This is Mrs. Funk (formerly inafunk). After many months of separation (I moved out permanently in November 2002), I am happy to announce that Mr. Funk (formerly funkedup) and I are on our way to recovery.

We had many attempts to reconcile, but constantly butted heads along the way. It seemed that he could not stop throwing OM in my face. All it did was push me away. His constant assumptions, accusations, questions would do nothing but make me not want to be around him. He said I did not give him loving feelings. I could not show those feelings when I felt constantly attacked, or backed into a corner.

We both dated others for months. I have not had any contact with OM since January 2003, and I'm all the better for it.

H went on a vacation which brought him the decision that he wanted to move on with divorce. He was positive. I had never heard him so positive about this, ever. I knew this was it. I cried hard when he told me this, but I quickly came to a calm when we got off the phone, and I knew that somehow everything would be OK.

About a week later, H called to say he left a box of things on my doorstep. It was all our wedding photos, etc. He said he was really upset as he went through them, and couldn't believe that I thought we were unhappy. He wanted me to go thru them and see just how happy we were.

I refused to go thru them and torture myself, since he was so sure about divorce...what was the point? Then we started talking more & more. Somehow, his attitude had changed, and in turn, so did mine. His more lenient approach to everything made me want to make him feel more secure about us.

It's been a few weeks, and we are now spending every night together, cooking dinners together, making home improvement plans, and even talking about starting a family. I moved most of my clothes and toiletries back in, so I don't have to go back to my place everyday.

I just wanted to send some hope out there for all the MBers who might think it looks hopeless. I am quickly falling back in love with my husband...he is an incredible man, and I feel like the luckiest girl on earth to know that he is still with me, and still loves me after the hell I put him through.

Thanks to MB for all your great advice.

Well, well! It's the Funks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm so glad 2 hear this news! I think it's important 2 remember that recovery can be hard, 2. But it sounds like this is real this time?

Again, good 2 hear from you 2 again. All my best,
♥2long

Thanks for posting this. The hope that I have has been affirmed in your experience. I just found out about my wife last week....she told me she was leaving me, but she hasn't and i hope she never does.

I am incredibly happy for you! I am trying right now to make my wife feel like you feel....I have done it before, and I just know that I can do it again.

Determined,

-Floored32

That's great news. Are you and Mr Funk following a marital plan of recovery?

2Long! Thanks for the kind words <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Floored, best of luck to you...don't give up hope!

TMCM: We are not following any "plan", per se. Is there something you suggest? We're pretty much taking things day by day right now, improving our sex life, our styles of communication, our emotional connection, etc. We're sometimes having trouble, i.e. him looking at my phone without asking, and some other insecurities on his part (is he attractive to me, is he pleasing me sexually...), but I'm being much more tolerent and reassuring than I have been in the past.

Mrs Funk:

"We're pretty much taking things day by day right now, improving our sex life, our styles of communication, our emotional connection, etc."

There's certainly nothing wrong with this approach. Just be sure and ask for help (from a qualified therapist) if you feel you need it.

"We're sometimes having trouble, i.e. him looking at my phone without asking"

Try beating him 2 the punch? Like, show him the phone without him asking? Just a thought.

"and some other insecurities on his part (is he attractive to me, is he pleasing me sexually...), but I'm being much more tolerent and reassuring than I have been in the past."

Sounds familiar! Even if it's not justified, we all tend 2 do this, I believe. Here's where patience and caring will sustain you.

-2long

Dear Funk

You are deeply troubled by his questions. I perfectly understand this. At the same time he is very hurt and insecure by your infidelity. He desperately wants answers to se that you now are committed to the M, to the truth, and to him.
This is a classic problem among WS and BS. The WS is deeply troubled by talking of what they have done. The BS deeply needs to se the WS open and honest even with painful details, in order to see commitment and repentance.

The message that come through when you refuse to discuss what has been done is :
-I don’t regret what I did.
-This secret belongs to my OP and myself only. It is our private secret golden memory. I shall cherish it and keep it as a treasure in my hart.
Several other points in the same street is also comunicated as well. This may not be what you intend to communicate, but realise the position of your BS! As this message is read by the BS it is very destructive for their recovery and for your potential future. You must understand this!

Thus you should make a compromise so that both can recover. You on your hand need to feel safe from constantly being reminded of what you have done. He needs reassurance. So decide one day a week (or two). Let him put his questions in writing, so that you can prepare. Then meet at the appointed time and talk for the appointed period (Not more then 1 to 1.5 hours.) Then answer absolute truthfully. Be very honest!!! Then stop and wait for the next appointed time. Do not exceed the appointed time.

Your spouce will get reasurence. And the rest of the time you can feel safe.

<small>[ June 17, 2003, 11:10 AM: Message edited by: Frank57 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The Funks:

"TMCM: We are not following any "plan", per se. Is there something you suggest?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do think its important that you follow a plan otherwise you are just winging it and the destructive habits of old may have a chance to come back and then you may just find yourselve right back where you started from.

Please consider the two of you following The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage with The Policy Of Joint Agreement.

Remember that it is extremely hard when a person (or a couple) wants to change his/her bad habits for good ones and more so if s/he is not following a plan to accomplish that. Why not improved the odds in your favor?