The affair occured 1 1/2 years ago.It started Aug.2,2000. I am 40 and he is 54. He had an affair with a woman 26 yrs younger. I call it a FLING that they had. We have been together 8 years, friends for 15yrs. We knew this woman before the fling as being a violent and bipolar bartender in a restuarant lounge(to make things worse, she's gorgeous). My husband would get so disgusted by her actions, that he would get up and he would make us leave. (My best friends own the restuarant, so we frequented there). The OW's ex-friends told me that she stalked me without my knowledge for months, kept a journal on me and told them she was going to take over my life (basically be me)She told people that I acted like I was too good for anyone cuz I am a RN and lived in a nice home. (she lived in a small apt.) She convinced my husband I was no good for him. (My husband and I have never had a relationship problem, sex life great, no fights, no arguments. Just fun and loving all the time). He had a fling with her for 15 months (8 out of those 15 months he was unemployed freeing up his time to be with her while I was at work). In 15 months she sent him 25 letters convincing him to get me out of the house cuz she could make him a happier man in life.(She brought her friends over to see the new house(my house) she was moving in to as soon as my husband kicked me out. She thought my husband owned the house. I have title to the home, not my husband. But he did not tell her that. Her daughter was 1 yrs old at start of fling. She convinced him that her daughter and her were his family and that was all he needed. He has children that are 35, 30 and 27yrs. They did very disgusting porn pictures together (I found them) He lead a double life. I had no clue. Not even a hint. Nothing changed in our relationship. He told me every day he loved me and every night we cuddled as we fell asleep in bed. During fling, she told others she would do me in. Fling ended immediately when I found the GOOD BYE letter he was writing her. For 5 months she chased me and threatened me (not him). Then she was quiet for 6 months. Then it started again 10/1/02. She snuck him notes to meet her and the kid at a park. He gave me the notes and I gave them back to her calmly and with good manners in a public place. Then she threatened my life again and stalked me. Got police into action and my husband and I got a restraining order. No threats since then. 12/12/03 the restraining order expires. She has done this to anothe family thru my investigation. I am haunted by this and every day I still cry. Have done counseling, meds to no avail. I miss my innocent life and feel like I can not go on at times. Has any one ever heard of this type of affair before??? There are so many triggers that set me off and I do not know what to do anymore. My husband thinks I should be over it by now, but I am not. I can not get her out of my mind. Please help

A stalking OW?? There have been a few cases of such before.

The point is that your recovery is dependent not on OW just NOT stalking your family anymore but more of your ability to have closure.

Are you seeing an MC? Some have found a 'throwing'away type of ceremony, helps bring closure.

What do you think would bring closure? Try writing it out.

L.

why not get lifetime to do a movie on this and get the royalties from it..
sounds like something they would be interested in and others would learn from it..

sorry you had such a horrid thing happen to you.
thank God it is over for you.

perhaps keep a flare gun in your garage or car..and use it when you see her..approaching..

God bless you...take care and be safe...keep on keeping on...
(I say a flare gun..you can get one at any boating or marine store..)

I know I would miss with a regular gun and I like the damage the flare gun does..I am sick what can I say...
but mention to others you have a flare gun...and you won't have problems they will turn and go the other way quickly..

Thank you for the reply Orchid and Sadeyes. The only thing that comes to my mind that would be the ultimate satisfaction to heal my heart and to bring that CLOSURE once and for all would be the 2 page letter I wrote a year ago telling this insane OW what the entire truth was during the 15 months she was having a FLING with my husband.
My husband told her every lie you could imagine about the relationship he and I had together. The OW thought he and I never got along and that we only lived as friends. It was obvious in her letters that she thought he and I was done and over, plus he admitted to me that he told her repeatedly that the relationship that he and I had was deteriorating daily and was basically over. Of course, none of that was true. Our relationship was the opposite. It was almost too perfect and I got the most lovin and romance ever in my life during that FLING he had with her.
The letter I wrote is generic, it does not name any one, but tells the truth in detail with facts and also information about OW's and how crazy they are.
It would be safe for me to send the letter now because she is afraid of the law after her. And if she tries anything again when the restraining order is up, I will obtain another one. They are easy to get when you have evidence to back you up such as police reports and taped evidence.
To this day, her ex-friends report she is still convinced he will leave me any day now cuz he only has her heart on his mind. She is nuts.

Kasi-
As one who has experienced stalking, please do not send this woman any letter or contact her in any way. You have a restraining order against her and any judge would not approve of you having any correspondence or contact with her. Contact may be viewed as provoking her.

Obviously this woman has extreme mental problems. Who cares what she knows about your marriage? Why do you care that she know the truth? She won't believe it anyway. She'll see it as an attempt to try to convince her to stay away and that your marriage REALLY is in trouble.

Don't return any correspondence that she sends you as it will be proof to extend the restraining order. The best thing you can do is stay completely away from her, eliminate her from your life, don't speak of her to anyone, and move on. I realized long ago that by focusing on the beast (xow), I was keeping her in our lives. Yuk! What a waste of time!

I know it's difficult to get her out of your mind. I've been there. Just this week, the beast reared her ugly head but so what. She's spoiled enough of my life. Just take it one day at a time and be determined to not focus on her. Instead make plans for you and your husband to begin a project. Make that the focus and not this person who is very ill. Maybe your husband is right..it's time to get over it. Just take it one day at a time and redirect your focus.