie,

Welcome to MB. Posting under JFO is not just for those who just found out but even for those new to MB. No hard fast rules here. Your post is welcomed.

I am sorry you are here under such duress. Please take some time to read the concepts section above. If you can get ahold of the books surviving an affair and his needs/her needs, then it will help. Do you have a good MC? You may need to get you and the children into counseling. At least look into it.

Your H has hooked up with a woman already filled with problems. Learn patience, pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Then sit back and watch.

I don't believe the A will last, since the OW is already a problem child. However, your attempts to stop it may further the A, so let's get you to a point where you will find wiser ways to handle this situation. ok?

Read and let us know what you think.

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid, for your reply. We're not in MC, because he won't do it and scoffs at the thought of me doing it. He takes the mickey about me looking at forums such as these. Can't relate.
I must say that I'm worried about our eldest. She is extremely insecure about our marriage - her worst fear is that we may split. Reason enough to make a proper go of it, I think.

I've read a lot about affairs, how to recover,etc. The problem is that he is still in the fog that I've read about, I suspect. He swears that he has nothing to hide, yet I still have doubts.

I've been through some horrible situations. Eg: The night before I left UK to join my UH (day before my birthday, had a sick child) she turned up at the hotel to meet me. Completely uninvited. My curiosity got the better of me and I left the girls in the room and met her. She wanted me to see that she is not a monster! Had the cheek to produce a photo of her little girl. I was floored, and told her that I don't care one bit about her, her situation or anything about her. She proceeded to tell me how terrible MY marriage was, to which I responded "It was not for YOU to step in and fix MY marriage, concentrate on YOUR marriage, or find a single man that wants to have an affair with a married woman!"

I know that I'm not very patient - I want this OVER, I wear my heart on my sleeve and find it very hard to hide my emotions. He knows the minute I've been snooping and found something. I'm too honest for my own good! I'd make a useless detective. The scary part is that I know he loves her, and I know he loves me. Our sex-life has never been better. He's told me that his affair wasn't about sex, although it did happen. She's apparently left her husband.

At the moment I'm so down I think he's going to get home from this trip and say it's over. What a mess.

Thanks for reading.

Jackie,

U have met a very manipulative woman. Be wary of her and put up all your defense (children included). Yes, your H does sound foggy but don't let that stop you from going to an MC (by yourself if needed) and get help for your children.

How to get him to buy off on that? Well let's teach you a bit of what I call reverse babble. This is when you use the words thrown at you but the WS or OW." [/b]

"She wanted me to see that she is not a monster! Had the cheek to produce a photo of her little girl. I was floored, and told her that I don't care one bit about her, her situation or anything about her. She proceeded to tell me how terrible MY marriage was, to which I responded "It was not for YOU to step in and fix MY marriage, concentrate on YOUR marriage, or find a single man that wants to have an affair with a married woman!"

Ok based on the above you can tell your H something like.

'well U know how you NOT having an A? Well this OW person would be the worst to have an A with but since she knows sooo much about your version of our H, even she admits we need counseling. Now I realize she is not creditable so all her jibber jabber has been thrown out the window. The children and I are going to see a professional counselor.

If you want 'amatuer adivce from a bimbo', that's your choice but the life of my children are way too precious to allow a bimbo like OW to give us advice.'

Practice....something like that.

Now what will you accomplish?

1. Possible LB.
2. Let him know you and the children are aware he is having an A.
3. All are now aware he is telling his family's issues to bimbos.
4. You have established the OW has no crediability.
5. Embaress him into allowing you and the children to seek help.
6. May help him to get help or may not.... this one is iffy since he is in the fog.

take care, there could be more setbacks. Learn to take life's lemons and make them into lemonade.

Hugz,
L.

Jackie,

My H works for an oil service company and I have been living all over the world. My youngest is five...he's been to three kindergartens, been in three forced evacuations and two coup d'etats. Oh the joys of living in the third world! He has to travel ALOT and there is never a shortage of women who would love to sink their claws into an expat. I have been where you are....a couple of times. My marriage has survived....that's the message I want to give you....because it's important to know that you can get past these issues. Please keep posting, and if you want to email me directly....it's starfish4729@hotmail.com

Don't give up. It sounds like you have a particularly nervy OW to deal with, but there is some excellent advice available here to end this affair and help you rebuild your marriage. I've always thought my husbands first mistress....his job....was as much responsible for the other ones as anything else. He's always said I am a wonderful wife and he doesn't deserve me....but these long separations are a special challenge. Good luck to you.

I too was an expat - and a SAHD - my wife had the job - and the affair. The process for recovery is the same wherever you are, but the frequent travel and high stress in many expat-type jobs make recovery more difficult, and not matter what the circumstances, it takes two to recover, and it sounds like your H is not interested. Click on the link in my signature line to get a Harley-like take on things, from someone who is in recovery.

Hi All,
Thanks for your responses, all greatly appreciated. It's amazing how many people there are in this world in the same/similar boat!
Orchid, I appreciate your comments on babble, but HE never tells what OW said/says. The OW stuff comes from what she said to me personally and what she wrote to him in a whole pile of letters and e-mails that I found and read (then left on the lounge floor so that he could see that what I'd done - he went crazy!)
I think I've become obsessive about her. He's called every day since he left and has been very kind and loving on the phone - told me he loves me for the first time in 6 weeks. For me that's progress. My instincts are normally pretty good and I can pick up from his voice if he's been up to no good. That sounds naive, I know, added to the fact that he's become a consumate liar, but I need some hope to cling onto.
When he gets back I'll talk to him about MC and IC for me and our eldest. The little one is oblivious, so I don't want to start something there.
Unfortunately councelling is something new for us, it's not common for people to do that where we come from. Stiff upper lip, get on with it, etc sort of attitude.
John39: I sincerely hope that you are WRONG! I think he IS interested, but confused. Surely if he wasn't interested we would not be together after all this time? - it's 18 mos since A started and we've lived here for 6mos now. I don't know for sure if he's seen her in that time, but I don't think so.

I have to say - I have been reading so much here, and have found a great deal of inspiration. I had been to another site and found that there was a lot of bickering there and really didn't feel comfortable. I don't honestly feel comfortable here yet either, but I get much more positive vibes here. It's not all about "getting" the OW, it's about fighting for your marriage and for your family.

That's exactly what I'm about. I will not give up. I KNOW he loves me. I know I'm in the best possible position in that he lives with ME, yet because of the distance (6000 miles) I also feel that there is a huge fantasy element at play here.

The last time I checked his mobile there was no record of a call to or from OW, which is encouraging. That was before he went on this trip.
I have absolutely no access to mobile phone bills - it all goes to the office.

I have decided, and have already started, to Plan A like my life depends on it.

*HOWEVER*

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am very emotional at the best of times, cry very easily - what do you think I should do when I well up? (I mean even before D-Day, since childhood!)</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Should I still be doing things like checking his phone?</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I find stuff (evidence of contact) I freak out and confront him. Now even an ameteur like me knows that that has got to be a major LB! What should/could I be doing better?</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is particularly needy at the moment, having been made redundant and apparently leaving BH.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is definitely an element of guilt on UH part re A and her M, although she was the one who persued my UH (Not getting ENs met at home)</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I gather that I need to set a time limit for Plan A, but Plan B would be SOOOOO dramatic - I mean take the girls to another country- that I don't think I could go down that road and save my children's emotional future.
All input gratefully received. Thank you for taking the time to read. I have finally realised that It's o.k. to come here and let off steam and not be lectured!

Jackie,

I got your thread as I was getting ready to leave so I have to keep it short. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You are doing good but unfortunately, suffering from what most BS go through. Don't fight those tears and emotional upheavels. Work with them. Use this place as your venting tool for now. Keep a journal and read up on those MB books. His needs/Her needs is a good one.

Let us know how you are doing. Take the EN questionnaire even if it is just by yourself.

BS need OP info. Depending on the BS emotional level it may be too much info at once.

take care,
L.

Orchid, you're a darling! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks for the support.

Orchid, something I forgot is that there is a major time difference between me and USA. It's past midnight for me and I need to be up at 6-30 to get the girls to school!!! When you have time, please would you go through my last post in more detail - you seem so good at that! Thanks, Jackie.

Jackie O

remember that plan A is all about making small changes in you that make you a better person and stronger in being the person you want to be.

Also remember that all marriages those with and with out indifelity are filled with patterns and styles of communication and conflict resolution some which have served couples well and work and others that are just not working for ya..

Plan A is a good time to look at those patterns that aren't working and your role in them and how and where you can change them.

Plan A also assists you in getting control over you and letting go of attempting to change the things that you can not.

It is a plan that assists in empowering you in setting limits and boundaries on what you find tolerable and intolerable in your life and communicate these boundaries in way which deflate others ability to find fault with them.

Small small changes is the place to start.

FIRST I will give you grave warning that attempting to heal from infidelity without good council is dangerous...to many people come to this forum in pain years and years after the infraction took place...but attmepts to stuff the feelings and emotions failed and wreak havic...

Consider seeking council through MB which can be done via phone.

Also plan A is all about seeking counciling even if when the spouse refuses...plan A is about you..

Look also at your emotional responses you are prone to and see if you can't work really really hard at getting yourself in better control...the good news is that you CAN....the bad news is that new things can be difficult and even scarey..but each time you face your husband and keep control of your emotions...the next time become easier...

this may serve you well...because it is what he expects...he EXPECTs you to be all emotinal and upset...to the point that it probably has no effect on him...want to get his attention address an issue and keep good control...he'll notice i promise...
People always notice when their spouses do something unexpected.

YOU SAID
told me he loves me for the first time in 6 weeks. For me that's progress. My instincts are normally pretty good and I can pick up from his voice if he's been up to no good. That sounds naive, I know, added to the fact that he's become a consumate liar, but I need some hope to cling onto.
Jackie learn now and learn quickly NOT to let moments pass you by in which you speak your expectations and limits...

He says I love you...you immediately come back how much you appreciate hearing that and how much you want that...BUT that you also know that love is action and that you hope all his actions spleak his love as well as his words...
Is that an LB....sometimes the WS will take it as thus...BUT it also the truth....

much luck to you
ARK

Actually, I'm going to disagree with Ark just slightly here....because Plan A is really not about you. Here is a quote from cerri who does alot of MB counseling and has her own site. It's very helpful information.

Plan A as Harley meant it to be...

Plan A is not (repeat NOT) about making the WS happy, or feeling good.

Plan A is NOT, contrary to popular (and very incorrect opinion), about "making yourself a better person," or "working on yourself."

Plan A is ALL ABOUT the straying spouse. In Willard Harely's ever brilliant words, Plan A is a stategy to end the affair and to entice the straying spouse to reconsider the marriage.

So, it has several elements that should be done at the same time.

First is to eliminate LBers and to meet needs as best you can... recognizing that the unfaithful mate may not allow the betrayed partner to meet needs.

Second is to CONFRONT the unfaithful partner with what you know. Doing so (of course) in a way that is respectful and about you... how you feel, how you are affected by the affair.

Third is to expose the affair to the scrutiny of the world. The lover's spouse or s/o, coworkers, family, friends, church family, children, etc.

ALL OF THAT is Plan A. And it should be done as much as possible simultaneously. (If you don't believe me call the radio show Mondays and Thursdays at 1pm Central Time and ask Dr. Harley for yourself.)

Plan A must have a deadline. It's called Plan "A" because there is a second step... aptly named Plan "B." Willard Harley suggests a max of 6 months for men and 3 months for women before going to the next step. If Plan A hasn't worked in that time, it's not going to.

(I challenge you to find anyone who has done Plan A longer than that and been successful. I define successful as the A ending, n/c promised and verified, and the couple working a good recovery plan which includes meeting needs, eliminating LBers, getting in 15 hours a week of UAT, and most importantly following POJA.)
--

--
Plan A is not about being a nice guy. Plan A is about ending the affair.... being a nice guy is part of that, but only part. That's why confronting and exposing are crucial elements of Plan A... and if you're not doing those things then you can't really say that you're doing Plan A.

Now let me address some of your questions.

I am very emotional at the best of times, cry very easily - what do you think I should do when I well up? (I mean even before D-Day, since childhood!)

I'm really emotional too, but as you suspect, appearing needy, clingy, and weepy are not the things that will help you. You can't keep your eyes from tearing, but as much as possible....try to remember that you want marriage to you to be an attractive alternative to the A....not an emotional scene at each encounter. It's very hard...but do your best. This does not mean you should be dishonest about the pain this causes you....honesty is important and if there are tears with that...don't beat yourself up.

Should I still be doing things like checking his phone?

I would, and I would be honest about that fact that you are going to...because you need to build trust and accountability.

When I find stuff (evidence of contact) I freak out and confront him. Now even an ameteur like me knows that that has got to be a major LB! What should/could I be doing better?

Well freaking out is a huge LB....but confrontation isn't. You can tell your H that you know and how it makes you feel....but LBs are the biggest problem for a Plan A...it is absolutely essential that there are no disrespectful judgements, angry outbursts etc. Again, easier said than done...but do your best so that when or if it's time for Plan B you have left your H with the best Plan A you can do.

She is particularly needy at the moment, having been made redundant and apparently leaving BH.
There is definitely an element of guilt on UH part re A and her M, although she was the one who persued my UH (Not getting ENs met at home)

Great!!! Let her make the LBs while you remain the better choice.

Unfortunately Plan A is all about your spouse...meeting Ens, stopping LBs....but it requires changes in you!. It doesn't protect you, and can become difficult, so a time limit is essential. Harley recommends women do one for no longer than 3 months. You don't want to end up with a cake eater....a husband who happily gets his needs met at home or with OW....that will not end the affair.

Good Luck, I will check back when the time allows!! Also, I counseled with the Harleys from overseas....you can too! They are the real experts. ((((((jackie))))))))

~~~~~~

Thanks for the input. I'm a bit confused because I'm getting different interpretations of Plan A, but my understanding is that I need to make M to me look more attractive than A/life with OW. (?)

Okay, so a bit about H. He is not a talker, and my bringing up the subject is a major LB. He says there is NC, so that's it, nothing to talk about. I was hoping that by Plan A I could win him over and she would become a thing of the past. This has been going on for almost 10 months, we need to move on. The 1st 4 months of this year we made enormous progress. In May he lied to me about a trip (nothing to do with A.) I immediately became suspicious, checked his phone, confronted ..... and all hell broke loose! She HAD called him about being made redundant, and leaving BH. H said he couldn't turn his back on her when she was in a crisis. He said that he handled the situation and I opened the door for her by calling her and leaving a VM saying stay away from my husband! STUPID! He challenged me and I fell for it and acted out. That night he also told me that he still loves her, but that he also loves me, that is why we are together here. One thing that gave me hope, and probably why I haven't left him is that she said "If I could only get on a plane and come to you, you would make everything fine" His response was "No, I can't fix anything for you." I just wish she would leave him alone, she is the one who persues him, and he's too much of a softie to ignore her. He feels that I'm putting him under pressure when I talk about OW, he's told me that it will push him towards her.

As for exposure ... if I was to do that my M would be OVER. I know him so well! There are a few that know, but it's not a subject for conversation. NO-ONE here knows.

So now you will think that I'm living in cloud -cuckoo land, head in the sand hoping it will all go away. Well, I probably am. Sometimes I think I love this man so desperately I'll do anything - be 2nd best - just to be with him. Then I think NO WAY. I don't deserve this. I'm sorry if you think I'm wasting your time. I appreciate your input. It's going to be quite some time before I get to have a proper talk to H, he's away for another week, than again for 3 days, and then 2 days after that! Half my problem is my imagination - it runs away with me. I'm usually so optimistic and able to cope, just not where it comes to my H and OW.

One of my deepest wishes is to be able to trust him like I did before - unconditionaly. But that's how he managed to get away with A for so long, so that's unlikely.

One more thing - it will be Plan A or D. If I left, that would be it, my choice. There's no way I'm dragging my girls halfway around the globe, only to bring them back again. He adores those girls and I think that was a huge factor in his willingness to give M another go. They would be devastated if we split and he knows that. I'm going to use that to my advantage. I'm rambling so I'll post this as is

Jackie

consider carefully. Plan A is called that because plan B is the logical follow on. Otherwise it would just be 'the plan'. Harley points out that most times it is necessary to move to plan B to end the A. If you are prepared to plan A for 10 months then obviously the marriage is important to you. If so, then you need to plan B also. Do you need to move across the world for plan B. Can you not move somewhere else locally? Even if you do have to move - let him come back to you rather than vice versa.

Consider carefully also why you are not exposing the A. A's thrive on secrecy. If your WH values this more than your marriage then you don't have much of a marriage and another A is likely IMO. I would certainly look to expose if and when you move to plan B. My (naive) impression is that you are at the point now where you need to move.

Hopefully some of the more experienced and knowledgeable people will be along soon to give you better guidance.

Jackie,

It sounds like ark and I are disagreeing, but we actually aren't. Working on you....in the sense that you adopt a less needy, weepy approach to your marriage.....is always a good thing. But the idea is to make your marriage more attractive than the affair....so NO LBs...NONE!!! If looking attractive and getting some detachment helps...and it will...do it. But Plan A is not for you...it's for him and about what he needs. Have no expectations about getting your needs met....but if he gets comfortable in the position having two women filling his needs....there is a real danger that he won't choose at all. The biggest mistake women make is doing a Plan A for too long, and losing the advantage of all the care they give.

Star*fish, I understand that, but she lives 6000 miles away, surely she can't realistically sustain over that distance. I know that before we moved she put him under pressure to choose, to make up his mind. LB I'd say. If she keeps that up and I'm plan A-ing, it would make his choice easier?

Salerio, I HAVEN'T been doing Plan A for 10 months!! I've been doing a lot of LBing!! I only just found MB and am learning about Plan A & B as well as LBs.
As far as Plan B goes - read the beginning of this thread where I try to explain our situation.
And exposing to co-workers, friends, etc would push him away. There is plenty of guilt on his side, it would be LB BIG TIME!!!! He understands why those that know were told and is fine with it, I don't want to humiliate him at work.

ok Jackie

I have read your thread fully now. Exposing is not LB-ing. It is a necessary part of ending the A. That doesn't mean you tell everyone you meet. But you do tell people who might support him your side of the story. You tell people who might influence him. Can you talk to someone in his company, the consulate or embassy etc to get some help. You need to have the option of moving out if you want to go to plan B. You have to be prepared for it. That might mean returning to the UK.
Have you contacted OW's H? Can you do this?

Listen to what Ark, Orchid and Star*fish say. you don't build up those sort of post counts without having some sort of idea what you're talking about!

Solario
I am learning SO much from these people, but it is a lot to absorb and act on all at once! I'm trying to understand my options from all angles.

Re Plan B - I would CERTAINLY NOT move out, what we have spoken about is for H to move out. Where is a problem though. Anyway, I'm not there yet, so I don't really want to get into the nitty gritties now. Mentally I am preparing myself.

BH contacted me in November 2002. H nearly had a fit! It didn't help me one bit though - BH is completely powerless over OW, he's a jibbering idiot and has NO clue as to what to do about her. All she sees is my H, completely selfish. She's moved out, so he has even less influence now.

No one influences my H, other than me, the girls and OW! He is very stubborn. He knows that what he's done is wrong - that's why I think Plan A is the best option. If I had found this site on DDay things might have taken a different course, but I didn't and now I'm trying to repair all the mistakes I made. Anyway, there are a lot of things that I did right too - so it's not all doom and gloom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have enormous hope that we will sort through this mess. I'm finding this site a wonderful place to learn and to vent. Thanks for your input.

Oops ....sorry! I spelled your name wrong Salerio!
PS: The UK is not actually home, and it IS halfway across the world from here. Don't want to go into detail about locations if that's okay.