Hey NL you've been pretty quiet for the last couple of days, how's everything going at the home front?

Hey there TMCM-

I'm sorry that I haven't responded for a couple of days but thank you so much for checking in with me. My H and I (and a couple friends) were at a cabin the last couple of days so I didn't have access to a computer.
Before I left, I wrote a version of that letter that you suggested and H seemed to respond to it pretty well. He understands that I love him (although I'm sure that he has times when it's hard for him to believe it and trust it) and he seems to want to really try to make the M work. When I wrote him the letter and while he was reading it, he had tears in his eyes and then he gave me a big hug. Then, I have to tell you what he did because this is so touching. I came home from work and there was this journal sitting there, turned over. He said that it was something he got for me so I turned it over and there was a picture of Jesus holding onto a guy who appears to be fallen and it says "forgiven" across the bottom. I started crying when I saw it and it just made me realize that he is such a wonderful person and I am truly blessed to have him as my H. Anyways, it really touched me and I know that it took alot for him to buy that and want to give it to me.
I have still had NC and at times it's definately harder than other times and I have days where I slip down into depression but all in all I think that I am doing ok. I think the hardest moments for me are when H and I have an argument and then it seems like that's when I miss the OM the most. I am not sure why that is?????
Anyways, how are you doing TMCM? Do you have big plans for the weekend? Thanks again, truly, for checking on me. It makes me feel good to know that people actually care....You're a sweetie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

NL

It's truly heartwarming to read how the last couple of days have brought you and your H closer to one another. His reaction to your letter and his gift to you, show how much love the two of you have for each other. But as you are now painfully aware, love requires care and nurturing to keep it healthy and alive, and that is why I've harped on the two of you (ad nauseum <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) to follow the MB principles embodied in The Four Rules For A Succesful Marriage and in the Summary Of Dr Harley's Basic Concepts.

As far as arguments go, I've learned that the best way to end an argument is to NOT feed it by trying to justify or defend myself while the other person is emotionally charged because no amount of reasoning can get thru to the person and it only ends up giving them more emotional ammunition to shoot at you. Boy it sure was hard in the beginning to bite my tongue but it was worth it because when the other person has finally calmed down, s/he usually becomes apologetic and is very receptive to my points of view. And in most cases, the argument is not really about you but about the other person venting his/her feelings of frustration in dealing with an issue, and you just happened to be the unlucky one s/he choses to dump on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anyways, how are you doing TMCM? Do you have big plans for the weekend? Thanks again, truly, for checking on me. It makes me feel good to know that people actually care....You're a sweetie

NL </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I survived another round of shopping with my two teenage daughters <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . They're going to go spend the summer over at their aunts and cousins in Mexico, so it's just going to be me and Mrs TMCM by ourselves <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . As much as I'm going to miss the two of them (and their sibling squabbles <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) it's going to be great for me and my W because we can go out of town (we've been thinking of going to Vegas for a couple of days) and just act like a pair love struck teenagers without two familiar pairs of eyes looking at us and laughing at us.

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 10:01 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

TMCM,

Sounds like you have a wild,exciting weekend planned with the Mrs. I'm sure you'll have fun chasing each other around like a couple of school kids. It's fun to have weekends like that once in awhile. I took my H to Vegas for a surprise for his 30th b-day last year and it was alot of fun. We went in January though so it was kind of cold but it was fun! Have you ever been there before??
My H and I have sat down and read all the "rules" of marriage and did the questionaires, etc. It has helped alot. When we argue we don't really get too nasty with eachother and we tend to make up rather fast but I can't help but feel a longing for the OM during these times and I hate it. Would you say that missing the OM is worse initially or that it gets worse over time (because as time goes you tend to forget the bad times and remember the good times)??
Well, I truly hope you have a great weekend!!!
NL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by new*life:

Have you ever been there before??</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yeah, many years ago but I'm dying to see it again especially with all the new hotels and attractions that have been added in recent years. And now that my girls have left, me and the Mrs can take advantage of doing just that (already my wallet is healing fast from my daughters shopping spree <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). Got any recommendations?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H and I have sat down and read all the "rules" of marriage and did the questionaires, etc. It has helped alot. When we argue we don't really get too nasty with eachother and we tend to make up rather fast but I can't help but feel a longing for the OM during these times and I hate it. Would you say that missing the OM is worse initially or that it gets worse over time (because as time goes you tend to forget the bad times and remember the good times)??</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yeah it's difficult in the beginning because of the severing of the emotional bond thru no contact. But ask yourself, wasn't the relationship you had with your OM based in large part in showing each others best sides while avoiding showing your individual shortcomings for fear on pushing each other away? So it can be argued that you got to know half of the OM and because of this your perception of him is skewed and incomplete. You may be missing your perception of the a man you thought you knew but in actuality may never have existed. Keep that in mind when you start missing him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I truly hope you have a great weekend!!!
NL</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I wish you and your H the same and that your dreams of a happy marriage become a reality.

TMCM,

You said:
[And I wish you and your H the same and that your dreams of a happy marriage become a reality.]

Aaaahhh, see I told you that you're a sweetie!! Thanks for those wonderful words!! My H is on his way to his parents today (I have to work) for his mom's bday so he stopped by my work on his way there just to say hi. That was very sweet and made me feel good.

As far as OM and only knowing half of him or maybe even a false him, I agree with that. I did see the bad side of OM towards the end. He was beginning to become very verbally aggressive and his true colors were starting to show through. He is on his 2nd divorce so maybe that says something about his character???? Anyways, I know that what I've dreamed up is a false image of him and that he wouldn't be there for me as my H has been.

As far as recommendations for Vegas, my H and I stayed at the Aladdin hotel and that was awesome. It was also in a nice location and the people were nice. The venetian is also pretty nice, it's a large hotel! They have gondola's there that you can ride in, which would be kind of romantic. Also, you have to go down to Freemont street (the old Vegas) and see the laser light show that they do every 1/2 hour( or maybe it's every hour) in the evenings. That's pretty neat. Just about anywhere that you stay is going to be nice, but we were really happy with the Aladdin and our window looked out over the waters at the Belagio so it was nice.

Anyways, thanks for your kind words. Take care,

NL