Wife announced affair and left just over 3 months ago. Her affair partner is also married and by all accounts they were supose to move in together after leaveing the faithfull spouses. WS affair partner has announced that he's returning to his wife and the affair is over.

From day one my wife has never looked back or wanted to talk about anything to do with our marriage or her affair.

I feel so isolated and alone. Left to heal and find some closure on my own. It's as though I've been tossed aside and simple forgotten.

Is this a common reality for a WS to simple leave and never look back?

I know it's only been a short time since she left and even shorter time since her affair has crumbled but it's so difficult to stand in the middle of the road and wait for the truck that ran you over to come back and see if your ok.

It seems to be more common when the WS is female and it probably has to do more with the fact that unlike most male WS's affairs, most female WS's affairs (NOT all) are a bi-product of deep disatisfaction with the marriage, and they are a way to exit the marriage.

Hello Mr. Bond -

Can I ask you to try and see it a little differently. Turn this perspective about 45 degrees.

Does an alcoholic think about his family while he's drunk? Does someone that is shooting up on heroin think about their kids while they're seeking a fix?

Just because they don't during that time, does it mean that they don't feel love towards the people in their lives?

She will look back - I know, I've been there...

That demon that she's fighting just has a big hold on her...What you do now, may make the difference as to the outcome once she stops fighting her demon and embraces it...

GG,

I like the replies your got. Consider Kily's 45 degree spin on this. But, also just for grins, go another 45 degrees and realize your WW is no alone as well. The only difference is that you didn't almost destroy on marriage and destroy another as well. So not only is she alone, she is alone with what she has done.

Now just sit a moment and consider where you would rather be between those 180 degree views. I think you will find that Kily's doesn't look so bad, and your current position with respect to this is much better than your WW.

She may never come back. This could be just an exit affair and OM was the tool she used. If that is the case you and OM got used. Are you missing her so much now?

Time to get your life together, focus and the good things in your life, do the things you enjoy. You cannot control what your WW is or has done. But I suspect that you will know the right thing to do when the time comes.

God Bless,

JL

This is what my WW has done so far..

She left and is NOT looking back.. She's still living w/ OM, but doesn't want to talk to me for anything.. Hasn't come for the rest of her clothes or belongings.. Clams up tite and refuses to talk to her mother when I'm mentioned. (MIL still loves me and wants to see the marriage repaired.. trying to get WW to talk to me again, but WW closes her out completly). So far, WW is not looking back towards me or anything we had together. I just keep hoping maybe she will. Let's you and I both hope together, shall we?

Another spin on things too. She left thinking her "soulmate" and her would be together forever. But what happens, the OM returns to his wife. She has to feel stupid and too embarrassed to face anyone; family, friends, you, ANYONE! Here she gave it all up only to have KARMA come and kick her in the butt!
That could be one reason why she hasn't looked back. She feels to stupid and ashamed to face you.

Johnny B,
Just like I said to GG007. It could be that wife can't face the the pain and destruction she has caused. It eases HER GUILT by not having to see/speak to you. If you don't see/deal with it then it doesn't exist in her eyes.

Goodguy and Johnny,

I'm in a very similar situation -- my H left three months ago to live with OW, and contact has been minimal.

Why not join me and AD on "What police?" thread -- a plan for 100 days of Plan A. This isn't much of a Plan A for me -- as you can see from the thread, but I'm doing what I can. Kind of a Plan B+...

When we speak, I keep it light and pleasant -- no discussion of A, OW, M, or whatever. I don't argue. Whatever we're headed for, plesantness will make the job easier.

In any case, we can all keep each other company in the waiting game...even if we're waiting for D.

thank-you everyone.

My wife has a lot of pride and I suspect that she is having a very difficult time with this.

At this point I'm just hoping that if this is the end of our marraige we can take that walk together.

I feel so disconected when I see her. It's like she's totaly differant than the person I married. And she seems to have so much anger inside her that talking to her is like talking to a wall.

Maybe it's best she's not talking to me right now. If her world is spinning out of control then anything I say will likely never hit home. In fact I may do more harm than good at this point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by goodguy007:
<strong>
I feel so disconected when I see her. It's like she's totaly differant than the person I married. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GG,

Yes, it's true they become as "aliens" when involved in A's. Like we don't even know that person......amazing, isn't it? But, I think it's much too early to "pull the plug" and believe that your W will stay this disconnected, and that it's the death knell on your M.

3 months is barely any time at all, in the grand scheme of things, for how long an A takes to unravel. Of course, it helps that OM decided to stay in his M. But this has most likely de-railed your W, in all her glorious plans for her future! She's now stuck - all by herself - to try to figure out what to do now.

She's probably going through a time of withdrawal....depressed cause she's "lost it all."

If you would like to reconcile your marriage, I suggest Plan A whenever and however possible at this time. She needs a friend..........or will need one. Eventually, she may swallow her pride and contact you as a broken, confused, remorseful person looking for a "friend."

How will you react then? Something to think about.

God Bless,

I would say defintly she feels guilt for what she has done. I thought when I had my affair I wanted out of my marriage and hoped I got caught, but I feel so much guilt and pain now that I don't think I will ever get over what I did and there will always be what if's.