There have been various behaviors on my husbands part to indicate he is not being faithful. I don't know if he has gone as far as the sex act, but behavior such as avoiding me when he is home. I go to one room he goes to another. He used to want sex three or more times a week, until I became sick with anxiety disorders and carpal tunnel or fibromyalgia symptoms and have much pain so he rarely approaches me any longer for sex, or even tells me he loves me or acts caring or thoughtful. He goes places "on errands" and does't come back for a long time and I have no way of knowing if he went to where he said he was going. I just don't like this feeling of not trusting him.
He converses in a playful way with our maid and he has been found in the back part of our house outside where her quarters are talking with her and once I found him looking in the little holes in the bottom of her bathroom door to see if she was in there because he was calling for her and our daughter and the light was on in the bathroom, but the door was locked and no one answered, therefore he was suspicious. When I saw him looking into the holes, imagine what went though my mind. THe other night after I had been asleep an hour, i got up and went to our back door to discover he was in just his shorts coming down from her room and said he was talking with her to try to straighten some unsettled issues with her and her family and ours before we started our counseling session the next day. I just hate feeling that he is not being honest. How can I handle this?

Have you asked your husband directly if he is being unfaithful, and if so, what's his reply??

hmmmm do you really need to have a maid..... I think I would be moving her out VERY quickly...

I hate to say this, but where there is smoke there is fire. Read here and you will see your H is at least having an emotional affair. You need to read about emotional needs. Are his and your EN (emotional needs) being met.

Get rid of the maid! She may be trying to take your place!

I started to suspect my H's affair-too late!

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. It sounds like you have reason to worry.

It's easy to find out - bug her room. Put one of those "Nanny cameras" in place, or use a tape recorder. Or if you don't think you can handle it yourself, hire a private investigator. Seems to me that the money you spend on a maid would be better spent on a P.I.

If those options don't appeal to you, then take the bull by the horns and ask him what's going on. Insist on going to marriage counseling. Talk to the maid. Get rid of the maid. Hire a butler!

Lots of things you can do. Get going and good luck!

Peace

Steve Harley himself told me "if you can't get rid of the drug, get rid of the drug dealer". I hate to tell you this but your H is acting exactly like my WS did, same behaviors. It may or may not be the maid but I would certainly get rid of her today and I would confront my H. Looking back, I so wish I had confronted my WS earlier when I had suspicions. I think it would have made a world of difference. I was in such denial. I just did not want to believe that it could be true.

Also read up on PLAN A on this board regarding how you might start meeting his needs better despite your illnesses.

Take Care. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.