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Not much time right now. Don't know what to do!!
WH sent me a birthday present - 2 books.
(1) A book on Buddhism. He is now into Buddhism thanks to OW and her religious beliefs!!
(2) A book on Mathematical Origami. OW likes origami
Not sure whether to respond. Options:
(1) Keep the presnt. How thoughtful of him!!
(2) Throw them out. No acknowledgement.
(3) Send them to OW's place, addressed to WH
(4) Take them to his workplace reception with a note saying not to contact me in any way, shape or form until the affair with her is over.
(5) Take them into his office. Confront him in front of all his friends/colleagues. Reveal the affair to them all and then remind him that I don't want to hear from him until the affair is over.
IN the card, he wrote:
I hope you have a nice day. I hope that you find these books interesting/useful.
Help please!!
I have 6 hours from now to work out what to do.
Claire
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Gosh, Thats horrible, sending you gifts that the OW would like! It's like a slap in the face. I say that you throw them out w/out saying a thing to him. Act as if you never got anything. Just my opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Claire,
he is probably so dumb in his fog that he doesn't even realize what an idiot present that was. My ex did dumb things on my birthday and then said that I acted like nothing was good enough for me!? I would just ignore it too. OR you could go to the bookstore and take them back and exchange them for some books you really really want.
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Personally, I would do a variation of #4. I would SEND them to his workplace with a note saying not to contact you in any way shape or form until the affair is over. I would NOT take them to him because then you take a couple of steps back in your plan B.
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My vote is for ignoring the gifts and then exchanging them for what you want. The experts keep telling us that PLAN B is about YOU. If you react, he's got you. The goal is detachment as if he doesn't even exist. My opinion....
I know, though, that it would piss me off for him to give me stuff that she's interested in. Shows how obsessed he is with her. My WS uses the OW's vocabulary and voice intonation. It's like they're in a different world.
Stay out of their world; that's my motto.
Take Care!
<small>[ July 03, 2003, 08:17 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>
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Clair, Of course my shadow on the wall (evil twin) say do #5. However, we must not LB. Girl, the only thing I can tell you is {{{{HUGS}}}}. What he has done is beyond the pale. You don't have to be at his spot. Be at the MB spot. I know how much this hurts. Maybe, if you can find a way, let him know how much that hurts, or better yet, just say that the presents verified the fact that he is very much into ow, and NC until NC with ow. Maybe you should send the presents to HER, saying that she might have a better use for them than you, because you know she might be more interested in them than you. Sorry, just my evil twin coming to the forfront. Just wanted to get a laugh from you. No offense intended. Please disregard all of the above, just meant for a good laugh. Can we say FOGSPEAK? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Love in Christ, Miss M
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First off Claire "Happy Birthday" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Sorry you WH is being such an [censored].
I like number 4.
again Happy Birthday ... may all your other birthdays be better than this one.
way2
<small>[ July 03, 2003, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>
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I say ... donate the books to a school or a shelter or somewhere they can be used by others.
Take this sideways half insulting gift and turn it into a different type of gift. A gift you share with the world.
Make yourself a little larger, your soul a bit richer with this "opportunity".
Pep
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Send the books to OW with a note addressed to the WS that says you kept the 'other' lacy gift and wanted to return these books because they smelled a bit stinky. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Then let them both wonder what you are talking about!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> L.
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Thanks for the suggestions Mimi, Way2, Miss M. I keep my evil twin well hidden, although I'm not sure how much longer that will be possible for ... Orchid!! If only I'd read your post earlier!! Maybe next year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Pepperband, I was going to exchange the books for stationary for my students ... but then realised that every time I saw a pencil or ruler in my classroom it would remind me. I took the books and card and stuffed them under the windscreen of his car in the carpark with a note saying not to contact me in any way, shape or form until his affair with OW was finished. BTW, WH left the price stickers in the bag with the books. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Did it feel good? You betcha! Definitely the right thing for me to do. Reinforced the Plan B message. Got rid of the awful present. Now I only have fading memories of this event.
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Good for you, ClaireL.
I can understand how your response felt good.
I would not have been able to be close to my WS' car without suffering... You are to be commended on being in a stronger place than I am.
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Grrrrrr!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> SHE invitited him to go to a celebration of the Dalai Lama's birthday!!!!!!! On my birthday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I was only suspicious of where his sudden interest in Buddhism came from. Now I know. Of course, continuing his A and going to the Dalai Lama's birthday party with his OW is the most important thing to do on his wife's birthday. How dare he!!! A birthday present of a Buddhist book titled "The Art of Happiness" ..... well where do I start? * Yet another attempt to control me (religious beliefs) * I am perfectly happy being who I am and believing in the Christian God. * Unhappiness of the past 4 months has been due to the affair and the wayward husband, not a lack of religious faith. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> * I am sure that the Dalai Lama would agree with my opinion of OW and WH's affair. An affair is not a step towards enlightenment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I hope he gets reincarnated as a slug. Of course, she will probably be reincarnated as a bird that preys on slugs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> All I can say is GRRRRRRR No offence intended to practising Buddhists. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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What's even crazier is him trying to triangle you into their Buddhist World. In my viewpoint, it's Satanic. This A stuff is bizarre. Don't you wish you did not have to become acquainted with this sleazy side of life? YUK!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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I'd put a more benign spin on all this. He got interested in Buddhism, then with good intentions figure'd you'd be interested, too. He's probably not even connecting the dots with OW. There's worse stuff he could do, believe me. It was well-intended, if tactless and wrong-headed. At least he's thinking of you! No evidence my H ever thinks of anyone but himself!
What you did sounds fine -- but I probably would have put the books in the basement and ignored the whole incident. If they are buddhistically inclined, any reaction at all from you will just be a sign of your "attachment" -- and how you aren't as spiritual as they are (cough, cough).
Congratulations on sharing a birthday with the Dalai Lama.
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Hi ClaireL Too bad I arrived late... I would have keept the books and do a vodoo job on both of them.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Really what was he thinking??? Take care
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It's 12:30am where I live, I went out with my friends for a birthday celebration to a few bars. Unfortunately, I was born jaundiced, so my liver suffers a little with alcohol .....
One of my friends has a cell phone which can take photos. We took a shot of me with a good-looking stranger and sent it to WH, with the message"wish you were here" Ha ha ha!!! My evil twin was out today. ...........
I was planning a revenge scenario, where I invaded the Buddhist meeting and confronted WH and OW with claims of adultery and porn addiction. Thankfully, one of my good friends talked me down. Just the look on WH and OW's faces would have been a Kodak Moment *TM.
The evil twin is beginning to dominate!!! Is this the time to go for Plan D?
I guess you always have to go back to :"What would Grandma do?"
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Claire: ....One of my friends has a cell phone which can take photos. We took a shot of me with a good-looking stranger and sent it to WH, with the message"wish you were here" Ha ha ha!!! My evil twin was out today. ........... Orchid: Oooh Claire..... this one was good. Bad but good. But OW may love it, WS would get jealous and then an LB from afar. Dangerous move but well.....gotta be creative sometime. Is he the jealous type? Claire: I was planning a revenge scenario, where I invaded the Buddhist meeting and confronted WH and OW with claims of adultery and porn addiction. Thankfully, one of my good friends talked me down. Just the look on WH and OW's faces would have been a Kodak Moment *TM. Orchid: Hm.... well it is good that your friends have some common sense. I understand the urge is strong. As you can see, the WS and OW are now trying to get others to support them by giving the impression they are holier than .....what???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Often WS and OPs are stupid enough to believe they can dupe the world. Remember the old saying: 'You can fool some of the people some of the time but not all of the people all of the time.' Claire:The evil twin is beginning to dominate!!! Orchid: Don't let her out too much! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Claire:Is this the time to go for Plan D?Orchid: No, looks like your twin is having too much fun. Stay put and don't go anywhere by yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Claire:I guess you always have to go back to :"What would Grandma do?" Orchid: Grandma might like your twin better than you. My grandma dealt with issues so bad, they made these soap operas look like a cartoon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Now be good for a while, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> L.
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The next morning ....... I feel a bit silly about sending him that photo, but, well it is his choice not to be in my life, and I did wish he was there (I guess that despite it all there must be some love left?) BTW, he responded with an angry e-mail. Deleted now. My Grandma is a well mannered, kind, wise lady, so I should be OK using "What would Grandma do"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Claire: The next morning .......
I feel a bit silly about sending him that photo, but, well it is his choice not to be in my life, and I did wish he was there (I guess that despite it all there must be some love left?) Orchid: Glad you are able to keep your sense of humor. It sure helped me. Claire:BTW, he responded with an angry e-mail. Deleted now. Orchid: The real world wonders.....why!?!?!? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Claire:My Grandma is a well mannered, kind, wise lady, so I should be OK using "What would Grandma do"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Orchid: My grandma was the same yet, she still had to moments dealing with such crap. She was also a very witty lady full of common sense that could run circles around the so called educated ones of today. I had to remember that when OW tried to berate me with her claims that her education level was higher than mine. Then she tried to say that I had bad communication skills. LOL!!! Even the WS in the fog had to disagree with her on that point!!! Score 1 for the BS!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> L.
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Off for a break for the next week to visit my parents. Will also be visiting the dentist, the accountant and the lawyer ..... don't need to say why. (Expensive little trip!) Will also be catching up with some old friends, one of whom I've known since I was 5 years old. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Should be a good trip, and a chance to stop my head spinning. Drivebys and planning revenge scenarios is NOT the person I am (Good Twin speaking) If I was told a year ago that these would become part of my life, I would have laughed. (BTW, no drivebys for over a week now! I have found another route home from hockey which is much faster <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) This situation brings out both the best and the worst in us it seems <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Take care all, Will see you in a weeks' time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ July 05, 2003, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: ClaireL ]</small>
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