H is having an affair for the last year. I went into Plan B 5/99. After speaking with Steve Harley yesterday, we decided that I am going into Plan A. I restated to H last week that I still love him and want to rebuild our marriage--I do not want a divorce(H filed 6/99). Since I never really did a Plan A before I implemented Plan B, I really am not too familiar with handling situation now; especially with the limited contact that I have with H. <P>Our 3 year old spent this last weekend with H. I have known for about a month that H has been bringing our kids around OW's family. Upon discussion with my son, I just found out that H left our son at her parents house while "Daddy" & OW went to the store. I have to have a talk with H about this because I don't want our son around her family if H is not present. OW's father is a detective so I'm sure there are gun(s) in the house, they have a pool and according to what H said upon my confronting him about the affair OW's father has beaten the s*** out of her. She even came into the office summer of '98 with a black eye(she is an employee of H). I don't want to lovebust, but I have to think about the safety of my son. As I have seen in the past with H, he will just get defensive. H is still denying this affair and I don't want to get into an argument with him. This has nothing to do with our marriage, just the welfare of our son. These people are strangers to me and I don't want them to have any responsibility of my son. <P>Please help me come up with a way to get this message across to my H lovingly without it being a battle. Thanks.<P>P.S. Also, our son just started pre-school today and 9/23 is back-to-school night. Does anyone suggest that I ask H if he wants to go. It's a little weird after being in plan b for 4 mos. <p>[This message has been edited by jackie (edited September 14, 1999).]

You certainly have a right/responsiblity to keep your child safe from guns and unprotected pools. I don't have any good ideas on how to phrase it so he won't get defensive - my H gets defensive about anything having to do with the OW. When I told my H that I was uncomfortable with the OW taking the kids places without him, he completely ignored it. I suppose you could ask if the guns are locked up and the pool fenced, but would he tell you if they weren't? <P>I think you should ask your H if he wants to go to the back-to-school night. Even if you were still in Plan B, it is important for him to stay involved in his life.

If a matter concerns the safety of your child, you absolutely "MUST" express this<BR>to your husband. Neither you, nor he, would<BR>ever forgive yourselves if (and Dear God Forbid), something might happen. Perhaps you might even word it that way...."Neither of<BR>us would ever forgive ourselves if something<BR>happened to our child." Your concerns are<BR>(according to what you have written), founded<BR>on reliable information. They are not products of an overactive imagination. Let's<BR>be frank here! A child's safety should be<BR>uppermost in every parent's thoughts and deeds. While expressing your concern in a positive way is important, it is not the most<BR>important matter here. Your Child Is!