Given that our spouses affairs requied our spouses to in many cases change thier morals and values would they after making those changes begin to see the people and world around them as people of simmilar convictions?

Because the unfaithfull spouse has created and lived in a world based on control, deception, manipulation, lies etc do they begin to think that everyone around them is the same? And if so is this why it takes so much time (until they decided to return to the real world) for them to relize that thier faithfull spouses, family and friends still care for and love them and good things can happen in thier lives.

Does anyone have feedback around this theory to add from thier Unfaithfull spouse perspective.

A great question! I hope someone answers - because I would sure like to know - why it takes so long? and is there anything that can help the process along???

GG007-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Because the unfaithfull spouse has created and lived in a world based on control, deception, manipulation, lies etc do they begin to think that everyone around them is the same? And if so is this why it takes so much time (until they decided to return to the real world) for them to relize that thier faithfull spouses, family and friends still care for and love them and good things can happen in thier lives.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm certainly no expert, but I will share with you what was going through my mind then.

Yes to the control question. Basically, the WP experiences the same kind of paranoia that a drug addict feels. Everyone is out to get them, no one but OP is safe...even OP can't be 100% trusted. ETC.

It takes them a long time because it literally is an addiction. Exactly the same reason a junkie can't simply walk away from heroin even though they know it's killing them.

For me, I felt that no one cared if I lived or died. I had to hit bottom in order to hear God calling me. Once I felt my soul fill up, I was able to face all of the fear inside and start turning my life around.

Hope it helped.

I think what is excellent at moving this process along....is an excellent Plan A...in fact, the more perfect the plan you do...the best chance you have of shortening their time in LA LA Land. Plan A was designed to help bring the WS out of the fog and recognize the strengths of the marriage...the reasons for returning. During the euphoria of infatuation of an A....it's easy for the WS to forget everything...including that they once felt those same things with their husband/wife.

I think they do gg...project their failings onto others to rationalize their sins and loss of morality...all part of the fog they live in.I think it takes alot of time because those intial highs that the A produces are chemical and quite profound. In does take time for them to come back down to earth, and when they do...well they are often shocked at the havoc they have wreaked.

This was posted on the recovery board a while back and I found it quite interesting, it is very long but so worth the read!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=010537

DAYBREAK,
Thank you thank you, that is am amazing post! I am feeling sorry for my H at this point. I realized he was a "sick" person when I reallized he is a pathelogial offender and liar. He is breaking my heart. I feel truly bad for the well-being of the viscious cycle my H has gotten him self into. And there is nothing I can do for him until he starts to walk out of the fog himself. I am a committed wife, I love him dearly. I want, with all of my heart, to spend the restof my life with this man. Sick but true. I am not taking any of his affirs personally, I am not taking his lying personally. I know I have responsibility in this whole mess. I will work on me and hopefully shine as some sort of homing beacon for my H. I want my husband to feel whole and balanced again!