Well, I have not posted for a while. My D-day was march 27th. My H moved out to sort himself out on May 6th. He is staying at his mom's until we sort things through. We have started MC together and went for separate sessions (2 each) before that. Our sex life has begun again and I cannot say how pleased I am about that. He is letting me show him signs of affection and he is showing me signs. Our counsellor is great and H really likes him (bonus). However, we have not have any "relationship" talks between sessions. The time between our last session and the next one is a month. I think we need to work on our own a little. I think H is afraid of this for some reason. He has been at our home usually one night through the week and every weekend since he left we have been together. Our time together is great and we have done things as a family and a couple that we have never done before. I asked him last night if he had even thought about coming home, and he said no. He almost seemed defensive that I would even ask the question. He did not want to talk about it. I was devastated. I know things can never be the same for us after the A (his), and I have made some changes to myself that are necessary. I dont think he will see those changes unless he is home. He works long hours and is work orientated. I have small panic attacks when I know he is out with associates in the evening. Though that seems to be less now than before, a change he is working on I guess.
He has been gone for 2 months now. I really miss him and want to start rebuilding this relationship. OUr daughter misses him and is quite upset that he does not want to come home just yet. I told her he still needed some time. She feels like we are being punished for something we did not do, it is all about "him" she says. She's right. But the fog has lifted and I see my husband through it. I am not sure how much more time he will require, maybe the counsellor can shed some light on this. Anyone out there been in my shoes?? Our marriage is going to work out, counsellor even said "I dont say this to too many people, but your "prognosis is good". That gave me a lot of hope and faith. My husband is very serious about counselling and I think he is afraid to come home to the same old life he has left. I did e-mail him today to ensure him that nothing is the same after D-day. I told him I have changed and will be sharing my thoughts and feelings openly from now on. I am trying to be more affectionate and show my love through touch etc (childhood issue for me).
I will stop rambling. I would appreciate it if someone would let me know if this is heading in the right direction. I think it is but feel insecure today for some reason. I want my H home.
