Well, just got off the phone with my separated and withdrawn wife. We were discussing needing to change weekend schedule for being with our daughter. She said she had "plans" the weekend of Oct 9. Due to work (she has been oncall) every weekend she does not have daughter,up to this point she has been in town all the time. I highly suspect that is an out of towner with the OM....Ugh... I know this is suppossed to happen, but I hate that feeling that life is just going on as usual for her and her new love affair. Great now I can spend time thinking about where they may be making memories. Like shattered, chris, and rutger, I really hate this waiting period. K and SHA have been a big help though. I will get over this I'm sure also. Any ideas on how to not think about that weekend so much? I am doing so much Plan A, with no progress (as expected) I need some other ideas.

izzy,<P>Yeah, it's a bummer. The waiting is so difficult. You are waiting for the affair to die. It will. Wish I could tell you when. Show her you are someone she can be with & trust. No lovebusters!<P>You will get over it. Follow the plans & you will come out much better than just living minute to minute. Work on the relationship skills on this site and in LoveBusters, the book.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

izzy, <P>I know what you're going through. It seems like when things couldn't get worse, they do. I'm sorry. Believe it or not, God is molding you into a "new and improved" man. It's not fair, it's not right, and you wonder when it's going to stop - I know. Our character is strengthened through adversity. You are being tested now. First and foremeost help your daughter through this. While mom is off in her own world, your daughter will need you more than ever (you will need her too). <P>I would plan something very special with your daughter. Your mind is going to wonder I'm sure, but also keep in mind that we often think things are much worse than they really are. So, take your thoughts captive and don't let your mind run wild. If she is going out of town with OM, guilt will start working of her - big time. You may not see it for a while, but read the posts from these other ladies who were in the same boat as your wife. The guilt eats a way at them. <P>Keep up the plan A. Expect no progress for some time. What you're doing is making a dent and/or at least causing conflict in her mind. Don't wavier. <P>God bless you and your daughter as you travel through this dark pit. There is a way out, it usually just takes a long time to find it. <P>You'll get there izzy.<P>SHA <P>SHA

Find something to do with your daughter that she and you both can enjoy. You have to keep busy, make things fun for your daughter and forget about your w. Only time will help.

Izzy - <P>Hey buddy. I know exactly how you feel. My wife went to San Francisco (where WE fell in love) the 2nd week she moved out of the house. The 3rd week, W went to her father's cabin (where I proposed to her 6 years ago). Even worse, W went to Eurpoe with OM two weeks ago for a 10 day vacation (W and I used to live in Europe - Paris actually). I know how the images just eat away at your gut. I physically get sick to my stomach...even now if I think about it.<P>Time, I hear, takes the edge off. (What am I saying, you and I are on the same timeline almost exactly). Nothing sucks as much as the wait. Has your W filed for divorce? Count your blessings if she hasn't. Mine did about 2 weeks ago. Yesterday, she came by to pick up her fall & winter clothes...she intends to be away for quite a bit longer.<P>I think, maybe, because you are in Plan A, the imagery is worse. My W left before disclosure so I had no time for Plan A. I'm in Plan B, but only because she moved out. I think that because you see her more than I see my W, there is a constant reminder of her with the OM. Maybe because my W is gone, the images fade quicker. I don't know.<P>How spiritual are you Izzy? I found that leaning on the Lord is a GREAT help. I had never done it before - my sister in law helped me get close with Christ. IT REALLY WORKS!!!<P>Chris - <P>You are an incredible inspiration to me. I think you have it worse than me, Izzy or Rutger. Even though my W is living with OM, she is still in town. You have incredible fortitude...I really admire your strength.<P>SHA -<P>We've been trading posts to each other on different threads all day. I really admire you too. I think it was on Izzy's post about plan A but I asked you several questions. Any chance you can reply to them? Either here of on that post. I'd really appreciate it.<P>God help us and guide us through this dark valley. Like SHA said, we are all growing through this pain - Gid IS molding us. Remember, if His will is not for us to reconcile with our wive's, He will deliver on His promise to each of us for something even better. We will all know what that is when it happens. God bless all of us here.

rwd - thanks for your support, any update on your situation? I have found it very hard to believe mothers could choose to live away from children. Even yesterday when W and I were discussing weekend plans she was trying to make sure not to lose days with our daughter. That is one advantage that hopefully will work in my favor eventually, family is very important to both of us. A part of her is trying to justify that it is okay to see daughter half time and that she can live with that. I know I don't like it, and have made plans in the back of my mind if we have to divorce and the OM is still in the picture, I will file for sole custody (no way , I can allow (if I can help it) for my daughter to be raised in anyway by the OM)<P>Shattered and SHA - also thanks for the advice and yes I am a Christian (so is wife, but I understand those values get tossed in affairs). I am working my way back to God and yes it has helped. I am not all the way back yet, though. Actually I am doing lots of special things with my daughter because I dont like staying in our home with her (lots of memories). Running out of non duplicating events, and also out of money (tight budget, with wife moved out). Any unique ideas?<P>Chris - YOU ARE THE MAN ! I really mean that. Your support and advise has always been great and knowing your situation makes me feel (sorry for you) that my situation could be worse. You are a rock, and I concur with the other women on this forum that if it turns out your wife does not come back, many women will lineup for you. I am working on myself to get there also.<p>[This message has been edited by izzy (edited September 15, 1999).]

Izzy,<P>I just wanted to thank you for posting a message to DHJ. You did a much better job<BR>than I could have ever done, in providing<BR>a positive tone and some genuine, caring<BR>help advise. I hope you will encourage<BR>others to respond to him as well. I wish <BR>I could say something/anything to help you!<BR>