It would take me hours to tell my whole story but the crux of it is that my H has been on the fence for 1 1/2 years. I started Plan B in January. Eventually he came out of his fog and now is trying his damnest to make the marriage work. There is only one problem though I am no longer making an effort. I just don't have it in me.

When he moved out in January I was on my own for the first time in my life. I was scared to death at first but I made it. I spent a lot of time with my parents and friends on weekends. I signed up to take college classes to keep me busy in the evening.

I really got to enjoy being on my own and not being constantly exposed to all my H's drama. When he came and told me he ended things with the OW and wanted to come home I was not happy. After pleading for a month I let him move back in but I just don't like being around him. I am no longer in love with him. The only thing I think about is how much I love being on my own and I find myself surfing the net looking for divorce lawyers in my area.

I do everything I can to avoid him. He is now doing his own plan A and doing everything he can think of to get me to respond emotionally but I just don't. I go out with my friends on weekends and don't come back till very late at night. I went on a 4 day camping trip and told him an hour before I was leaving. Talk about LBing but I just don't care.

Since he moved back in May I have not even bothered to keep tabs on him. It's no longer important to me. He knows I don't want him around and he is hoping eventually I will change my mind.

I'm 30 years old and I want to start over without him. I've been with him since I was 18 and I just want my freedom. One year ago I would have given anything for him to move back and now.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

I guess I should be careful what I wish for. It just amazes me how things have come full circle. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Lily,

Welcome to the forum, sorry you are here....but happy to have you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This happens sometimes. Sometimes the WS waits too long to save the marriage. This may be slightly un-MB advice from someone who is very pro-MB....but follow your feelings and do what is best for you. Nothing is written in stone....if your feelings change as a result of his excellent Plan A....you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Why not just wait and see if the feelings stir a bit before you write the last chapter....but if you're done....you will get no argument from me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I've been thinking the same thing and I'm only 4 months without my unfaithfull wife. One month since she asked me not to call her as she needs space. Tells me to move on it's over, Fog talk I hope.

She has never given any indication that my feelings regarding her affair with another married man meen anything.

I love her but without some remorse or concern I find myself losing my desire to hang on. Though I want to so bad.

It doesn't sound like you have kids as we don't and don't need each other financialy. I'm also in my 30s and I have a lot to offer another woman and also have needs that were unmet by my wife in our marriage.

Was he gone for the 1 1/2? If he was did you date?

And in Plan B did you really have the complete no contact?

Thanks for the welcome.

goodguy-

He was in and out of the house during his whole fence sitting period. Dec/2002 he spent X-mas Eve with the OW and that was the end of plan A. I was so done. I went directly to Plan B. He moved out when I gave him the letter. I did 100% NO CONTACT. We don't have kids. I told him the only way we could reconcile is if he sent a no contact letter to the OW and went to MC. He tried repeatedly to get in contact with me but I would not budge.

I have not dated. I am not ready and to be frank I have no desire to have a man in my life. I just like being on my own. If you have anymore questions I would be happy to answer them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lily,

i can relate somewhat to your feelings. When I found out my H's affair, I was just disgusted and wanted him gone. My love for him was always connected to my respect for him and once I lost respect, I felt nothing. To make a long story short, he worked his butt off to prove himself to me again and I eventually fell back in love.

I don't know if that is the answer for you, but I am glad I gave it more time. We are very much in love now and I do trust him. HE adores me and I adore him. However, if I had followed through back then, I wouldn't have the marriage I have today and would probably be working out some other problem with a newer version!

Starting over with someone else eventually sounds a lot more appealing than giving my H another chance. I just don't have it in me to give him another chance. Maybe he will learn from the massive mistakes he made in our marriage and not make the same mistakes with his next relationship. I certainly plan to learn from the mistakes I made in my marriage and apply the communication skills I've learned from the Harley books in my next relationship way way in the future. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you really feel it's over then get him out of the house. Cut him loose so he can deal with the reality of it being over and move on himself.

It's only going to get worse the longer you ignore him and your home life will likely become more strained as time goes by.

One question,

Could you be punishing him by ignoring him now. You know trying to make him feel isolated, alone and unloved in the same manner he made you feel?

in the end do whats right for you.

I wondered the same thing that goodguy is asking. Part of the loss of my feelings for my DH was based on an outrage that he could treat me like that. Staying with him made me feel like a chump who had settled for damaged goods. Getting rid of him would have alleviated those feelings, I thought.