Ok,
Here's my problem. Yesterday when my WH brought our S home, he was very sad and came to me crying. He said that he wanted to spend the night with his daddy.

Well my WH now lives with the OW and our S no longer spends the nigth with my WH. My WH use to live with his parents and I would alow him to spend the night there but, NOT at the OW home!!

Anways, I open the door to let our S in and he came to me and gave me a hug and started crying. He said, "I love you mommy, I want mommy & daddy back together."

It tears me up inside to hear him say that. And I just don't know what to say. We've never really talked to him about us getting a divorce. I don't think he really understands what's going on. He knows that we don't live together but he doesn't understand the concept of being married and getting a divorce. I have tried to explain to him that mommy and daddy aren't going to live together anymore.

What do I do? Should my WH and I talk to him? Should I just talk to him? Should my WH talk to him?

<small>[ June 24, 2003, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: STBXWife ]</small>

wife,

This is probably the hardest part of the whole affair thing and sadly I think the most overlooked. It is easy to diregard our spouses feelings because we think in some shape or fashion they deserve it but the kids.....

There is nothing that my lovely wife has ever said that has ripped my heart out like some of the things my daughter has said. Reaasure your son. Let him know that this is not his fault and that you and your H still love him very much. If he asks you things be as honest as you can with out making your spouse look bad.

My daughter is 6 and is advanced for her age(all parents think this).

She asked why is this happening?
we said mommy and daddy have problems.
She said fix them.

It is a touchy subject to talk around but you almost have to. If questions were asked about how I felt or if I wanted us to be together I answered them honestly. Any that were aske about how my lovely wife felt I told her that she would have to ask mommy. This is a delicte situation. Try not to let your hurt influence the answers you give.

And one other thing....pray for their comfort and protection. Pray that the Lord gives you the wisdom to answer these questions the correct way.

God bless

How heartbreaking. My dad left when I was 4 and I was never the same after that.

It chills my blood when I hear people say that children do better when an "unhappy" parent leaves the marriage to seek their "happiness." What about the KIDS "happiness?" At least an adult has many options [and coping skills] necessary to seek their own happiness, a kid has NONE. He is completely limited because his happiness is contingent upon his SECURITY that he gets from a family. He is at the mercy of selfish adults.

I would try talking to your H, the sad thing is that you can't expect much from a WS in the throes of an addiction. But I would let him know how very devastating this is to your child. Bless his little heart!

<small>[ June 24, 2003, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

At least an adult has many options [and coping skills] necessary to seek their own happiness, a kid has NONE. He is completely limited because his happiness is contingent upon his SECURITY that he gets from a family. He is at the mercy of selfish adults.
True. And what he does learn as a kid from his parents, he uses as an adult.

Therefore, you as a parent have responsibility to do whatever you can to teach him.
Let him know it's okay to hurt over what is happening.
Let him know that some things do nto always go thae way you want them to.
Let them know that you cannot make others do something, even if it is hurting thise they love.
Show him that YOU love him and YOU will be there for him.