I am new to this site but I am in a difficult position. I am in an affair with my best friend, who is my other best friends wife and she is my wife's best friend. We have known each other for years and finally expressed our true feelings even though we should not have. Both of our spouses have been unfaithful. How to we stop this affair without hurting each other or our spouses and keep our friendship because that is what is most important to us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How to we stop this affair without hurting each other or our spouses and keep our friendship because that is what is most important to us. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The short and only answer is that you cannot keep this friendship. You said the friendship is what is most important. Your marriages should be the first priority for both of you. Please read SAA or review the information on the website. The only way to even think of recovering from this A is NO CONTACT. You should tell your spouse what has been going on and work on your marriage. You described this person as your wife's best friend. I know it's hard to see this right now, but is this how both of you treat your friends normally? Is this how you want your friends to treat you? I think your concept of a friend is a bit distorted at the moment. You have written that both spouses have been unfaithful. That's a horrible thing, but it does not excuse your behavior. Only you can decide what your own morals and honor are worth.

Please stop doing this thing which is only hurting yourself, your wife, and the other married couple. There are a number of books on infidelity which are talked about on this board, and NONE of them recommend remaining friends with the OP. There's a reason for that. And please start marital counseling as soon as possible. Marriages can be rebuilt or destroyed, and your actions will decide which will happen.

my opinion, which you probably won't like, is:

1) You can't remain friends, as you have now crossed a line which can't be uncrossed.
2) You (both) have to decide to stop this affair
3) You (both) need to be honest with your spouses about what happened
4) The longer you delay the more difficult and painful it will be

You can't possibly remain friends and keep your marriage. Your other woman is no friend to your wife and it would be beyond cruel to maintain contact after what you have done to your wife. Your marriage might not survive this affair, it certainly wouldn't survive the added cruelty of remaining "friends" with your lover.

Your wife needs to know immediately what is going on. It is HER RIGHT TO KNOW what is going on in her own life. The next step will be to initiate NO CONTACT with the OW.

I am the bs of this kind of affair..So I will try to be nice,but this is a hard topic for me.
My advice, be truthful and yes ut will hurt your wife like hell.Nothing like feeling your losing 2 people all at once.Then run the other direction, there can be no friendship. How do you think the wife will feel if you keep hiding remain friends and down the road she finds out. If you want your marriage, cut it off and out of your life. Noone needs friends like this in their life. Be prepared for the pain in her eyes it will take time, but if you are serious and want you r marriage it can be done.

Dear bballplayer:

You have already received all the advice you should take. I am just going to encourage you to please read all the articles in this website, print out the questionnaires and do them and PLEASE, PLEASE, PlEASE buy Surviving an Affair which can be purchased by clicking on the Bookstore Link at the top of this page.

Also, please continue posting. You are in a deep "fog" and we all sincerely hope you "get it" soon.

Good Luck, and if you do what has been advised, you will "get it" soon.
DB

I am also the BS in a situation of this type. Please heed the advice given you thus far!! My H and ex BF are now living together. We have both had to sell our homes and start our lives over. Just remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side! You mentioned that you "expressed your true feelings for each other". I am just curious as to whether this has evolved into a physical affair. You can't even imagine the pain this will cause your family. Please end your relationship with this woman!! Don't put your wife through any more pain than she is already going to be put through. Friends don't do things like this to one another. My "friend" lived next door to me and our children were friends too. Now my H lives with her and her children. It is a horrible situation and is not fair to do to your wife (or to the OWs husband). I know you mentioned that they have both had affairs. Do you remember the pain you felt? Try tripling that...because that is what happens when the OP is a friend.
BH