Hi All, wanted to update the people that remember me:

Tomorrow (Tuesday - remember I'm in Oz), I will be divorced.

Its OK, I feel I'm at a point where I've dealt with all the really bad pain and at a stage where it affects me a fair bit less.

This week I will move out of my home (been here 9 years - 8 of which were with x-H). This is sad, but again, I am relieved to be 'moving on'.

So onward and upward in an improved life. A lot wiser, a new outlook and intent on having a great life. I will stay with my dad for six months, then I may come over your way to Mexico for a big holiday - SCUBA diving, surfing, horse riding and salsa dancing!

From there, well, I can go anywhere!

Thank you to all who got me through the really bad days. I appreciate it more than anything.

Chow!
Liz

Seahorse...

I've never replied to you but have followed your story a little on the thread I have had with unsureheart.

I am sorry you have gotten to the point where your D will be final but you seem to be managing well.

In a way I guess that's all we can do--try to manage the dissapointment and the pain that is involved.

So "onward & upward" it is and that's a good outlook to have.

Best wishes...

E

Liz,

The distance from Down Under to Mexico is huge compare to from Mexico to Northen California ... care to swing by ?. Many of us would be glad to get together w/ you ... Orchid for one. We could make WAT jealous <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Sorry about your M but as we all know, you would be fine & even thriving. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-rh-

Hi Liz,

You sound like you're doing great...

Congrats on getting to the other side of the abyss, you've EARNED your Dv...

PS, I'm in for the NC get-together RH!

Liz,

Ditto Rh's invite. Let us know where and when!!! Mexico is a bit of a ways from the Bay Area but if you swing up California in this area, we will make the time!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You will be closer to Cali, 2Long, Pepperband and a few others. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have fun in the sun and though I feel sad about your D, I am happy to see you move forward with all the grace and dignity you deserve.

Liz, I have a lot of respect for you and it is not just 'cuz you swam with the sharks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hugz,
L.

Hi Seahorse,

I know this is a little off topic, but since Orchid referred me to reading your old threads, and since there are some similarites between you and I....can you tell me what the turning point was for you, when you decided the right thing to do was to go through with a divorce, without that nagging feeling in your gut that makes you unsure of whether or not to proceed?

Or can you refer me to any old posts of yours that come from that point, when you made the decision to go ahead with a Dv?

Just curious,

Jen

Seahorse -- I am thinking of you today. Having roughly the same discovery day and following eachothers' posts for so long, I can honestly say to you that a) you did everything possible to try and save your M, b) you have grown so much personally over the last year in terms of taking control of your finances, learning new hobbies, looking hard at yourself, and coping with the death of your beloved mum, and c) you are a rare and beautiful star that will be cherished one day by a man with integrity, humor and passion.

Your soon to be ex (or ex maybe already) wasn't ready for the personal journey that he needs to take to have a truly fulfilling and loving relationship. You have done that work and will reap so much from a future relationship.

You know that I am almost at the point where you have gotten -- you always seem a few steps ahead of me.

Please let me know when you go to Mexico. We used to joke on the threads that we would get a tan and enjoy many margaritas. There are many here that would love to meet you and I do hope you would consider stopping en route somewhere in the U.S. California? Colorado? Las Vegas?

I know your mum would have been proud of all of you've done over the last year.

My best to you.

Hi All thanks for your wishes.

Elad you will be OK, keep hanging in there and looking ahead. You give good advice to USH and support her so much.

RH - you always know the 'right' thing to say. You advice is always good sense! I'm checking out the flights etc to California and where it is, etc. ITs actually a really good idea and would be a great stopover - let me work on this, it would be great to meet you all.

JR - thank you for your faith in me. Keep watching out on MB, I maybe up that way yet!

Orchid - you always have kind words for everyone. You are so strong and I admire you so much. Thank you for supporting me through it all.

USH - I am so glad to hear from you. I have been thinking about you a lot and hope you are coping well. I know you will do will and I believe you deserve only the best. We will be sipping Margharita's together yet - and I'll show you a few salsa moves (probably after the third or fourth Margharita)

Jen - there were a couple of things that happened that aided my decision to 'move on'.

One of course was see all the crap that exH dished out for what it was - plain disrespect and unloving. I realised he no longer loved me.

I couldn't do plan B, but I couldn't keep going like I was. I was changing, growing, finding myself. To keep loving and hanging onto something that was clearly gone would have kept me 'stuck' in a place I had no business being and certainly didn't want to be.

Thus was my second thing - do I stop my personal growth for him. I couldn't say yes so I had to say no.

Third was a friend who had been through something similar. We we talking about how denial and how somedays I felt like he still loved me and she said "yeah, and you think he's going to come back" - that sentence made me realise I was in denial big time. People could see what I refused to - he wasn't coming back anytime soon.

Fourth thing was a Dr Phil episode, of all things. It was about people who had been left by a SO and still wanted them back. Dr Phil kept saying to the guests "why do they have the choice to come back, you make the decision about who can and cannot be in your life". I was nearly at the point of giving up with it and I guess this pushed it. This type of dialogue is more consistent with who I am now. I make the decisions, no one else.

Finally, and I think this may have been on dr Phil too, the question was asked "If you were going to choose a mate for you, would you choose someone who would abandon you when the going gets rough, who would lie to you" - the answer was clearly "no".

I was worn out Jen, I was out of romantic love. He was making no effort to change but lapping up all the attention I was giving him but not giving much back. Clearly, it was over.

Good luck
I will keep you all posted re NC and my trip - I want to meet you all!

Liz

Dear Seahorse,
my admiration to your journey, and confidence and courage that you developed, and thank you once again for showing me strength, determination, and opportunity to grow personally now matter what the circumstances are.
And seriously, whenever you'll plan you trip to Mexico ( Cozumel?) I hope I could meet you too.
FBOW
If you are not tired of my thread, drop a line once in a while whenever you'll feel like it, to share your joys and experiences, please.

Seahorse, thank-you for sharing with me the reasons why you finally decided to Dv your H. My H dishes out disrespect, but feels entitled to do so since I'm the one that hurt him. I too worry that I am in denial at times. The difference in my situation is that I am the one that hurt my H, not the other way around, so it's a matter of him taking me back, not him coming back to me. I'm giving him a little bit longer to change his mind and reach out to me. I need to do that to feel like I've tried all that I can.

Jen

Seahorse,

It was good to read your update. I am glad things are going relatively well for you. I say relatively because I know that we both had an ultimate goal that we did not reach. But I know that we both tried as hard as we could. That makes things a lot easier when it's time to move on. I guess things just work out differently than we want or think they will sometimes.

I am doing well and I am so happy now. Things have just gotten better and better. I am dating someone very special and am ready to make some important steps forward. I need to find a career and get going to school.

I wish you all the best. If you're ever out Utah way let me know.

Sharon