Lots of things have been spinning around in my head, now (thankfully) cleared up

* The window of opportunity for WH to come back to our marriage closes Saturday @ midnight. That is my birthday. For historical reasons, my birthday is a stressor. WH ignoring this is unforgiveable.

*Plan B is only 7 weeks old at this stage, but Love Bank is now in overdraft due to the porn issues. And WH's stupidity.

* Have realised and accepted that throughout our whole relationship, WH was trying to control me one way or another - ie, the bodybuilding obsession, suggestions about breast enlargement, not letting me play MY piano, trying to get me to drop my teaching career (which I love), ..... and all kinds of other things. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

* Poor WH!!! How frustrated he must have been trying to control me! I have always been able to think for myself, I have confidence in who I am, and it must have driven him nuts trying to turn me into what he wanted. I didn't even know what game we were playing!!

* It's crazy to think like this, but OW may have in fact done me a favour. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> If not for this A, I may never have identified the control issues and developed appropriate strategies to preserve myself. Ditto with the porn issues.

* One way or another, I suspect I may end up sending OW a thank you card <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Maybe I'll hold off on that one for a while.

*Strangely enough, I don't feel the need to do a driveby anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Claire,

Your list sounds like you are near a turning point. In the right direction....this is good. Hard but good, at least for you. Right now that is progress.

Keep us posted.

L.

Plan B is only 7 weeks old at this stage, but Love Bank is now in overdraft due to the porn issues. And WH's stupidity.
Claire,
I can relate to this. The affair was a big deal and the OC was a big deal, but finding out about the porn sealed the deal for me. Some may not understand this, but I guess I just snapped when I figured out that our whole marriage had a big secret in it- and there was absolutely nothing I could have done to make things better. Sometimes I think OW did me a favor too....and I KNOW that Ow and him will never be happy- because the porn issues and the irresponsibility issues are still there. It is sad to me that someone I loved has messed his life up so much, but I finally realized I could not do anything else. I think you are realizing that too. I don't know if I would go so far as to sending a thank you card though- although that might be funny.
Take care.

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

Went to the bank today. Tried to get my account name changed back to my original name. Guess what!!! They wouldn't do it. Said I had to get divorced first, then bring in the divorce papers!!! So I said, but I'm still the same person, and I had an account with you before I got married, and it's not a joint account or anything ..... I got nowhere.

I am going through a bit of an identity crisis now. I have rid my house of his possesions, yet I can't get rid of his name. I am still Mrs L.

Claire,
No, you are CLAIRE> I had the same thing happen. They actually wouldn't even take the divorce papers until they were stamped FINAL because I wanted his name off (yes, my own account -not joint) of me ASAP so I took the copy. I know it sucks but that is what they have to do. But remember, you are CLAIRE!!!